The Epic of Gauntlet
by BobCat
Summary: This story is set in Legend Maker's universe, and the current story takes place during the early parts of her fic Wings of the Eagles. After a long hiatus, I am BACK, baby!
1. The Epic of Gauntlet Part 1

The Epic of Gauntlet

Part 1:

"You only get one chance to make a good impression… and that was it."

By BobCat

Disclaimer: Might not actually be epic in any manner.

Secondary Disclaimer: DC, please don't sue.  It would make me so sad…

Tertiary Disclaimer: This is parody/sequel to Legend Maker's Black and White, written with permission and indeed assistance from said author.

Quaternary Disclaimer: Gauntlet is my own original character.  No use without permission!  Period!  And no, he is not a self insert.  

            ************************

            The City of Townsville!

            Will not be featured in this story.

            Instead, we turn our attention to the Teen Titans Tower.  A mighty edifice, a T larger than the Statue of Liberty, it houses the greatest heroes on Earth…

            If you ignore the Justice League of America…

            And the Justice Society of America…

            And the Omega Men, wherever they are anymore…

            Robin glared at the invisible voice.  "We can hear you, y'know!"

            Oh, right, sorry.  Anyhow, it was a beautiful day.  The sun, as was its wont, shined.  The fish, as they are inclined to do, swam about the harbor that surrounded the Titan Tower on all sides.  You know, boring stuff like that.  So let us focus instead on what was happening INSIDE the tower.  

            The most recent addition to the team, Savior, was writing a poem for his beloved, Raven.  If you'd read Legend Maker's Black and White, you would know who Savior was.  So go, go, and read on!  There are only twenty to thirty chapters!  I'll wait for you!

            Wow, that was quick. 

            Wait, you didn't actually read it, did you?  You LAZY LAZY bum!  Ah well, fine, I suppose I have no choice but to describe him for you.

            Savior is an angsty guy with only one superpower: he has this weird thingy attached to his arm called the Shimmer.  It looks like a large, white rope, with the power to reshape itself according to the will of its owner, Savior, AKA Noel.  Noel wears an all white costume, which matches his white ultra spiky anime style hair quite nicely.

            Anyway, he and Raven had a case of love at first sight, which they spent the whole fic denying because of Raven's demonic nature.  Anyhow, Savior and Raven had finally gotten together after defeating her father, Trigon, a powerful demon lord.  It's complicated.  Really, you should read Black and White.  

            But now, in MY fic, Savior was composing his attempt at a sonnet for his lady love.  Both acknowledged that his poetry was truly awful, but it was heartfelt, and since sonnets were short, the pain subsided quickly.  

            Beast Boy and Cyborg, for once, were not to be seen camped in front the Gamestation.  Apparently, they had developed something approaching a real life, beyond the flickering screen of the idiot box!  As should we all, for the good of humanity!  Let us observe them now!

            "Eat PPC, you little punk!"

            "Hah!  You couldn't hit my _Mad Cat if I stood still for you!"_

            Never mind… they were playing the newest edition of Mechwarrior.  My bad.  Return to your pseudolives.  

            Robin was in his room reading Sun Tzu's _The Art of War _for the umpteenth time.  

            Starfire was in her room taking a quick afternoon siesta.  

            Robin nodded at this.  "I'm not surprised.  After all the making ou… I mean, special training we did this morning, I'm not surprised she's shagged out."

            Interesting wording, Robin.

            Robin could only blush.  

            Thus, all was normal in the oddly shaped skyscraper that was Titan Tower.

            But events elsewhere were shaping that would impact their lives forever…

            ****************

            One week ago…

            As cities go, Uberton is on the unusual side.  It houses at least three secret government laboratories, all funded by shifting money out of the Space Defense Initiative programs in the 1980's.  Also, for reasons unclear, the government likes to transport experimental chemicals and toxic waste through the city at regular intervals.  Not coincidentally, the city has the largest per capita metahuman population in the known world.  However, unlike most cities, this superhuman majority chooses to use their talents to enhance their careers legally, and most avoid spandex like the bubonic plague.  

Those few who choose to engage in these fights are still numerous, however.  In fact, there are more superheroes and villains in Uberton than New York and Metropolis combined.  These range from the mighty Mannerly Society of Gentlemen (or the MSG) to such minor crime busters as the Amazing Marmot Man.  Also interesting is the fact that no one seems to make much of these spectacular men and women outside the city.   

Enter Robert Candide, better known as The Gauntlet.  He was a boy of about 15, with spiky blond hair, blue eyes and (more often than not) a goofy grin.  His preferred mode of dress was a white t-shirt with black sleeves, with a G embroidered into the center of his chest and whatever pants happen to be clean.  He had never much seen the point of keeping a secret identity, so he wore this particular setup at all times.

His "costume name" came from the odd device attached to his arm.  When it was not in use, it appeared to be nothing more than a ring with an unusually large ruby set into it.  A simple whim on Robert's part, however, revealed its true form.  Instantly his entire right arm was transformed into a cybernetic appendage, although he had been told that the nature of the device was more magical than technological.  

The changes to his arm were not the main source of his powers.  This was the force field that surrounded him.  As his teacher Pangloss the Mighty had said, "the forms of the Gauntlet's power are limited only by the imagination."  

This was not entirely true by any means.  No matter how hard he tried, he could never use it to lift more than four tons without deactivating his other powers.  His leaps could only be lengthened to twenty feet vertically.  And most annoying of all, his force field could be breached with a hard enough impact.  He could make rough shapes out of his field, but his level of fine control was nothing compared to Green Lantern.  Not that he minded these limits too much, but they were annoying on occasion.  

For nearly half a year now, Robert had been fighting crime as the Gauntlet, becoming a major player in the small pond of Uberton.  

Of course, he tended to commit as many crimes as he halted.

He wasn't evil.  In all things, he tended to be ruled by base instincts and whims.  And one of his whims had told him that because he was assisting the city so much, it owed him the occasional free bank robbery.  

He was wrong.  

After three months of evading the authorities, Major Liberty, the leader of the MSG, had finally caught him.  And that had led him to his current situation.  He was shackled by some alloy that he could not seem to cut through or break out of.  

The courtroom was filled to the brim with people, but Robert's secondary characters… I mean, friends and family were notably absent.  This was mainly due to the secrecy of the hearings.  Those present were the myriad of lawyers paid by the state that specialized in Meta-Law and its intricacies.  At the head of the room were several bailiffs armed with the newest versions of the military grade Cestus battle armor, in case Robert managed to break out.  For three days, lawyers for both sides of the case had endlessly debated the issues at hand, precedent, and who was going to leach the most money off of the state for this trial.  Finally, the judge, a wizened old man with more hair in his nose than on his head, had finished his deliberations.

One of the bailiffs ordered, "Robert Candide, please rise."

Robert struggled against his bonds for a moment before surrendering.  "Um, sir, much as I would like to, I seem to be firmly attached to my seat."

The judge chuckled.  "Oh, don't mind him.  He's just yanking your chain.  But I'm not when I say you are in a lot of trouble!  I mean, if you had just robbed the bank once, well, considering your assistance in that whole Omega Platoon mishap, we would be willing to overlook it.  But robbing the same bank every day for two weeks!?  What were you thinking, man!?"

Robert had prepared for such a question.  "I needed that money to continue my war on crime, sir."

"You.  Who have no obvious need for equipment.  You.  Who lives at his grandmother's boarding house for free.  You needed to rob a bank to earn money."

Robert snorted.  "Sure, if **I use the truth, I can make you sound like the bad guy too."**

The judge sighed.  "You are rather fortunate that some many members of the city council are retired super villains, or else you would be facing at least twenty years in prison for fourteen counts of armed robbery.  Instead, you must give two thousand hours of active community service."

Robert's eyes widened.  "Wh-what?"

"You heard me the first time.  Your options are either to clean the roadsides of Route 27 every day for a good long time to come, or else you can join a superhero team."

Robert considered this for a moment.  "So, either I spend all of my time cleaning some rat hole of a highway, or else I risk my life daily in some kind of poor excuse for a soap opera?"

The judge nodded.  "Yes, those are your basic choices."  

All waited attentively as Robert considered his options.  After ten minutes of deliberation, the judge began to grow impatient.  "I would appreciate an answer today!"

Robert shrugged as well as he could, given his current situation.  "Neither are great choices."

"Yes, Mr. Candide.  If they were good choices, then it wouldn't be a PUNISHMENT, now would it?"

Robert nodded.  "I suppose.  I guess I'll sign up with the superhero team then."  

The judge nodded.  "Now be aware that we are required by federal law to give all superteams a chance to decline your membership, so you may be cleaning up Route 27 anyway."

********************

The present…

Raven sighed as she walked through the pit that the Titans laughingly referred to as the living room.  _How can ANYONE voluntarily live like this!?  The only time they ever lift a finger to keep this place clean is when some "important" superhero is coming over.  Oi…_

As she stepped gingerly through the unstable piles of refuse, something caught her eye.  Namely, the seal of the United States judicial system on an envelope, just peaking out from under a pile of video game manuals and a half-eaten sandwich.  

She briefly weighed her options.  "Neither option is very appealing.  I either risk the wrath of the federal government for failing to meet some demand, or risk their wrath for disturbing an archeological site."  She briefly smirked.  "And people think I can't be funny.  Might as well see what it is.  Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos."  With the incantation complete, the envelope levitated into her hands.  She opened it in one smooth motion and read the contents.  "Dear members of Teen Titans, hereafter referred to as the second party… yadda yadda… you have one week from this date to accept or deny membership to the third party… if you do not respond, you will legally be required to accept his membership under penalty of catapult…"  She stopped reading for a moment, mouthing the word "catapult?" silently.  Shrugging it off as a typo, she continued reading.  "In closing, neener neener, ha ha ha.  My, I'm glad that the Republicans have managed to return civility to the national forum."  

Suddenly, the full weight of what she had read sank in.  "What's today's date… CRAP!"  It had been fully eight days since the letter had been sent out.  

It was at this moment that Cyborg and Beast Boy walked into the living room.  Beast Boy fumed, "You cheater!  You and your hacks!  You were teleporting all over the place!"

"For the last time, there is NO SUCH THING AS A HACK IN THAT GAME.  The server was busy and there was a lot of lag, so it only LOOKED like I was teleporting, OK?"  

Neither noticed the fuming Raven.  At least, until she used her powers to lift them both off of the ground.  

Raven gave an uncharacteristic, almost saccharine, smile.  "Victor, Gar, my friends.  Did we get any important mail lately?"

Both were immediately freaked out by her change in behavior.  Cyborg ventured, "Um, just the usual junk?"  

Victor felt a sudden increase in pressure as her bright mood transformed into her usual angry glare.  "Wrong answer.  You idiots!  Because you couldn't be BOTHERED to look at the mail, what with your oh-so-important video games and all, we now are legally required to initiate a new member to the team as part of his _community service.  Do you have any idea what this means!?"_

Gar ventured, "The male to female ratio on this team just got even lousier?"  

WHAM!  Beast Boy hit the wall at high speed.  

Raven snarled, "No, you dolt, we are going to have a convicted felon on our team!  And since it was YOUR week to get the mail, Victor, I am going to punish you before he arrives."  

Victor cried out in pain as Raven's telekinesis began crushing him.  He managed to wheeze, "But… i-it was… N-Noel's turn!"

Raven left Cyborg floating as she checked the pile that she had saved the letter from.  "Star Craft, Civilization III, some imported dating simulators and a Civil War game.  Yup, looks like Noel's work."  She dropped Victor without a second thought.  "Sorry about that."

A decidedly battered Cyborg managed to groan out, "'Salright…"

*********************

Robert whistled as he looked up at the Tower.  "Hard to believe I'm going to be living in **that.  Especially when I was expecting to be bunking in the Justice League Satellite or whatnot.              Damned elitists.  Holding my criminal record against me like that.  Ah well.  I hear the girls here are cute, so all is well."  **

Hefting his knapsack over his right shoulder while holding a suitcase in the left, Robert stepped into the massive structure, quickly finding an elevator.  "It looks like they only live in the cross bar of the T.  Seems like a waste, but hey, looks like a good view, so I ain't complaining."  

As the magnetic drives of the elevator catapulted him up at twice the speed of any normal elevator, he wondered about the best way to introduce himself.  He could see his reflection on the walls of the elevator, so he could gage how he looked.  He put on a vapid smile.  "Hello, my name is Robert Candide!  I'll be super happy to join your wonderful team of friendship and happiness?  Nah, too ditzy."  This time, he whipped out a pair of sunglasses.  "Hey hey, homie g's.  Howza 'bout that Eminem?  I hear he's the b-schnitzel-omb?  Nah, too cool for this crowd."  

Finally, as he reached the top, he decided on a more normal greeting.  He took a deep breath and then slowly let it out, feeling his tension ease.  "Oh yeah, this is gonna go just fine."  He placed his palm on the reader by the main door.  With a chime, he was accepted by the security system.  "Hmm.  Apparently someone hacked in and gave me security clearance.  Or else anyone with a palm print it allowed inside.  I'll have to look into that once I'm in charge."  

(Yes, he did expect to lead the team.  After all, he thought he was the most powerful!  He had a bit of an ego about him.  Do not worry; he IS NOT A GARY STU).

Robert walked into the main room just in time to see Raven stomp off to kill her boyfriend.  He noticed Victor and Gar collapsed upon the floor and embedded in the wall respectively.  

Rob sighed.  "Great, now I'll get no welcome at all."

*****************

Robin was roused from his reading as an alarm went off in his room.  He set down his book.  "Ah man, I was just getting to the part about fire too.  Computer!  Report!"

An emotionless female voice responded, "Intruder alert.  Intruder hacked hand code authorization and has evidently dispatched Cyborg and Beast Boy."

Robin quickly whipped out his metal staff.  "Sounds like we've got a good fight on our hands!  Such a wily and devious foe can't be underestimated!"

********************

Robert was kneeling next to the fallen Cyborg.  Knowing next to nothing about medicine and less about cybernetics, he had opted for poking the unconscious man with a wooden stick he had found.  Or at least, he hoped it was wooden; given the general state of the place, it was possible that it was a REALLY old pepperoni.

Suddenly, some movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention.  He looked up and saw a very drowsy looking Starfire stumble into the living room.  She was still wearing her pink Hamtaro pajamas, not being alert enough to realize that the siren was not her alarm going off.

She yawned in a very dainty manner, and then stretched in a way that caught Robert's attention very quickly.  "Good morning friends and stranger who is attacking them.  I would sing all ninety verses the song of greeting, but I need some coffee.  Excuse me."

Robert nodded.  _OK, since everyone on a superhero team gets a love interest by default, I call her.  _

While Robert was distracted, Beast Boy managed to extricate himself from the wall, turning into a monkey so that he could slip from the hole.  He then noticed Robert standing over the fallen Cyborg, and put two and two together.  Of course, he got the equivalent of five, but hey, he was hit pretty hard.  "Hey you!  Get away from Cyborg!"  Shifting into a Kodiak bear, he charged the unseeing Robert.

Robert looked up just in time to see a gigantic green bear running at him full tilt.  Self preservation instincts kicked in and using his not-insignificant strength, he chucked the unconscious Cyborg at his attacker.  Beast Boy tried to turn away, but his momentum was too great and the two ended up landing in a heap.  

Gauntlet flexed his metallic right arm.  "Glad I had that in active mode… hey, I just knocked out two Titans with one blow!  Cool!"

"We'll see how cool it is when I shove my staff where the sun don't shine!"  

Gauntlet could not respond in time to avoid getting whacked in the face by Robin, who had seemed to come from nowhere.  Although his force field prevented injury, the kinetic impact still sent him flying into the TV.  He lifted himself up, rubbing his aching back.  "Was it something I said?"

"Have at you!"  Robin leapt forward and began launching a seemingly endless array of punches and kicks at a very surprised Gauntlet.  Although he was technically faster than the Boy Wonder, Gauntlet lacked anything approaching his skill level and thus took a lot of blows before he managed to get back on balance.  Robin wasn't strong enough to hurt Gauntlet, but he was certainly good enough to keep him off balance until the cavalry arrived.  

"Hello friends!  Now that I have had my daily intake of hot caffeinated beverage, I am prepared to avenge your mortal wounding/death."  

One doesn't often expect the cavalry to arrive in Hamtaro pajamas, but Robin couldn't afford to be picky.  Before Gauntlet could respond one way or the other, a Starbolt hit his shield, with enough of the blast punching through to shred his right shirt sleeve.  The impact threw him backwards, but this time Gauntlet managed to land on the wall feet first, letting the wall bleed the momentum for him.  

Gauntlet shook his head, then formed his field into a roughly shaped staff to match Robin's.  "TIME FOR ROUND TWO!  YAH!"  With a speed that Robin could never hope to match, Robert catapulted himself forward and clipped Robin's right temple with the hard weapon, knocking him silly.  Robert didn't stop there, though.  Using Robin as a springboard, he launched himself at a very surprised looking Starfire.  

Unfortunately for Gauntlet, his second attack wasn't quite as successful as the first.  Mainly because he misjudged the distances involved and slammed into the wall _next _to Starfire at full speed.  

Hey, c'mon, the guy's only human.  

Starfire gasped in surprise.  "Oh no!  Are you OK?"  

Gauntlet managed to stumble to his feet.  "Yeah, I think so.  Wait, if we're fighting, why are you so concerned about me?"

Her eyes glowed a bright, eerie green.  "I just wanted to know how far I could go."

A loud explosion filled the Tower, catching the attention of all Titans unaware of the emergency.  

"Medic…"  

Starfire's eyes widened as a crispy looking Gauntlet walked shakily out of the dust cloud.  "How did you survive such a blast unscathed!?"

Gauntlet smirked.  "Simple.  I'm INVINCIBLE!"  The two warriors prepared to face off, when suddenly a myriad of thin white strands wrapped themselves around Gauntlet's arms, legs and throat. 

Savior smirked arrogantly.  From his right arm sprang the white ropes that held the surprised Gauntlet.  "I would like to test that theory."  

Gauntlet choked, "What the hell is this stuff?"  

            "That would be my Shimmer.  Try as you might, you won't be able to escape without asphyxiating yourself with the hold I've got on you.  You aren't going anywhere."  

            Gauntlet panicked.  _These guys are acting like **I'M **the enemy!  I can't let them get me alive!  Terrified, the Gauntlet responded to his fear, shaping the field in a myriad of seemingly random shapes.  Unfortunately for Savior, one of the random shapes that the Gauntlet took was a spike that impaled one of the Shimmer strands.  Due to the Shimmer's direct link to Savior's nervous system, its pain was his pain.  He fell on all fours as a burning pain overwhelmed him._

            Gauntlet sucked in a few desperate breaths.  He had prepared a witty rejoinder, but now that Savior was no longer in her way, Starfire was back in the game.  She blasted forward at top speed, slamming into the still shaky Gauntlet from behind, ramming him through four walls before he felt the impact from the first.  Before he knew it, he was in open sky.  This worried him more than his attacker.  His force field, which Savior had managed to catch off guard, had been up when Starfire rammed into him.  This was fortunate, because otherwise his spine would have been shattered instantly.  

            Not that he wasn't getting hurt, but it was keeping him alive.  

            What he didn't know was whether or not it would help him falling twenty stories.  And in all honesty, he didn't feel like finding out.  

            Starfire suddenly stopped in mid air, holding the battered Gauntlet with her right hand.  She prepared a Starbolt with the other.  "I shall give you one final chance to surrender, villain."

            Gauntlet looked down fearfully.  "OK, OK.  Just one thing."  

            Starfire dissipated the energy.  "What?"

            Before she could react, Gauntlet leaned over and kissed her full on the mouth.

            Her eyes bugged out.  "Why…"

            Gauntlet shrugged.  "Who knows.  It could be that I like you, it could be fate.  But most likely, it's the concussion going through four walls like that would give anyone.  Now, if you will excuse me, I will now faint."  And so he did.

**********************

Gauntlet woke up slowly, first becoming aware that he was being hung upside down from… something.  Nothing that he could identify.  _Probably that white rope thing again.  Then, as his vision cleared, he saw the five Titans that he had fought with.  Several of them sported bandages, most notably Robin, who had an eye covered after Gauntlet's blow._

            Robin glared at his unknown teammate.  "Alright, you, why did you attack us?  Who sent you?"

            Slightly woozy, Gauntlet quipped, "What is this, the Titan Inquisition?"

            Beast Boy responded, "No one expects the Titan Inquisition!"  

            Robin ignored Beast Boy's response.  "This is no time for joking.  Now, who sent you?  Slade?  Injustice League?  Lex Luthor?  ANSWER ME!"

            Gauntlet, suitably cowed, answered, "The Government?"

            Savior's eyes narrowed.  "Why would the Government want us taken down?"

            "I can answer that."  Raven, who had been notably absent during the fight, entered the room, holding the letter from the Department of Justice.  "Apparently, because SOMEONE," she said, glaring at Savior, "was too lazy to check the mail thoroughly, this boy is now the newest Titan."  

            All five responded in unison.  "WHAT!?"

            *************************

            Later, after letting Gauntlet down…

            And Gauntlet concluded, "And that's the whole story."  

            Savior responded, "I object!  To let some spazzy super villain wannabe join the team is irresponsible!"

            "No, failing to notice that letter was irresponsible."

            Savior sighed.  Raven was absolutely right.  As always.

            Robin nodded dejectedly.  "As much as I hate to admit it, this seems to be on the level.  Apparently, if we don't accept him as a team member until his sentence is over, they'll stop holding back the lawsuits."

            Cyborg blinked in surprise.  "What lawsuits?"

            Starfire added, "Yes, we are heroes.  Why would they wish to sue us?"

            Robin replied, "Well, even though we were fighting villains at the time, people still view us as responsible for some of the property damage.  And they can't sue the villains, because they're usually penniless once they land in prison, so we get the full brunt of it.  The judicial system usually dismisses the cases, just as a manner to course, but they could stop this niceness if they felt like it."

            Gauntlet grinned.  "So I'm a Titan?"

            Beast Boy smirked maliciously.  "No.  Even if we DO have to accept you, that doesn't mean that you can avoid our favorite tradition!"

            Gauntlet sweated.  "And that would be?"

            Cyborg, Beast Boy and Robin said the word simultaneously.

            "Hazing."

            ******************

                                                            End Part 1

            Mwahahahahahahaha!  Don't worry folks.  Even though I came up with most of the hazing gags for Legend Maker's fic, you won't see them repeated here in the same way.  


	2. The Epic of Gauntlet Part 2

**The Epic of Gauntlet **

**Part 2**

**"It's all Geek to me…"**

By BobCat

Disclaimers: It ain't mine, that's for sure.  Except for Gauntlet.  THAT is mine.

**********************

And in the tradition of Black and White, I shall now present for you a parody of the Teen Titans Theme.  Enjoy.

Deedle deedle deedle deedle… you get the idea.

Gauntlet: What's with the organ music?  It makes the song feel all… trippy…

When there's trouble you know who to call!

GHOST BUSTERS!

From their tower they can see it all!

TEEN TITANS!

They're the team on which you can bet!

Gauntlet: I didn't know X-Men was on yet…

Cause when the world needs heroes on patrol…

Teen Titans, GO!

They get powers when their rings combine!

WONDER TWINS!

Never met a villain that they liked!

'CEPT GAUNTLET!

They always save the day in time!

Savior: I'm in the background pictures this time!

Cuz when the world is losing all control…

Teen Titans, GO!

Gauntlet: When there's no evil, we like to slack,

Our truancy has caught us no flack,

I wonder how the Tower stays stable…

Singers: NO QUESTIONS!  GO!

If your heart is black you had better watch out!

You can't escape the team!

When they catch you there won't be any doubt,

That you've been beaten by the teens!

Teen Titans, GO!

**********************

            Robert sighed in a vaguely nostalgic way.  "Ah, hazing.  Man's favorite sport.  Brought on by the desire to impede those who would replace you, one of the first examples in known history comes from the Greek _polis_, or city state, of Sparta.  Here, warriors as young as 7 would be forced to engage in horrible and often deadly shows of strength and cruelty simply to survive to see 8.  Over time, however, these brutal and often fatal rituals have been replaced by less fatal, although no less brutal, modern traditions, such as stripping naked, the so called Pig Day, over consumption and other fraternal activities."

            As the other Titans observed Robert on the screen in the main security room, Robin could only smirk.  "Who'd have thought that putting that guy in the isolation chamber for an hour would get him to wax academic?"  

            Starfire was somewhat concerned.  "I do not know if this is such a good idea.  I saw on the television that humans do not respond well to sensory deprivation.  It tends to make them crazy."

            Savior rubbed his still sore right arm.  He had rarely had the experience of the Shimmer being fully perforated.  He did not like it.  Six hours past and he still felt like he had gone another round with Robin.  "An hour isn't going to make him crazy… or at least, crazier."  

            Raven sighed.  "I do not see the point of this.  He is already a member.  Why should we do this childish and pointless ritual?"

            Robin typed a few keys on the terminal, bringing up a few scenes cut from their earlier fight with Gauntlet.  "He is already a member, but it's vital that we get some idea of how he ticks.  I mean, even though he did catch us off guard, he did manage to outfight most of us.  If he goes rogue, I want to be able to beat him."

            Cyborg said, "Hey now, you wouldn't have had that much trouble if _someone hadn't made my Savior's whipping boy."_

            Raven gave her metallic comrade a sideways glare.  "Stop mentioning that.  I have already told you, I am sorry.  I can't offer anything else to console you.  However, the guilty party has been punished."

            Savior grumbled.  For missing the chance to reject Gauntlet's membership, Raven had cut him off from any physical contact for a week.  

            Beast Boy, having taken the form of a monkey, was hanging from the ceiling with his tail.  He laughed aloud.  "Noel, you are _so whipped!"_

            Savior growled, "Shut up, or else I'll whip _you._"

            The monkey cowered behind a heating duct.  "I'll be good."  

            Robert, having taken a pause to gather his thoughts, launched his unending monologue in a new direction.  "I shall now recite for you the whole of Homer's _The Iliad, _as translated from the original Greek by Robert Fagles."  He cleared his throat.  

"Rage… Goddess, sing the rage of Peleus' son Achilles, murderous, doomed, that cost the Achaeans countless losses, hurling down to the House of Death so many sturdy souls, great fighters' souls, but made their bodies carrion, feasts for the dogs and birds, and the will of Zeus was moving toward its end.  Begin, Muse, when the first two broke and clashed, Agamemnon lord of men and brilliant Achilles."

            As he continued on with the tale of the battle of Troy, the other Titans could only blink in surprise.  

            Cyborg was the first to speak.  "What the heck is he talking about!?"  

            Raven smirked.  "This boy gets more interesting all the time.  He is obviously well educated, yet his hyperactivity gets in the way of his logical thinking."

            Robin shuddered.  "I remember that book.  Read it in school before we founded this team.  It was _not a fun read.  How did he memorize it?"_

            Savior ventured a guess.  "You remember everything you see, but you can't always recall it.  I'm betting that cutting him off from the outside world is forcing him to look inward and he's seeing stuff that he didn't know that he forgot."

            "So he isn't so much smart as bored."

            Savior nodded.  "Right, Cyborg."  

            Starfire was still worried.  Of course, now that her fears about his sanity had been assuaged, she was more worried about that kiss he had stolen.  She loved Robin.  She was very glad that Robin did not know about her unintended lip lock.  But what made her nervous was that she didn't know how _Robert felt.  She had observed humans in action long enough to know that they took couplings at least as seriously as Tamaranians.  If Gauntlet wanted to court her affections, it would have serious effects upon team unity._

            It didn't help that he had been so ambiguous.  

*******************

            _Starfire suddenly stopped in mid air, holding the battered Gauntlet with her right hand.  She prepared a Starbolt with the other.  "I shall give you one final chance to surrender, villain."_

_            Gauntlet looked down fearfully.  "OK, OK.  Just one thing."  _

_            Starfire dissipated the energy.  "What?"_

_            Before she could react, Gauntlet leaned over and kissed her full on the mouth._

_            Her eyes bugged out.  "Why…"_

_            Gauntlet shrugged.  "Who knows.  It could be that I like you, it could be fate.  But most likely, it's the concussion going through four walls like that would give anyone.  Now, if you will excuse me, I will now faint."  And so he did._

******************

Starfire needed to find out his feelings, but could not risk doing so with Robin or any of the others around.  That ruled out any action until the hazing ritual was over.  

            Beast Boy yawned.  "OK, this is getting old.  Can we get out the paddles now?"

            Robin rubbed his hands together in an evil manner.  "Oh yeah."  

*****************

            Twenty Minutes Later…

            All the Titans stood in two rows, three on either side.  Each one held a long, wooden paddle.  A blindfolded Gauntlet walked back and forth between them.  Savior was the spokesman.  Having been in Gauntlet's shoes a few months before, he was more than willing to continue the tradition.

            "And this is the Wreck of Hesperus."  Sounds of whacking followed.  

            Gauntlet yawned.  "Oh, I'm sorry.  I thought I was being hazed, not massaged.  My mistake."  

            Savior growled, "About face, go through again, for the Unblinking Eye!"

            Gauntlet reached the other end.  "Oh dear.  Say, if anyone sees the hazers, could you tell them that there's a fly loose in here?"  

            "Crossing the Desert!"

            "What, over already?"

            "No!  Now for the Paddling of the Swollen Ass with Paddles!"

            "Hey, someone close that door.  I distinctly felt a draft in here."

            Raven, who disliked the whole exercise, was in the rare state of fighting back laughter as she saw Savior's reaction.

            Savior cried out, "How the hell!?  Six of us, all with paddles, whacking you for ten minutes!  How could that NOT hurt!?"

            Gauntlet gestured to his right arm.  "Oh, this thing gives me a nigh impenetrable force field.  You didn't know?"

            Much cursing followed.  

            **********************

            The Leap of Faith had been a miserable failure (it doesn't work when the leaper uses his force field to cling to the side of the tower before he fell more than ten feet).  Also, Wonder Woman had installed a security system this time, making the Twenty Questions ritual less effective.  Also, now having six members, there were arguments on who should get how many questions, so after ten minutes they just dropped it.  Finally, they moved onto the one ritual that Savior had missed out on.

            "Chug-a-lug!  Chug-a-lug!  Chug-a-lug!  Chug-a-lug!"  Robin, Beast Boy and Cyborg chanted as Robert slurped down the last bottle of the twelve pack of soy sauce.  

            "DONE!"

            "HOORAY!"

            As Gauntlet began to do a very undignified victory dance, Savior and Raven wept for the human race.  

            Gauntlet, of course, could not have been happier with his useless accomplishment.  "Yes!  Huzzah!  I am the best!  I AM SPARTICUS!  I…" he stopped as his stomach made some very unpleasant noises.  "am going to be going to the bathroom for the next hour or so.  Hold my calls!"  

            As Gauntlet ran off, Cyborg commented, "I didn't know he had super speed."

            Robin chuckled.  "He doesn't.  It's good to pay him back for that headache.  I guess we have a new Titan."  

            Noel, who had been sticking to the shadows in his best Batman impression, revealed himself.  "Robin, we need to talk.  Now."

            Robin queried, "About what?"

            "This needs to be private."  Noel nodded toward a stairway to the top of the tower.  Robin nodded in agreement and the two left.

            Cyborg swigged down some soda.  "What do you think they're talking about?"

            Beast Boy grinned.  "Girl talk."

            Noel roared, "I HEARD THAT!"

            Beast Boy cowered.  "How does he DO that?"

********************

            Gauntlet bit back tears.  "Wow.  I am now an official super hero.  This is the happiest day of my life!  I mean, I did some super stuff before, but being on a team like this makes it more like a club and less like some guy punching out street punks.  A little insanity and diarrhea is a small price to pay."

            "Hey, you playin' the game or givin' expository banter?"  After the hazing had been complete, things had kind of petered out (because of constant villainy, they had never actually _finished _a full hazing before, and thus had no ceremony for ending it), and Cyborg and Beast Boy were happy to find themselves another gamer.  Gauntlet, while not the best, was random enough to constantly throw the other players off guard.  Not enough to win very often, but it certainly kept them on their toes.

            "Oh, I'm playin, Victor."  Hitting the boost on his hover-racer, Gauntlet slammed into the rear of Cyborg's vehicle.  Cyborg was catapulted forward by the maneuver.  He couldn't steer at that speed and crashed into a wall, exploding in a brilliant display of digital graphics.  "In fact, I'm winnin'."  With that, his racer crossed the finish line.  

            Cyborg griped a bit, but since he had won the last four games he was at least a little graceful about his loss.  

            As victory music blared from the TV, Robert said, "Y'know, my Great Great Grandfather, Hiram Candide, invented the first video game platform during the 1890's.  He called it the "Happy Whizz-bang Home Entertainment System."  He died penniless because there weren't any TV's to play them on.  He was just too ahead of his time.  Nintendo stole his design to make their NES systems.  By then, his patent was expired."

            Beast Boy blinked.  "You're kidding… right?"

            Robert scoffed.  "I don't make up stuff like that.  It's all in the Candide Family Bible."

            Before Beast Boy could tell Robert that he was full of it, the alarm blared.  

            Robin swooped in out of nowhere, giving the three a start.  "Quick, let's go!  There's been an attack at the Museum of Natural History!"

            "AVENGERS, ASSEMBLE!"  This earned Gauntlet some very odd looks.  "Oops, sorry, wrong team."  

            Savior, Starfire and Raven were already en route, the former swinging about in his daredevil style, confident that the Shimmer would always catch him, the latter flying.  As the ground bound Titans began leaping across the rooftops, Robin was reminded of his earlier conversation with Noel.  

*********************

            Robin finished ascending the stairs and instantly wished that Noel had picked a warmer spot for their meeting.  At this height, the winds whipped across his naked arms, drawing goose pimples.  Noel didn't seem to be affected.  "This is your party, Noel.  What's up?"

            Noel paused for a moment, weighing his words carefully.  "Robin, even though Gauntlet may seem like a total nimrod, we should be very careful before we trust him too much.  If we ever should."  

            Robin nodded.  "Besides his criminal record, we don't know him at all.  Good advice, but it goes without saying.  Why bring me up here?"  

            Noel reached into a pocket.  "It's more than that.  I went over the footage from the battle."  Finding a sheet of paper, he handed it to his team leader.  "I almost missed it myself, until I went frame by frame over the part where I entered the fight."  

            Robin took the paper and studied it.  "It looks like he's panicking.  Not surprising, considering that you were strangling him at the time.  We decided that is was just luck that he punctured the Shimmer, remember?"

            Noel nodded.  "Yes, that's what we decided.  But we were wrong.  He got me by supposedly panicking and getting the right shape with that force field of his.  But I looked at every other shape in detail.  The one he got me with was the only one sharp enough to hurt anything.  I had the Shimmer at maybe a millimeter in width, and he managed to hit it.  Considering the size of his surface area, the odds are slim."

            "So what are you saying?"

            "What I'm saying is that he knows more than he lets on.  That isn't saying much, but still."  Noel pulled out a stack of smaller pictures.  "He told us about his super strength, right?  He whacked you in the head with just enough force to avoid a concussion.  If he was really as inexperienced as he lets on, he would have probably snapped your neck as fast as he was going."

            Robin shuddered, although not visibly.  "True, but he did miss Starfire.  Unless that was intentional…"

            "Exactly.  To have enough control to hit you that precisely, but miss a non-moving target like Starfire?  It doesn't add up.  There's something off about him, but until we can prove it, we'll just have to be on watch."  Noel turned around, heading for the stairs.  He stopped for a moment.  "And Tim?  Watch out for yourself.  He gave you the most vicious attack, even though you presented no clear threat to him.  He may have a particular vendetta against you."

*************************

            After a few moments of awkward silence, Beast Boy, Robin and Gauntlet arrived on the scene.  The others were already there (Cyborg drawing the ride with Starfire), and they were doing battle with the last thing any of them had expected…

End Part Two

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Cliffhanger.  Take THAT!


	3. The Epic of Gauntlet Part 3

The Epic of Gauntlet

Part 3

"I had the strangest feeling of déjà vu as I asked him what the definition of déjà vu was…"

By BobCat

With help and permission from Legend Maker.

Disclaimer: I might be working for DC some day, so they should see this as an enriching experience for the company.  And suing me would just drive me even further into Marvel's camp.  So there.

*********************

            When last we left our heroes, they had arrived with new recruit Gauntlet in tow, ready to halt the attack on the Museum of Natural History.  Much to their surprise, facing them now was the gigantic, oil based sludge monster that had fought them on Savior's first mission.  The Titans did not know what had driven the creature to attack the structure, but they were intent on stopping it.

            Robin sighed.  "Villains just don't have any pride in their work like the used to.  I mean, sure, there are only so many ways to make a sludge monster, but C'MON.  The same design TWICE?"

            Gauntlet, on the rooftop next to Robin, surveyed the situation.  "I faced something like this before back in Uberton.  Can I assume that physical attacks aren't going to work at all?"

            "Right."  

            "So, how'd you get it last time?  Fire?  Water?  Put it to sleep with an episode of Will and Grace?"

            Beast Boy, who had been an owl a moment before, landed next to the pair.  "You got it the first time.  So Rob, got a plan?"

            Robert stroked his chin thoughtfully.  "It looks like it's pretty slow, so if we circle around it, we should be able to keep it off guard for a while.  I'll get the ball rolling."

            Robin's eyes narrowed.  "He was actually talking to me.  We'll have to stop using that nickname.  Although that is a good framework… OK, be careful."   

            Gauntlet gave a devil-may-care grin.  "BANZAI!"  Leaping straight down, he landed on the monster's back.  Forming his field into a roughly sword-like shape, he leapt across the creature's flat head and slashed at the thing's eyes.  The monster's liquid skin slipped around Gauntlet's shoes, the force field preventing any poisoning or acid damage.

            Although it repaired the damage almost instantly, it cried out in pain, striking out.  Gauntlet managed to dodge the attack, but the slipstream from the massive limb threw him off balance.  "Yipe!"  He covered his face, feeling the worst.  Before he could hit the ground, he was surrounded by a black energy.  He opened his eyes.  "Why didn't I go splat?"

            "Because I don't want to have to explain to a judge _why _you went splat.  Be more careful!"  Raven let Gauntlet down, pausing only a moment before hurling a chunk of rubble at the sludge monster's face.  Another roar of pain, and it lumbered forward, almost crushing Cyborg underneath its tree trunk sized feet.  

            Using Gauntlet's impromptu plan, all seven Titans began circling the creature… 

(Y'know, it's really getting hard to come up with good descriptive terms for the sludge monster, and noone wants to see me write "the Sludge Monster" over and over again.  So, the monster shall now be referred to as Mortimer.  The Author has spoken!)  

Anyway, the Titans circled about Mortimer, hitting it from all sides.  However, it healed all physical attacks launched against it, and even explosive attacks from Cyborg and Robin only destroyed a small portion of Mortimer's mass.  Mortimer cried out with an inhuman roar as a Starbolt blasted away a chunk of its torso. 

Robert, tired from his exertions, called out, "Hey, um, you guys wanna make with the fire?  I'm getting' a little winded here."  

Savior, ducking under a punch from Mortimer, quipped, "I don't see a conveniently placed gas truck this time.  So, we improvise."  

Robert's eyes widened.  "What!?  A superhero fight and no gasoline tanker?  Then, then what's supposed to conveniently explode at the last minute!?"

Robin leapt up, avoiding a blast of sludge.  "Tell me about it.  Legend Maker's stories smacked of cliché at times, but at least she knew how the game was played."  

Gauntlet was about to respond, but he tripped over a crack in the sidewalk.  Mortimer, seeing that one of his tormentors was down, responded quickly.  He lashed out with his right arm, slamming Gauntlet even further into the ground.  Then, Mortimer slurped Gauntlet through his body, expelling him out the back at high speed, right into the museum.  

As he flew away, Gauntlet cried out, "Hey, you stole that one from Mega Maaaaaan…"  

Starfire called after him, "Robert!"  

Robin whipped out the last of his explosive grenades.  "Star!  Victor!  Get the right leg!"  He let fly into Mortimer's leg, followed shortly after by a missile and a particularly large Starbolt.  The limb was blow in all directions, splattering goop all across the block.  Thrown terminally off balance, Mortimer fell to the ground, flowing all across the street.  Already, he was beginning to reform, but the Titans had bought themselves a few minutes.  Robin, realizing this, called a quick meeting.  "OK, we need fire and we need it now!"  

There was silence for a few moments.  Beast Boy ventured, "I have a lighter…" 

            Raven ventured, "Once we beat this thing, we should look into recruiting someone with fire powers."

            "No, you don't need fire… you need a fire **extinguisher."  **Robert, having recovered from his flight, leapt out of the museum holding said item.  He looked a little worse for wear, but nothing too serious.  

            Savior sighed.  "This is why I didn't want to make him a member."  

            A hurt Gauntlet said dejectedly, "It worked in The Blob.  And it might work here.  DIE, MORTIMER!"  

            All Titans blinked in unison.  "Mortimer?"  

            "It just seemed like the right thing to call him."  He cut loose with the extinguisher, covering a section of Mortimer's back in white foam.  

            For just a moment, even the most doubtful Titans held there breathe, waiting to see if anything did happen.  

            It didn't.  

            Raven and Savior treated Robert to a double glare.  He cringed.  "What, I didn't see YOU coming up with any great ideas…"  Suddenly, he felt inspiration hit him.  "Hey, Beast Boy, I heard you say that you had a lighter, right?"  Gar nodded.  "Excellent… OK, step one."  He ran over to convertible and flipped it over.  "I _think _this is the gas tank… yeah, that looks right."  Forming the energy about him into a blade, he cut away the supports and housing, hauling out the sixteen gallon container of gas with his super strength.  He extended his force field to stop the flow of fuel.  

            Robin sighed.  "Look, it took a lot more than that to burn that sludge monster…"

            "Mortimer."

            "MORTIMER up last time.  What do you think you're doing?"  

            Robert tossed the tank over to Starfire.  "Fly over it, pouring out the gas.  Don't waste any of it."  A confused Starfire obeyed the order, pouring gas on the almost healed Mortimer.  It mixed with the foam, forming an ultra slick slurry.  "Now Gar, toss that lighter on it."  

            Savior rubbed his temples.  "This isn't going to work."

            ****************

            One very short and powerful burn later…

            Savior's jaw had dropped.  "I can't believe that worked.  How in the hell did THAT work!?

            Gauntlet smirked smugly.  He formed his energy field into a pipe and pretended to smoke it, adopting a snooty British accent.  "Simple, old bean.  The carbon dioxide from the extinguisher, when mixed with the high octane fuel that most men who are 'small' put in their over-compensatory vehicles, done burns good."

            "No!  It doesn't!  It's a basic fact of chemistry!  Carbon Dioxide is the end result of burning!  It doesn't burn!  _That's why it's in fire extinguishers._"

            Gauntlet chuckled.  "It does in a fanfiction based on a TV show based on a DC comic book.  Besides, most of the superhumans you've met were brought about by physically impossible chemical reactions.  In fact, I'd wager that _your_ origin would make a college chemistry professor burst into tears.  So just deal with it."

            Savior grumbled, "I'm just glad that there isn't some kind of Physics Police out there, or else you'd be in REAL trouble."  

            Raven reproached her beaux.  "Just deal with it.  It worked, the monster is dead, we can get on with our lives."

            The others were having their own conversation as the sounds of police sirens closed in.  Starfire jumped happily.  "For joy!  We have vanquished Mortimer… again.  But still, our newest member provided the victory, so it is a happy day!"

            Robin nodded.  "I couldn't agree with you more Star."  Although he still couldn't be one hundred percent sure about Robert's loyalty or ulterior motives, he figured that he could forget Noel's warning for the time being.  

            Cyborg quipped, "Seems to me we shouldn't take on any new members.  Every time we do, we fight this thing."

            Beast Boy, turning into a pigeon, landed on Cyborg's shoulder.  "Hey guys, are we going to stand here all day or fly the coop?  'Cause I feel a hankerin' for a good old fashioned tofu pizza."  

            Cyborg started.  "What?  NO!  That stuff is NASTY!  We're goin' to Pizza Hut and getting actual CHEESE pizza!"

            "Tofu!"

            "Cheese!"

            "Tofu!"

            "Cheese!"

            "Tastes Good!"

            "Less Filling!"  

            Robert covered his eyes quickly.  "In case those two start mud wrestling, I don't want to be blinded.  Gauntlet AWAY!"  He jumped twenty feet straight up and began leaping from building to building.  

            Savior noted his passing.  "Don't you think we should follow him, considering he's here by court order?"  

            Raven shrugged.  "I doubt he can get into any real trouble.  Besides, he's heading back to the Tower."  

            Savior nodded.  "True.  It is a bit odd that he'd pass up free pizza."

            "Probably just lactose intolerant."

            **************

            Elsewhere…

            He was Slade Wilson, aka Deathstroke the Terminator.  With the exception of such rogue attackers as Jack Djinn and the Lord of the Night, the villains that the Titans had faced of late had all been influenced by him, making for a never ending parade of new enemies.  He knew that each experience increased their skill, but that was inevitable.  This way, he could directly gauge their progress.  He never really expected any of his plans to destroy them outright, but such were his machinations that every skirmish brought him closer to his final goal.

            That goal?  Godhood.  

            Not that he harbored illusions of becoming harnessing some mythological force, as those before him had.  In his years as a mercenary, he had seen over a dozen such plans fail miserably.  Always, ALWAYS, those insufferable Titans, or the Justice League, or even Marmot Man would intervene at the last moment and deny the receiver of his power.

            His path to power was far more down to earth in some ways, although it still had its complexities.  For instance, he had invested a fair portion of his wealth into archeological expeditions across the world, finding the ancient pieces to his puzzle.  When a rare piece was found, he immediately bought it or stole it, not wanting any of the supposed "big time" villains to catch wind of his plot.  He still accepted jobs from time to time, just to reinforce the image that he was a tired old man in semi-retirement, not a megalomaniac.  

            His most recent feign with Mortimer against the museum was a classic example.  Gauntlet's physics defying victory was no great feat.  Indeed, this time it had been designed to become more combustible and just give up the ghost once it had lost a quarter of his original mass, destroying anything that could link it to Slade.  Despite appearances, Mortimer had been very direct in his attack, hitting a small area of the museum.  By all appearances, the Hall of Mysteries exhibit, and everything within it, had been dissolved.  This could not be further from the truth.  

            Slade's man in the Titan's Tower had snuck in the heat of the battle to grab the most important relic, a stone tablet with seemingly unimportant marks upon it.  It was an oddity, over 50,000 years old, used as evidence that ancient peoples of the area had some form of mathematics or art or whatever some fringe researcher favored.  Many interpreted it as little more than a whetstone or some such nonsense.  

This trinket, whatever it was, was a major key to his godhood.  Once he found a way to activate it… he would make the Titans suffer for every defeat, every humiliation, every intrusion into his careful operations.  He would use his power to remake Robin's mind in his image, making him _beg _to be his heir this time (not that he would need one, as he would be immortal by that point).  Starfire and Raven would make fair concubines, as would any other woman whom he fancied.  As for the others, he would have them dissected to see if their mutations provided any interesting data.  And of course, their screams would give him no end of pleasure.

            Such was his future, and he truly enjoyed the prospect. 

            Others in his line of work would have cackled madly at this point, perhaps even flowing straight into maniacal laughter.  Vain insults against their archrivals would have been uttered, followed by more laughter.

            Slade allowed himself no such luxury.  Those who embraced madness and self glorification never won in the end.  Until he had achieved his final goal, all time was to be used efficiently.  When he had eternity, then he would finally allow himself the pleasure.  

            He paused him ruminations, remembering the figure behind him.  Obscured by shadow, the young, spiky haired boy had put himself upon one knee before his master, head bowed, awaiting his next order.  He was scarcely visible other than his outline.  Slade smiled.  _They shall never see it coming.  With this one hidden among them, I could slay them all at a whim.  But I believe I shall wait and torture them once my empire is begun.  After all, revenge is a dish best served from a position of omnipotence.   "You may return, boy.  You have been gone too long anyway.  It would not do to have you away for too long."_

            The boy nodded voicelessly, smoothly creeping through a nearby window.  

            He chuckled, thinking of his plans for the Titans.

            _Soon, they shall pine for the day when they only had to deal with nanobots and demi-gods.  What really makes me laugh is that they actually bought that Chronoton Detonator nonsense.  As though I could destroy time.  Such plots are for Saturday morning cartoons.  _

            *************

            Robert tiptoed in quietly, removing his shoes in an effort not to awake his new teammates.  _They must suspect nothing…  He carried a bag of groceries over his right shoulder, watching the darkness for any hint of movement.  _

            He was caught off guard when Savior turned on the lights.  Robert cried out as he was momentarily blinded.  "Hey, you mind!?"

            "Where were you?"  Savior's voice was cold and hard, indicating his displeasure.

            "I was out.  I got some milk, since I noticed that we were out."

            "I would have accepted that explanation four hours ago.  It's after midnight.  Where were you?"  

            "I just picked up a slurpy, went to an arcade, got the lay of the land.  What's wrong with that?"

            "First off, you aren't a Titan.  Not in my mind, anyway.  I don't care what the courts say, you are no different than those we fight.  So, can this 'we' stuff.  It's us and you.  Second, you are a criminal.  You cannot be trusted.  Period.  So, from now on, you don't go alone.  Anywhere.  Understand?"

            Robert switched his main weapon into active mode, a layer of metal encasing his arm.  "I don't care much for your tone, Noel.  I kicked your ass once, you keep messing, I'll do it again."

            The Shimmer whipped violently into view, catching Gauntlet by surprise.  "You surprised me before.  Next time we fight, you're going down."

            "What is your problem!?"

            "My problem?  

            "I don't appreciate your tone.  And for your information, I've done my share of heroism.  Probably saved a hundred people!"

            "You save them and rob them blind.  It isn't heroism; it's extortion."  

            Robert stared down his opposition.  "I don't have time for this.  I'm heading to bed.  If I can sleep alone, that is."  As he spoke, his arm's metal converted back to flesh, indicating a cessation of hostilities.

            Savior withdrew his own weapon.  "Fine.  Just so you know where we stand."  

            "Fine."

            "Fine."

            "Fine!"  Before they could continue, Gauntlet walked past Savior, ignoring the angry glare the senior super hero gave him.  _He wants an enemy?  Good!  Having everyone all lovey dovey would get boring real quick anyway!  _

            ******************

End Part 3

            Next Time:

            The hazards of watching old musicals. 


	4. The Epic of Gauntlet Part 4

The Epic of Gauntlet

Part 4

**"The Rain in ****Spain**** has taken the week off."  **

By BobCat

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of the Teen Titans.  Especially the classic titans… original Aqualad and Wondergirl… WORST… CHARCTERS… EVER.

Oh, by the by.  Spot the Family Guy homage in the fic itself and win cool points, which are redeemable nowhere.

***************

            Gauntlet, Cyborg, Beast Boy and Starfire were lazing on the couch in front of the TV.  The flickering screen was the only source of the light in the room, casting a ghostly pallor across those who lay in their limp, almost boneless positions.  They were utterly transfixed before the aging videotape of "My Fair Lady."

            Robert pointed at the screen.  "Y'know, this movie was based on my Great Great Great Grandmother, Elizabeth Candide.  She was a British lady who was suckered in by a fake linguistics professor and in a month he had transformed her accent into that of a flower saleswoman.  She was forced to flee to America under a storm of derision.  That's the main reason I'm not eating blood pudding right now.  And for that, I've always been grateful."  

            Before any objection could be raised, Robin turned on the light.  The classic members groaned, covering their eyes.  Gauntlet took it a step further, hissing as though the light burned.  

            Robin stepped between them and the TV.  "Alright, guys, TV time is over.  I'm heading to the mall, and I'm getting you off the couch before you take root."  

            Robert groaned.  "But Robin, I'm teaching Starfire proper Earth mannerisms.  Show 'im, Star."  

            "The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain?"  

            Robin pointed at the door.  "MOVE!"  

            There was grumbling all about, except from Starfire, who muttered various cockney colloquialisms.  

            Beast Boy coughed into his hand.  "So, Tim, we going with the image inducers today?"

            "Shh!"  The Boy… er, Teen Wonder glanced about nervously.  "That's the term they use in X-Men Evolution.  Now what's the real name?"

            "Holo-pins?  Tim, that's about the lamest name ever."

            Robert shrugged.  "Hey, as the wise Confucius said, 'it is far better to tolerate one poor non copy written name than to incur the wrath of a thousand lawyers.'"

            Robin flapped his cape.  "And to answer your question, Gar, we're going in costume today.  It's good for the people to know that we're just normal guys most of the time."  

            Starfire scanned the room.  "Are Savior and Raven not coming along?"

            Robin shook his head.  "They asked for a day off, so I'm giving it to them."

            Robert felt a proverbial lightbulb go off above his head.  "Hey, can I have a day off?"

            "Did you do your homework?"

            Robert was confused.  "Homework?  What homework?  You didn't give me any homework, and we don't go to school…"

            "Then I'll take that as a no.  When will you learn to do your homework before the weekend?"  Robin sighed.  "I hate to do this, but… as a punishment, you're carrying everything we buy today."  

            Robert sulked.  "Oh, if you weren't dictator for life, I would SO impeach you, _el presidente_."  

            Starfire, ever ready to diffuse argument, queried, "So Robert, do you have a girlfriend back home?"

            Robert shook his head.  "Nah.  Never met the right person.  But hey, I'm just fifteen.  Plenty of time for stuff like that later."  For once, he looked embarrassed.  He quickly changed subject the only way he knew how.  "That reminds me of my Great Uncle Herbert Candide.  He was a military intelligence officer in world war two.  He was the one who deciphered the Japanese Military's code."

            *************

            A man who looked much like Robert was sitting in front of an old style radio console.  He suddenly perked up.  "My God!  They're speaking Pig Latin!"

            *************

            Robert sighed.  "He should have been a hero, but the military had taken years to figure that out.  So, they told him to keep quiet and made up a farcical code to make themselves look good."  

            There was silence all around.  Finally, Victor said, "Dude, you are _so _full of it."

            "You callin' me a liar?  'Cause I don't like being called a liar.  Is it so hard to believe that one of my relatives was involved in every major historical event?"

            "Honestly?  Yes."

            Robert shrugged.  "Fine.  Keep believing that propaganda.  You want some history, come to me."  

            More silence followed.  No one spoke as they left the tower, taking the most direct route to the Barry Allen memorial shopping center.  As they walked onto eight street, the awkwardness wa s interrupted by a voice from behind.  

            "So, Gauntlet!  You thought that you could hide from us, your most lethal foes, by running to Jump City?  Hah!  The Fearsome Four have come to destroy you and your little friends once and for all!"

            The Titans started at the sudden challenge, all save Gauntlet.  Gauntlet rubbed his temples.  "Oh God, not these guys again…"  As they turned around, the Titans saw what had to be the most ragtag group of villains ever.  

As they had promised, there were four of them.  The man in the center of their off-center V looked the most professional.  He was a man in his lower thirties of above average height, with the combination of goatee and angular moustache that screamed "evil."  He had piercing blue eyes and pale, white skin.  He had a lithe body that looked unused to harsh labor.  He was encased in intimidating looking sliver armor that covered his entire body.  The helmet, which left his face exposed, was shaped so that a viewer thought of a powerful bird of prey.  

The man to his right was slightly less intimidating.  Dressed in overalls, he was a fortyish man with a salt and pepper beard.  He wore a hard hat on his head, and had a sledgehammer held in his powerful hands.  He stood above the first man, but was not unusually tall.  It seemed as though every inch of his body was covered in tools of one kind or another.  

A giant of a man, easily eight feet tall, made up their entire right flank.  He was huge in every sense of the word, with a musculature that implied the ability to bench press a skyscraper.  He wore ridiculously small sun glasses that failed to obscure the blank stare through which he viewed the world.  He was dressed in an oversized trench coat, slacks and a sweater, the brown of the coat matching his hair.  

The final member of the group was also the only female member.  She had long, blonde hair, and was dressed in armor similar to the bird themed man, although the upper part of her face was covered, and her color scheme was golden.  Also, the overall theme of her armor seemed to suggest a Norse Valkyrie come to Earth.  At least, a Norse Valkyrie sporting missile launchers, laser cannons and machine guns from every surface.

Gauntlet stepped forward, muttering the whole way.  As he closed in with these aggressors, Robin cried out, "Wait!  Don't try to attack them alone!"  

Gauntlet laughed.  "Attack them alone?  Please!  Nothing I haven't done before!  These guys may look all impressive… well, two of them anyway.  Hey, I notice that the Welder is absent.  What, he finally gave up this whole bit?"

Bird-man shook his head.  "We got in trouble with Disney over their Fearsome Five from the old Darkwing Duck TV show, so we voted him off to avoid a lawsuit."  

Gauntlet waved his hand, indicating the group.  "See?  SEE!?  THESE are the lousy excuse for enemies I had back in Uberton.  You want an introduction?  They are, in order to importance, Doctor Nathaniel Peregrine, Handyman, The Brick and Cestus.  Believe me, we should be holding back a member or two just so that we don't make it look too easy."  

Starfire queried, "Who are they?"

Gauntlet checked with Peregrine.  "Should you, or should I?"

Peregrine thought for a moment.  "I think we'll handle our own intros this time.  Me first.  I, Doctor Nathaniel Peregrine, am the greatest physicist on the planet.  My theories and concepts are at least three generations ahead of the scientific community."

Cyborg started chuckling.  "No wait, wait.  Don't tell me.  They laughed at you and your ideas, but now you'll show them with your super technology."

Peregrine shook his head.  "Of course not!  That's just silly!  They LOVED my super technology.  I worked for a major research firm, but got fired for embezzling a few billion.  I swore… REVENGE!  So, I whipped up this armor over the weekend and some gravity based weapons linked to an advanced cybernetic neural hookup.  Y'know, in between episodes of M.A.S.H.  But Gauntlet thwarted my efforts.  Strapped for cash, I was forced to take a job at his high school as a physics teacher.  Handyman?"

"Well, I was the host of the major crafts TV show "Tool Talk," until one day I was cancelled to make room for a reality TV show.  And then I swore… REVENGE!  Using the fine, quality tools from such manufacturers as Bimford, who still sponsor me, I began a three month crime wave that only he was able to stop.  Brick?"

Brick cleared his throat.  "He beat me up and call me names.  Just because I'm different.  And I tried to kill him.  He also got my boss, the Don, arrested, so now I work for Bird Man.  So I tried to get… what's the word?  Oh, right, LEVERAGE!  That is all."  

Peregrine patted him on the head.  "Good boy, Brick.  Here, have this oversized Chinese finger trap."

"Yay!  Learning am fun!"

Cestus looked up from reading her magazine.  "I'm an intern from Metropolis State University.  All the other engineering jobs were taken, so Peregrine gave me the internship on the condition that I be willing to help him get revenge…" 

Peregrine yelled, "No no NO!  Either say it right or don't say it at all!"

Cestus sighed.  "If I didn't need the credit… I'm helping him get REVENGE by testing his C.E.S.T.U.S armor for him.  I come along when he needs backup."

Doctor Peregrine, as the man was now identified, stepped forward, silver armor gleaming in the sun's rays.  "You might have triumphed over us before,"

Handyman moved in next to his leader.  "But now we've upgraded and trained!"  

The giant, the Brick, didn't understand the choreography, so he stayed in place.  He finally destroyed the finger trap that had thwarted him for nearly five minutes.  "Duh, Bird man sez that we should crush you and yer little friends.  So we will."  

Cestus rolled up her magazine and put it in a pocket in the armor.  "Yeah, destroy, vengeance, whatever.  Can we just get beaten?  I have a date tonight."  

Gauntlet shifted his weapon to active mode.  "GUYS!  Please!  Can you be just a LITTLE professional?  You're making me look bad in front of my new team!?"  

Too late.  Cyborg and Beast Boy started laughing.  

Robin put a halt to it quickly.  "Cut it out, you two.  Just because these guys seem lame doesn't mean that they aren't a threat.  So let's get 'em before someone gets hurt!"  

"RIGHT!"  With this united cry, the Titans leapt into action.  

The Fearsome Four, formerly the Fearsome Five, were much quicker to respond than any of them, least of all Gauntlet, had expected.  In the blink of an eye, Cestus activated boot mounted rockets, barreling into Starfire at high speeds.  The Tamaranian, caught off guard, took her fists right in the gut.  The two slammed through a brick wall and then out of sight.  

Robin almost paused to call out for her, but saw that Brick was already upon him.  Unlike his girlfriend, he managed to dodge the attack, rolling away.  Before he was even finished with the roll, he brought out his staff, blocking a thrown hammer from Handyman.  Beast Boy, turning into a tiger, leapt at the large man.  He, having focused on Robin for that crucial second, was unable to avoid the big cat, which sent him crashing to the ground.  

"Hey, here's a physics problem for yah!  If I shoot a thousand rounds a minute, each round going twenty meters per second, how long will it take you to bite it?"  Cyborg leveled his right arm at Peregrine, shifting it into an autocannon.  Spent shells made metallic clinking noises as they hit the ground, the growing pile a tribute to the sheer amount of ammunition being sent at the scientist.  

Peregrine smirked.  "Another fifty or so years, since I have a force field in this thing to rival Gauntlet's.  Since force fields are, by their nature, inefficient, I developed this one to solve that problem.  It puts up pinpoint microshields against any attack, saving a lot of energy.  Thank you for this chance to test its efficiency against such a barrage."  He pointed his own arm mounted weapon at Cyborg.  "However, as you are last year's model, I doubt you have any equivalent system."  He opened up, sending a hail of small disks at Cyborg.

Victor tensed up, expecting them to explode on impact.  Instead, they stuck to his arms and torso.  He tried to brush them off, but the stuck stubbornly.  "What the…"

"Thanks to my genius, I have devised a way to control the very force of gravity itself!  I have total control of gravitational attractions between these disks.  Thanks to my own cybernetics, twice as advanced as the tinker toys that make up your own body, I control this at a whim.  Do you see that car behind you?  Thanks to the disks on it, it won't be staying where it is for long."

The car and Cyborg were lifted into the air, and then began accelerating towards each other at terminal velocity.  "Ah shi-" He was interrupted in mid curse as he collided with said car.  The two fell to the ground, crumpling in a heap on the street below. 

Robin couldn't spare a moment to check on his teammate as Handyman took a swing at him with his sledgehammer.  He barely managed to dodge out of the way before the business end slammed into the concrete, sending chunks of pavement in all directions.

Beast Boy, having changed into a falcon, was keeping Brick occupied by swooping in and gouging at his eyes.  Although Brick's tough skin was too tough to penetrate, he didn't seem to know that, as he devoted all of his attention to keeping Gar off his face.  

This provided Gauntlet with a very nice opening.  Focusing all of his energy into his right hand, he slammed Brick in the gut, making even the giant mass of muscle stumble.  "Hah!  What do you think of THAT, genius?"  

"Hah!  That didn't hurt me!  Nothing can hurt the Brick!"

Beast Boy, directly above Brick, quickly changed into a hippo, slamming him into the ground.  From beneath a very large Gar, Brick groaned, "I didn't know hippos could fly…"

Meanwhile, Cyborg managed to remove himself from the wreckage and, more than a little angry, fired a burst of sonic energy at Peregrine.  The doctor cried out in pain and stumbled as his inner ear was thrown off by the sound.  It ended as quickly as it started, but Peregrine had lost his initial cockiness.  "Chew on that, ya old fart!"

Peregrine grimaced.  "Old… fart?  I'm only 35!  For this insult, you shall suffer!"  He whipped out a pistol from a holster.  Despite its tiny size, the lightning bolt that emanated from it was taller than either combatant.  It struck Cyborg dead on, shorting out most of his systems in a moment.  

Peregrine chuckled.  "You choose your opponents poorly, Cyborg.  You would have fared far better against one who didn't know your limits.  Of course, my Zeus Cannon has only one shot, but it was put to its best use on you."  

"Just what I wanted to hear."  Much to Peregrine's shock, Cyborg, who should have been totally disabled by the blast, rose shakily to his feet.  With surprise on his side, even Victor's slow punch managed to connect before Peregrine's pinpoint shields, which relied on the good doctor's senses, could block it.  Peregrine took the blow to the side of the head.  Although the alloy held, his head hit the inside of his helmet.  He went down, even as Cyborg's overtaxed systems did the same.  "Dammit, looks like I'm gonna have ta bug Fixit again…"  With that, he slipped into oblivion.

Robin threw a pair of explosive disks at Handyman, having exhausted his supply of Birdarangs.  He worried about using such power against an unarmored man. His concerns were unfounded, as Handyman threw a pair of hammers with pinpoint accuracy into the disks, resulting in a large explosion.  

Handyman used the blast to his advantage, leaping through it, ready to bring his sledge hammer down upon Robin's head.  This time, Robin was unable to dodge out of the way.  

Fortunately, Gauntlet managed to intercept the attack, throwing Handyman off target.  Robert landed next to Gauntlet, bending his legs to dull the impact.  "You OK?"

Robin shook his head to clear it.  "You said these guys would be pushovers!"

Robert shrugged.  "They usually are.  They've been practicing or something.   I notice that Handyman's beer belly is smaller…"

A recovering Handyman cried out, "I DO NOT HAVE A BEER BELLY!"

Robert chuckled.  "Denial, anyone?"

The master of tools pulled out a pair of nail guns.  "Die, at the hand of the new Bimford Nail Master 3000™!"  A barrage of one inch nails lashed out, penetrating the concrete where the pair had been a moment before.  The pair had leapt up in almost perfect unison, leaping over a second salvo and planting their feet right in the man's face, knocking him backwards into a brick wall.

Robin cracked his knuckles.  "You have some good playmates."

"They didn't use to be."  He picked one of the dropped nail guns.  "He never had this kind of firepower before; the best he used to just have the throwing hammers and knockout chalk."  Robin's eyebrow rose.  "Don't ask.  Just… don't ask."  

"A little help over here!"  Beast Boy, despite his best efforts, was utterly outclassed by Brick.  Having taken the form of a python, he made the discovery that Brick could hold his breath for a very, very long time.  In the meantime, he had been pried from his spot and was being tied into a bowknot.  

Robert leveled the nail gun at Brick.  "Glad to help."

            Robin gasped.  "Wait!  You can't just KILL him!"  It was too late, as Robert had already pulled the trigger.  A spray of nails flashed from Brick's leg to his shoulder.  Through luck or design, Gar managed to avoid getting "nailed."  "What the hell are you thinking!?"

            Robert dropped the now empty weapon.  "Believe me, I've seen that guy survive the equivalent of a tactical nuclear blast before.  All THAT did was get his attention."  

            Brick saw red.  "You ripped my clothes!  I'M GOING TO RIP **YOUR CLOTHES OFF!"  **

            Robin shuddered.  "There wasn't any sexual meaning there, right?"

            Robert matched Robin's shudder.  "When you have these thoughts, DON'T SHARE THEM.  This fight is going to be tough enough without worrying about touching him."

            Nearby, Cestus and Starfire were in an aerial battle royale.  Technology and surprise met natural skill and experience, balancing each other out nicely.  

            Cestus fired a pair of missiles from shoulder mounted launchers.  "Look, can you just give up or something?  I'm only getting three credits for this and I don't want to get bruised up before my date tonight."

            Starfire dodged between the rockets, which twisted in mid-flight to follower her path.  "If you do not wish to fight us, then why are you trying to kill me!?" 

            Cestus took advantage of Star's frantic mid-air flight, opening up with a pair of machine guns mounted in her wrists.  Starfire scarcely managed to dodge the full barrage, but managed to put both missiles through the hail of depleted uranium, detonating both.  "Look, it's nothing personal.  I'm just doing my job."

            Starfire glowed a bright green color and fired a large starbolt that caught Cestus dead on.  "As you humans say, 'if you cannot stand the temperature increase, do not enter the food preparation area.'"  

            Cestus had crossed both arms in front of her face, protecting the only exposed part of her body from the blast.  "Great, a fair fight.  Those always take FOREVER."  

She blasted in close, catching Starfire across the jaw with a hard jab.  Starfire reeled from the blow, responding with a kick to the face that all but broke Cestus' nose.  She followed up the attack with a point blank starbolt that sent Cestus flying into the side of a building.  

As blood flowed freely from her nose, Cestus berated herself.  Already her voice was almost unintelligible.  "Da Doctah asked if ya wanted da force field.  Did ya say yez?  No, you wanded mo' guns.  And now you nose is bwoken.  Dat bitch is goin' down!"  Cestus opened up with every weapon in her arsenal, sending wave after wave of missiles, bullets and laser beams at a very surprised Starfire.  

Fortunately for Kory, she had knocked Cestus' targeting sensors off balance, so most of the barrage missed.  However, a bolt of energy burned into her upper right arm, stripping most of her skin off.  Then, a missile detonated close enough that the wounded Starfire was blown through a wall and onto the main street, in plain sight of the others.  She landed hard, and was obviously down for the count.

Cestus hadn't made that final attack without consequences, however.  Her suit suddenly became unbearably hot as waste heat from the weapon flooded her systems.  Where bare skin touched metal, she suffered her own burns.  Before the temperatures could detonate her remaining ammunition, a failsafe in the suit teleported her back to Peregrine's home base.  Even as the shockwave from the ammo explosion shattered windows for nearly a square block, Cestus found herself in the teleportation room.

However, she was in no shape for any date that night.  

So, it all came down to Gauntlet and Robin.  Brick literally couldn't lay a hand on them, as the pair bounced off of walls, lampposts or whatever handy surfaces presented themselves.  They bombarded him with whatever was available, from cars to explosive disks to mailboxes.  At one point, Gauntlet even managed to find a kitchen sink to whack him with.  

Robert and Robin fell back, panting from their exertions.  

Brick didn't look like he'd even noticed the attack.  

Robin, between breaths, said, "How in… the hell… did you beat this guy… alone?"

Robert responded in kind.  "He didn't use… to be… this strong.  I mean, sure, he was tougher than me, but believe me, that would have taken him down last time I saw him.  Wait a minute…"  Robert called out, "Hey, Brick!"

"Huh?"  The colossal moron looked up, confused as always.  

"What's two plus two?"

Brick mulled over the quandary for a moment.  "I don't know what you say."  

Gauntlet grit his teeth.  "Damn, I thought Peregrine was helping him with this!  He used to at least know what math was!"

Before Robin could him what he meant, Brick charged forward.  "Bird man said to crush you, so I'll crush you!"  

The two rolled in opposite directions, but Brick kept going down the street, unable to bleed away his momentum.  Stuck at his top speed, he kept running, hoping to find something to stop himself with.

Robin groaned as he got up.  "What was Peregrine doing?"

Robert sighed.  "I only knew Brick when he was like this, but his boss, a crime lord in my home town, told me about him.  He used to be a very brilliant man, but he had some kind of degenerative disease that was destroying his body from the inside out.  Science had no cure, so he devoted himself to finding said cure.  He finally found a treatment, some kind of steroid or other.  He had been given a month to live, so he tested it on himself.  He didn't think he had anything to lose.  Boy, was he wrong.  Everything was great for a year or so.  Then he finally noticed that he was still growing and he was losing his mental capacity.  But by then, it was too late.  Now, as time goes on, he gets dumber and dumber and stronger and stronger.  Peregrine said that he had a treatment that would help him, but it's obviously not working.  Eventually, I figure he'll just be a brain dead lump of muscle."

Robin rose to his feet, dusting himself off.  "That's just awful… for him AND us.  How do you ever beat him?"

"I usually just dodge until I figure out a way to trick him.  But now, I don't know if he's even smart enough to get tricked anymore."  Robert stretched himself out.  "So, what's the game plan?  Do we chase him or help the others?"  

Robin thought.  "You're the only one left standing who could survive a punch from him.  I'll call an ambulance and do some first aid, you pursue."

Robert blanched slightly, but found his resolve.  "OK… now, just because he's my enemy, no reason not to send any help my way, OK?"  Robin nodded, so Robert took off after Brick.

Brick, still unable to stop himself, rammed through building after building.  China shops, grocery stores, none were spared the wrath of his inertia.  Finally, he managed to bring himself to a halt outside of a movie theater.  "Whew, I didn't think I could stop."  

            "Hey stupid, look sharp!"  Robert called out from a block away, hoping to draw Brick into the middle of a four way intersection.  _I have to keep him as far away from any civilians as possible, and this is all that's available.  _

            Brick charged.  "I am not stupid!  I'm gonna crush you!"  

            Brick's fist swung down, smashing the concrete.  Robert leapt up, landing on Brick's arm.  Forming a gigantic shovel shaped implement with his energy, Robert smashed Brick's face as hard as he could.  Even with his newly increased strength, the giant was momentarily stunned by the blow.  Robert took advantage of this pause, knowing that it was more due to his surprise than any damage.  He leapt down, punching Brick as he went.  Using the force field to support himself, he hefted Brick over his head and threw him as hard as he could through a nearby wall.  

            He flew right into the movie theater that Gauntlet had vowed to keep him away from a moment before.

            Gauntlet smacked his forehead.  "BLAST MY SHORT ATTENTION SPAN!"  

            By some coincidence, i.e. cheap plot device, this was the same theater in which Raven and Noel were enjoying their day off.  Both were dressed casually, expecting nothing out of the ordinary.

            Brick's flight took the prospect of an ordinary day completely out of the running.

            Noel shook his fist at the sky.  "Damn you, BobCat!  Every time I try to enjoy a moment with my girlfriend, something interrupts me!  Well I'm sick of it!"

            Raven patted Noel's shoulder.  "Honey, arguing with the author is like debating via e-mail.  You can never win, and you'll suffer in the end.  Now, let's worry about this giant who landed in the middle of the theater lobby, OK?"

            Noel sighed.  "And I was so looking forward to (insert name of current popular movie here.)"  

            "Nice attempt at making sure this fic stays timeless."

            "Thanks."  

            Brick stumbled to his feet.  His addled brain tried to take in his new surroundings.  "Huh?"  It failed miserably.  "OK, good guys coming… what did Bird Man say?"

            *******************

            Right before the battle…

            "Now, you malodorous buffoon, listen up and listen good.  If you start getting beaten, you must take for yourself a hostage.  This will make it so that the hero has to do whatever you want.  OK?"

            "OK, Bird Man."

            *******************

            Brick scratched his head.  "Something about sausage… oh yeah!  HEY!  I'M TAKING A SAUSAGE!  WHO WANTS TO BE MY SAUSAGE!?"

            Everyone's initial response was the scatter, leaving Raven and Noel alone in the lobby with Brick.  

            Brick walked forward.  "Alright sausages, hold still."

            Noel, being in his normal form, wondered whether or not he could risk transforming in front of this behemoth.  "Hey Raven, you willing to take a risk?"  She nodded.  "Hey, you!"

            "Who, me?"

            "I don't see anyone else here.  Now, I'm not here."

            Brick was now very confused.  "What?  But I see you…"

            "No, you don't."

            "OK."

            In a flash of light, Noel, mild mannered teenager, was replaced by Savior, protector of truth, justice and constant angst.  

            Brick blinked.  "Hey, that guy turned into you!"

            Savior shook his head.  "No, he ran that way."  He pointed to his right.  "Then I ran here.  See?"

            Brick was more confused than ever, but he decided to accept the story.  "OK."

            Suddenly, like a thousand angry vines, the Shimmer lashed out from Savior's arm.  The multitude of strands, each one less than a centimeter around, probed quickly, looking for anything that could be used as a projectile.  Anything from overpriced candy to the popcorn machine was grabbed, hoisted and thrown in a moment.  As soon as the strand (or strands, as some items needed multiple Shimmers to lift it) was relieved of its burden, it sought out another missile.  A hail of theatre detritus pelted a surprised Brick.  Although he suffered no damage, he stumbled backwards, covering his face.

            Raven surrounded herself with a field of black energy.  "Don't use up ALL the ammunition.  Azurath Metrion Zinthos!"  Several aging arcade machines in the lobby lifted up simultaneously and were hurled at Brick far more energetically than Savior's barrage.  

            Brick, already knocked off balance, took the heavy machines to the face.  He was knocked off hit feet and out through the same wall that he had exited.  

            "No fear, citizens, I'm here to YIPE!!!"  Gauntlet had finally arrived on scene, only to have Brick fly right at him.  With superhuman speed, he ducked down and took the blow to his shoulders.  He strained under the weight and impact, but succeeded in flipping Brick into the middle of the street again.  By now, all vehicles had either fled the scene or were abandoned.  Brick slammed into a sports car and quickly became embedded in the vehicle.  

            Savior quickly treated a panting Gauntlet to a world class glare.  "Somehow, I know this is _your fault."_

            Robert shrugged.  "Not my fault some of my old dancing partners decided to show up.  This guy's Brick.  Hard as a brick, strong as a brick, dumb as a brick.  And believe me, he's going to get back up any second now."

            Brick fulfilled Gauntlet's prediction, charging the trio of heroes.  "RRRRRRRRRAGH!"  

            Savior and Raven quickly dodged out of the way.  Robert took a much more direct approach.  He leapt straight at Brick, landing on his back.  His force field took the shape of dozens of strands of energy, much like Savior's maneuver a few minutes before.  Now firmly attached to Brick, he leapt down, landing on all fours on the street.  He extended more of his field downward, between the molecules of the concrete itself, quickly rooting him to the spot.  

            Brick was clotheslined by the energy and fell on his back.  In seconds, he was getting back on his feet.  

            Gauntlet panted hard as the ever present yellow glow of his force field flickered out.  So many simultaneous manipulations of his energy always exhausted him.  He gave the other Titans a sideways glance.  "OK, that was my plan, what's yours?"  

            Raven lifted a mailbox and let fly, buying them a few more seconds.  "We obviously can't keep him off balance forever.  We've barely been at this a minute, but we all look wasted."  She followed up with a Buick.  It landed on top of him with a satisfying crunch.  

            Robert said, "In the past, I've always managed to mess with his head until whoever is pulling his strings decided to call it quits.  This time, Cyborg took out his boss, so he's going to keep following the order to crush me until I'm paste."  

            Savior thought quickly.  "I have an idea.  You two keep him busy.  I need to time this perfectly."

            Robert chuckled slightly.  With a thought, the yellow screen slipped back up, taking the form of a gigantic mallet.  "Time for round… two?  Three?  OK, I lost count.  But it's gonna be the last one!  BRICK NO BAKA!"  

With that, he leapt twenty feet, swinging his instrument of doom with all the force he could muster.  It caught Brick in the gut, forcing him to take a few steps back.  

Gauntlet attempted to dodge out of the way of Brick's counterattack, but with his fatigue from the long fight he was too slow.  Brick's massive hand wrapped around his ankle with room to spare.  Taking advantage of Robert's momentum, Brick slammed his adversary face first into the concrete.  Gauntlet lost consciousness immediately.  

Brick lifted both hands up above his head.  "Now Brick crush you, Gauntlet!"

Suddenly, a strand of white flew out, embedding itself in Brick's ear.  Brick jerked for a few moments, and then fell to the ground.  

Raven floated down.  "Cut it close much?"  

Savior shrugged.  "Had to keep him busy.  His mind's slow enough that I wanted some extra time to knock him out.  Not my fault the rookie tackled him head on.  But his death shall be avenged."

Robert muttered, "I'm not dead yet…"

Raven stomped his head into the concrete.  "No Monty Python!  Fanfic authors have been relying on their gags for too long!"

Savior commented, "So what, now we go to the old standby of fourth wall breaking?  THAT'S original."  

Robert moaned, "Can we just end this chapter already?  Good beat evil, the police will be here soon, and my bones need time to knit."

End Part 4

"Thank you."

Next Time: Thunder and Lightning return!

Robert: Could their names BE any less original?

(Lightning blasts him)

Lightning: Could you BE any crispier?

Robert: Tou…ché…

There you can find a pic of Gauntlet, drawn by yours truly.


	5. The Epic of Gauntlet Part 5

The Epic of Gauntlet

Part 5

"I see by your outfit that you are a demi-god."  

By BobCat

Disclaimer: That which is not Gauntlet or other original characters is not mine.  Using that framework, it should be pretty simple to figure out who should be suing me and for what.

Notes: Since the TV show has never shown what Thunder and Lightning's origins were, I'm going to take many, many liberties with their back story, with a minor basis in the original DC comics continuity.  

******************

            "Back down, Pigs!  You take one step closer and I'll blow his freakin' head off!"

            It was a familiar scene in Jump City.  A costume clad nut with superpowers had decided to commit a daring daylight robbery, only to find that his own abilities were not developed enough to evade Jump City's finest.  Pinned in a corner, he had grabbed a hostage, resulting in a high tension standoff between nut and police that would probably end in pain.  

            This time, the nut was a janitor named Joshua Kurgal who had been subjected to a one in a billion chance combining gamma radiation, toxic waste and thirty fluid ounces of Pepsi Vanilla.  These had combined to give him the strength of two men and the power to split into two identical copies of himself, although he lost the extra strength.  Armed with his new power, a poorly made costume with a duct tape yin yang on the front of it and the inspired name of Gemini, his crime spree had begun.

            Unfortunately, the bank he had opted to rob had three guards.  

            One of the duplicates had managed to get itself shot, causing him to merge back into one man with a small but painful gun would in his arm.  Going to standard criminal Plan B, he had grabbed a pretty young bank teller and held a gun to her head.  Unfortunately, she had taken enough self defense courses to force him to let her go.  Going to Plan C, he had managed to find an infant and was now holding the gun to his head.  He had been forced to exit the bank to find said youngster and was now huddling in an alleyway behind a dumpster.

            And it was to this scene that Robert had arrived.  From the roof of a nearby building, he observed the goings on below.  "Hm.  He called them pigs.  I was going to guess coppers.  What do you think, Robin?"

            The Teen Wonder swooped down next to his teammate.  "I would have said just cops, but that goes to show what I know.  I'm surprised you heard me."

            Robert shrugged.  "I heard your cape flapping.  That thing isn't very stealth oriented, if you catch my drift."

            Robin surveyed the scene.  "So, a 114?"

            Robert nodded.  "Yup.  Lame first time villain botching a bank robbery.  He has a baby, and if he fires he won't miss.  So, the question is, now what?"

            Robin stroked his chin.  "The others are on the way, but they won't get here in time to help out.  We're going to have to be tricky about this."  Robin whipped out a set of binoculars.  "He doesn't look very confident about this… follow my lead."  He whipped out a grappling hook and swung across the gap between them and Gemini.  Robert followed suit.

            Gemini nearly had a heart attack when he heard the voices come from nowhere.  "Pull the trigger."

            Gemini glanced around.  "What the hell!?"

            "This is your subconscious.  I say, pull the trigger.  I mean, you promised to blow the kid's brains out.  Those people out there are expecting bloodshed, and you have a responsibility to deliver."

            A second voice piped in.  "I'm your inner child, and I agree!  Won't it be fun to shoot the kid?"

            Gemini blinked.  "Who are you really!?"

            The inner child spoke again.  "Look, buddy, we're you, OK?  Just pull the trigger and get it over with."

            Gemini was horrified.  "You can't be me!  I don't wanna hurt the kid!  I'm just in a bad spot…"

            Subconscious laughed.  "Look, you're going up the river either way, right?  Might as well take the little snot with you.  You're hurt.  You can't keep this up forever.  Just pull the trigger, OK?"

            The two voices started chanting, "Pull it!  Pull it!  Pull it!  Pull it!"  

            Gemini cried out, "SHADDAP!  OK, I'LL DO IT!  Sorry, kid…"  He pulled the trigger…

            And the gun clicked, bereft of ammunition.  "What in the…"  He finally noticed the yellow strands of energy that suspended all six of his shots in mid air.  "This… this isn't possible!"  He hardly noticed as the baby was lifted from his hands and shot straight upward.  

            Robin leapt down, planting his foot in Gemini's face.  The wounded man went down hard.

            Robert slowly slid down the side of the building, taking great care not to harm the child in his care.  "Hey, that went smoothly."

            Robin called out to the officers.  "Robin here!  We got him!"  He turned to his teammate.  "And for the record, I was the bad cop and you were the good cop.  Two bad cops just don't work."

            Gantlet shrugged.  "Hey, my energy field managed to disarm him from our hiding spot above and get the kid out of harm.  I'd say it worked pretty well."  

            The pair walked out of the alleyway, and were instantly mobbed by a swarm of frenzied members of the press.  Thousands of still shots were taken, and almost as many questions were lobbed at them.

            Robert shuddered.  "Argh!  I feel the press!  I feel the public's adoration!  AND IT BURNS!"

            Robin shielded his own eyes as Robert handed the baby to a crying woman, presumably his mother.  "Don't worry, I have a plan.  See how those guys are mostly FOX news and NBC?"  Robert cleared his throat and pointed.  "Why look!  Over there!  A minority man wearing a turban holding an anti Bush picket sign!"  While the press agents looked away, the pair ran off.

            Robert chuckled.  "Liberal or conservative, ya just gotta love how easy it is to manipulate with the media."         

            ***************

            Slade also chuckled as he watched the scene on a portable television.  _That new one is often good for a quick laugh.  Perhaps I shall keep him alive… perhaps.  _Satisfied that the Titans were otherwise occupied, he was ready to begin his operation.  He was in the mountains west of the city.  A forest of evergreen trees filled the landscape as far as the eye could see, except for one large swath cut from the forest.  This section had been destroyed during the fight between the demon Fire and the Titans.  "Knowing those fools, they thought that raising Fire was my true objective that day.  I have no use for a demon that can be defeated by a little rain."

            "Do you often talk to yourself, or am I fortunate to hear your ruminations?"  Slade's companion was a short Japanese boy of sixteen.  His black hair was short, but spiky, and he was dressed in a brown trench coat.  His hands were wrapped in bandages in a manner similar to a mummy, and a red head band, the only brightly colored item on him, flapped in the breeze.  

            Slade glared at the young man with his good eye.  "Young Kurai, it is not wise to anger your benefactor.  Unless, of course, you don't WANT my help with your… condition."  

The young man bristled at the mention of his infirmity, but let it drop.  He bowed slightly.  "Excuse my outburst, Deathstroke-sama.  I was… excited at the prospect of this new discovery."

Slade nodded.  _No need to alienate him.  He will be quite useful.  _"Forgiven.  Now let's go.  Be on your guard."  

            The pair walked through a field of waist deep grass.  Since the wooden structures that had housed Fire had been destroyed by Thunder and Lightning, whatever force had kept the grass neatly trimmed was gone.  Even after several months, though, the outline of Fire was still visible, as nothing grew there.  

            Finally, they reached their destination.  Slade brought out the tablet stolen from the museum during Mortimer's attack.  He handed it to Kurai.  "Exactly as we practiced.  Keep the power low."

            The young man nodded.  He closed his eyes as he concentrated, his hands glowing a bright red.  Quickly, the artifact matched his color, the marks glowing brightest of all.  

            For a few moments, nothing happened.  Then, a bright blue glow emanated from the ground, and over an area a meter in diameter the grass withered.  Finally, a manhole shaped structure became visible and pushed up from the ground.  The pair was forced to look away as the light intensified.  When it was bearable to look again, the hole had opened up.  

            Kurai was dumbstruck.  "I cannot believe that worked…"

            Slade said, "The technology of these Old Ones is mostly related to life energy, and that tablet translates it into a usable form.  Just like the other."  He scowled for a moment.  When Robin had betrayed him, the only other such tablet in existence had been destroyed.  An all purpose key to Old One structures was the most valuable tool in his goals, and he had lost it.  For that, the Titans would suffer doubly.  "Now, go down.  I shall follow."  

            Kurai tucked the tablet into a pocket in his coat and began the climb down, finding a handily located ladder.  "I do not see why they would live underground this way.  And if they did, I find it surprising that they would not have invented the elevator, considering their technology."

            Slade followed shortly after.  As Kurai waited for him at the bottom, he explained.  _I would not indulge my other minions so.  But, this boy is special and at least for the moment I need him.  _"These were not living quarters.  They were either emergency shelters or military stockpiles.  I have found three others like this, but none have had what I am looking for.  And before you ask, yes, I do know what it would look like.  No more questions."  _My patience only goes so far… wait, what is that noise?_

They found themselves in a gigantic room, metal as far as they could see.  Devices that defied definition were neatly stacked across the bay, gleaming, cold and lifeless.  

            Except that one group of devices began to shine a bright green.  These were shaped like insects and were roughly the size of a basketball.  Despite any evident source of propulsion, they quickly lifted into the air.  In moments, they were surrounded.  Kurai stepped towards one swarm of the defenders.  "I shall try the tablet!"  He pulled out the ancient device and his energy flowed through it again.  The blue light came forth.

            For a moment, a high pitched buzzing filled the air.  The pair realized that they were analyzing the energy pattern, verifying the identity of the user.  Evidently, they did not like the feel of Kurai's energy, as they sprouted a pair of nasty looking claws from their undercarriages.  These began spitting bolts of energy.  

            Kurai responded quickly.  He ducked down, laser bolts blasting past his head.  He tossed the tablet to Slade, as he needed his hands free to use his power.  Kurai's hands glowed a bright red, the bandages burning off in seconds. He returned fire with bolts of raw _ki__ energy, blasting drone after drone.  The drones immediately decided that Kurai presented the greater threat and began pelting him with blast after blast.  Kurai's bright red energy field absorbed or reflected the full barrage._

            Slade's response was slower as he put the tablet in its carrying case.  He then whipped out a pair of pistols.  Although his shots lacked Kurai's power, they more than made up for it with their precision and accuracy.  One drone after another fell, but more sprang up to replace them.  "There are too many!"  

            Kurai's eyes burned with power.  "For the small blasts that I have been using, yes.  Perhaps more raw power is needed!"  He cried out, sending a ball of energy easily as large as he was.  It quickly split into dozens of smaller blast, smashing the insectoid drones instantly.  More bursts missed their targets altogether, blowing holes in the walls and floor.

            Slade snapped, "Fall back!  Another burst like that one and you could destroy everything, fool!"  Kurai nodded his ascent, covering Slade's escape from the bunker.  When he knew that his employer was clear, he leapt up and out of the hole, nearly twenty feet.  As the two left, the manhole closed itself again.  

            Kurai looked no worse from wear, despite his mighty exertions.  "You said you have encountered bunkers like these before.  So explain; WHY did you not warn me about these drones?"

            Slade glared at his assistant again.  "Do not take that tone with me.  You may think yourself my superior, but your life is in MY hands.  And to answer your question, none have been this intact.  This is actually a good thing."

            Kurai's eyes widened.  "Please explain."  

            "If the security is this well preserved, it stands to reason that the other items have survived.  The trick is getting at it.  And I have the inklings of a plan…"

            Kurai ventured, "Involving Thunder and Lightning?"

            Slade blinked.  "How did you know?"

            "This episode has been billed as the return of Thunder and Lightning."

            Slade grimaced.  "Leave the poor fourth wall alone, Kurai.  Now, here's what we'll do…" 

            ********************

            One week later…

            "King me!"  Robert cackled evilly as he hopped over Gar's last checker piece, claiming the ninety-third victory of the afternoon.

            Gar wailed, "How is this possible?  I went first!"

            Victor, who was watching the biography channel, glanced over.  "What does THAT have to do with anything?"

            Gar replied, "I looked it up.  If you go first in checkers, it's almost impossible to lose.  Obviously HE cheated."

            Robert stood up and stretched.  "Or else you're just that bad at checkers."

            Victor chuckled.  "Yeah, games of wit aren't his forte.  Remember that time he played chess with Noel?"

            Robert smirked.  "Oh yeah.  The only chess game ever with checkmate in one move."  

            Gar muttered and stomped out of the room.

            Robert, fully stretched out and ready to go, plopped down on the couch next to Victor.  "So, who's this one about?"

            "Pamela Anderson.  And they got pictures!"

            "Oh yeah!"  Robert started fiddling with the VCR.  "Tell me we have a blank tape!"  

            And then the words that a superhero dreads were uttered…

            "We interrupt this program to bring you a special report."

            "ARGH!  ALWAYS when something good's on.  No, Raven's art channel and Starfire's cartoons NEVER get interrupted for this.  It's always when Cyborg gets to see a little skin."  Victor nudged up the volume.  "Five gets you ten this involves us."

            Robert snorted.  "Yeah right.  Those are sucker's odds.  Let me just get ready to rumble…"  He suddenly posed oddly, standing on one foot while holding both arms parallel and to his right.  "Gauntlet… Armor… Up!"  A flash of yellow, and the golden metal of his ring turned a grey, spreading the length of his arm, while the red ruby turned a light blue and became an inset orb on the back of his hand."

            Cyborg ran past.  "I've set the signal, but the others are spread throughout town.  We're the closest, so we have to hold them off for a bit.  Gar's already in the T-Car.  Let's go!"

            Robert stood there, slightly stunned.  "Eh?"

            "Move it, sentai pose boy!"  Gauntlet yelped as Cyborg grabbed his arm, hauling him out the door.

            *************

            "Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah Ti-Tans!"  

            Cyborg glared at his passenger.  "For the last time, no theme song while we're drivin' the T-Car.  It's an insult to my baby."  He patted the dashboard of his newly finished custom job.  "Ain't that right, baby?  Yes it is, oh, yes it is!"

            Robert sighed.  _Man, he loves this thing just a little too much.  "OK, fine.  So, who are we fighting?  Injustice League?  Legion of Doom?  Society of General Not Niceness?"  They had just reached downtown, and the sounds of combat were now audible.  _

            Gar sulked.  "We never get that lucky.  And how come HE gets shotgun?"

            Cyborg shook his head.  "Well, Gar, it's 'cause you always shed in the front.  The back ain't leather, so she's easier to get the hair out of.  And Rob, to answer your question, it's a couple of self proclaimed demi-gods named Thunder and Lightning."

            "You… ARE making those names up, right?"

            Cyborg scanned his rear view mirror as he changed lanes.  "Wish I was.  But watch it.  They're a lot more powerful than they are creative."

            Robert pointed.  "I'm going to guess that that's them that we're about to run into, right?"  Indeed, directly ahead of them were the brothers.

            Lightning struck what he thought was an intimidating pose and laughed.  "Ah, you have finally arrived!  Very good!  We grew weary with the sport that these mortals… YIPE!"  Cyborg hit the brakes too late, and Lightning barely managed to dodge out of the way in time.

            Thunder was not so lucky.  The impact catapulted him away and into the side of a building.

            Cyborg wailed, "Oh no!  My car!"  He quickly shut off the engine and ran out and was dismayed to see the gigantic dent in the hood of the T-Car.  "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  

            Thunder was made of sterner stuff than the T-Car, though, and he stumbled out of the cloud of dust that the crumbling wall had left in its place.  "Ugh, brother, did you get the license plate of that truck?"

            Robert and Gar quickly exited the car through the windows, Gar shifting into a wolf as he went.  

            Lightning charged up an attack.  "What, only three of you stand before the might of the elements themselves?  You have severely underestimated us!"

            Gar quipped, "And you severely underestimate the powers of teenage hormones.  We were on duty because WE don't have girlfriends."  

            Thunder sighed.  "A pain we know all too well."

            Lightning flexed his arm.  "And it makes no sense!  Who could resist THIS?"

            Robert stroked his chin.  "Maybe it's the hair."

            Lightning snapped, "What's wrong with my hair!?"

            Robert shrugged.  "Nothing.  It's just that it kinda screams 'I watched too much Dragon Ball and decided to do up my hair that way.'  And the Japanese style armor makes you look a little weird."            

            Gar shook his head.  "Nah, Savior's got the hair thing going too, and he got Raven.  It's probably the armor."

            "My armor is cool!  Tremble before my might, mortal!"  Lightning fired off an energy bolt at Gauntlet.  His energy shield flashed a bright yellow as it tried to hold back the electrical blast.  His scream of pain as he fell on his rump showed that it was only somewhat successful.  

            Gauntlet smirked.  "I underestimated you guys.  What with the dorky names and all."

            Thunder fired his own energy burst at Gauntlet, who barely managed to dodge that particular shot.  "Our names aren't dorky!  They match us to a T!"

            Gauntlet leapt forward, launching a kick that caught Thunder across the face.  "Yeah, but they aren't very original.  I mean, maybe you could do something along the same theme?  Maybe you could call yourself Thor or Zeus or something."  

            Gar took advantage of Gauntlet's banter, rushing in and biting Lightning on the rear.  "ARGH!"  He spun about, but Beast Boy was already out of the way, turning into a monkey in mid flight and tackling Lightning.  He scrambled across his face, keeping him from getting off a good shot.

            And Cyborg kept trying to fix his car.

            Robert caught a blow across the face from Thunder and fell to his knees.  He recovered quickly and swept his foot into the back of Thunder's right knee.  He cried out in pain.  Robert followed up with a punch to the face which snapped his head back.  Thunder stumbled back and summoned a burst of bright blue energy that blasted Robert through one side of the T-Car and out the other.  

            "NOOOOOOOOOOO!  My baby!"  His arm shifted to its sonic cannon configuration, while his chest opened up, revealing a pair of missile launchers.  "You're goin' down, bitch!"  

            Before Thunder could respond a wave of pure sonic energy, followed by a volley of missiles, flew out from Cyborg's launchers.  He cried out in pain as his inner ear was thrown into turmoil, and the explosions from the missiles threw him back.  He bounced across the street three times before skidding to a halt.  Thunder muttered, "Ugh.  I don't think this is worth the effort…"  

            Beast Boy was thrown back by a lucky shot from Lightning.  Gar moaned as the yellow warrior laughed.  "Hah!  You fight well, but you are no match for me!"

            Robert picked himself up.  He did not notice that his force field had bent the lamp post he had flown into, nor did he notice that the bent section was shaped like the top of his head.  "Ugh…"  

            Cyborg switched his right arm to autocannon mode and fired a few rounds, forcing the pair to duck behind into a supermarket for cover.  "Hey, you two good to go?  'Cause I haven't been able to reload for a while and I can't keep 'em pinned forever!"

            Robert shook his head, attempting to clear the cobwebs from his mind.  "OK… ow.  That REALLY hurt."

            A crispy Beast Boy landed next to the pair.  "No kidding!  Where are the others!?"  

            "It doesn't matter."  Robert clutched his left arm.  "Think I pulled something, have a borderline concussion and I know I broke something, but we can take 'em."

            The steady clatter of Victor's autocannon finally halted after nearly a minute of continuous fire.  An ammunition casing flew from Cyborg's arm as it shifted back to its normal mode.  "Well, I'm empty.  Any ideas?"  

            Robert peered into the store.  "Noone in there… looks like everyone had the sense to get out of the area.  So, we don't have to worry about any civilians.  I vote we charge them head on.  They took it about as bad as we did."

            Beast Boy said, "Well, I'm wondering why they're here at all.  Last time, they learned responsibility and promised not to do this kind of thing again!"

            Gauntlet replied, "Obviously they lied."

            Cyborg frowned.  "Nah, they seemed pretty sincere.  So someone must be forcing 'em to do this.  I say we find out."  

            Thunder and Lightning seemed to be thinking much the same thing.  They had procured a white sheet of butcher paper as a truce flag and waved it through a hole in the storefront's window.  "Truce?"

            Robert sighed in relief.  "Thank God.  I was just blowing smoke; I couldn't move another inch!"  

            Cyborg called out, "Truce!"  

            Thunder and Lightning exited the store, looking crestfallen.  Thunder limped a bit from Robert's kick, and Lightning's right eye was swelling shut from a blow from Beast Boy.  

            Robert began.  "All right, we've agreed to your parlay, why did you feel the need to BREAK MY FRIGGIN' ARM!?"  He got strange looks from everyone.  "OK, fine, it isn't broken.  But it sure doesn't feel good!  What's the deal!?"  

            Lightning continued the tale.  "We are the offspring of a member of the United States military, Lieutenant Walter Williams.  Or so we are told by our mother, whom he had relations with while he served in Okinawa.  He left before we were born, and probably does not know of us.  We had never sought him out, believing that anyone so callous as to abandon our mother would not be worth knowing.  And then a little under a week ago we had the misfortune of meeting Slade once again." 

            And thusly was the following tale related…

            *******************

            Five days before…

            In an uninhabited corner of the Rocky Mountains, the brothers Thunder and Lightning sat by a campfire.  A newly caught trout roasted on a spit as the two relaxed.

            Thunder sighed contentedly.  "Is this not the life, brother?  Fresh air, beautiful scenery, and a return to simplicity.  All is well."

            Lightning poked at the fire with a stick, prompting a few sparks.  "Perhaps.  I do miss a few things about civilization, but this is a nice respite."  

            "Then I suppose you shall not be happy to see me at all, considering the news I bring."  The pair turned to face the source of the familiar voice.  Slade, dressed in his Deathstroke armor, stepped from the underbrush.  "I have need of your services again."

            Electricity leapt along Lightning's arms.  "What?  You _dare show yourself again after last time!?"_

            Thunder stood up as well.  He brought his fists together, creating a small booming noise.  "I suggest you leave, Slade."  

            Although his two colored mask obscured all but his left eye, the pair of demi gods got the impression of a haughty smirk.  "I'm wounded.  After I provided you with such fine sport; fighting Fire was your own decision."

            Each prepared a bolt of energy.  Slade, despite his seemingly dangerous position, did not seem to notice his peril.  "I would not suggest that you make any move against me."

            Lightning laughed.  "You bluff to cover your folly!  What did you expect to happen when you enter our camp without weaponry?"

            "I expect you to beg for mercy in about three seconds.  Sic 'em."  

            Before either Thunder or Lightning could respond, Kurai leapt down from the trees, interposing himself between Slade and the pair of elemental warriors.  He crossed his hands in front of his chest.  "As you wish, Slade.  I shall offer you both the courtesy of an opening shot."  

            Thunder blinked.  "What folly is this?  Do you not know our abilities!?"

            Kurai's arrogant smirk grated Lightning's nerves.  "I can sense out your energy.  Believe me, you lack the skill and power to defeat me.  In fact, I do not know exactly why Slade-sensei has need of you."

            Lightning fired a bolt of electrical energy at Kurai.  "You shall pay for your arrogance!"  Lightning gasped in surprise as the attack halted a foot from the boy.  

            Kurai's smirk somehow managed to become even more arrogant.  "And now that you have fired your free shot, you shall not make another."  Kurai leapt forward and planted his fist in Lightning's gut.  The armor shattered at the blow, and the demi-god went flying back.  He bounced across the ground, coming to a stop.

            "Brother!"  Thunder launched a blue energy wave at Kurai.  Kurai had not anticipated the size of the attack, and it washed over him, vaporizing his coat.

            Kurai's eyes blazed.  "That was my favorite coat.  Now you shall…"

            Slade laid a hand on his shoulder, oblivious to the heat radiating from his body.  "Down, boy.  You do not wish to overexert yourself this early in the game."

            Lightning rose shakily to his feet.  "I do not take kindly to sucker punches!"  Lightning was surrounded by an aura of pure electricity.  "Let us see how you fare when we know what to expect!"

            Slade stepped between the two.  "Stand down, youngsters, or else your father suffers."  

            Lightning stopped in an instant.  "Father?!  What do you know of him!?"

            Slade again gave the impression of smirking.  "I have my sources.  To make a long story short, I have him hostage, and he will die unless you do as I say."

            ********************

Thunder's forlorn expression never changed.  "Beast Boy, I promise you that we would not have returned to our irresponsible ways if given another choice.  But, the he has forced us to do this."

            Robert interrupted.  "Question: wouldn't calling a truce with us constitute not doing exactly as he said?"

            Cyborg glared.  "Let the man talk, Rob.  Go on, Thunder."

            Lightning continued instead.  "That is the bulk of our story.  Now the question is, what next?  He gave us no instructions after drawing you into combat, so I believe we are free to act as we will from here on out."

            Rob looked thoughtful.  "Well, I guess we find the others, and then try to figure out what this Slade fellow is up to.  Not that I know who he is.  Why should anyone tell me who my enemies are?  I'm just a bloody Titan!"

            Gar suddenly stiffened.  He shifted to the form of a wolf and sniffed the air.  "What?  I can smell Robin and Star, but I don't see them…"  

            Suddenly, a shockwave sent everything not bolted to the street flying back.  All five metahumans flew with the cloud of debris, landing roughly on the concrete.  A cloud of smoke cut visible range to less than ten feet.

            Lightning was the first on his feet, electricity blazing about him.  "Who dares!?"

            Kurai stepped from the smoke, holding an unconscious and bloody Robin by the scruff of his cape.  "Ah, Lightning, good to meet you again.  I see that you have a nice, what is the word… shiner developing.  What, did a little girl beat you up again?"

            A thunderbolt crackled into place in Lightning's hands, but Kurai lifted Robin, interposing the Teen Wonder between the two.  Lightning snarled, "What, you are afraid to face me now that you do not have surprise on your side!?"  

            Kurai's ever present smirk intensified.  "No, I simply do not wish you to waste your energy before the main event."  Kurai glanced out of the corner of his eye.  "Pardon me a moment."  He dropped Robin to the ground and leapt up.

            The smoke was briefly parted by a Starbolt that flew out, going beneath the airborne Kurai and slamming into Lightning.  Kurai turned around in mid air and landed, ready to face an enraged Starfire.  It was unclear whether it was coincidence or design that he landed on Robin's back.  The Teen Wonder moaned in pain as something cracked.  

            Starfire followed a moment later.  "You shall pay for hurting him!!!"  Moving at full speed, she caught Kurai off guard, slamming him in the gut.  He flew backwards for nearly twenty feet, but finally managed to halt his flight.  

            Kurai glanced about, seeing nothing in the smoke.  The sheer amount of energy, Ki or otherwise, that had been bandied about the place over the last twenty minutes or so was making it hard for him to figure out where anything was with his Ki senses.

            Another Starbolt flew out.  This time, he did not see it coming in time and took the blast head on.  He managed to keep on his feet this time.  Starfire attacked from above, flying in next to him and hitting him on the side of the head with a spin kick.  

            Kurai lashed out and caught Starfire's ankle.  "You are a worthy opponent, Starfire of Tamaran.  However…"  He slammed her into the ground mercilessly.  "There is no mortal alive who could match my power."  He did not release her foot, not wanting her to get a chance at another sneak attack.  

            "We shall see about that!"  Starfire twisted around and fired a Starbolt.  This one was far weaker than the previous attacks, and Kurai batted it aside with no effort.  

            Kurai laughed aloud before he kicked her in the face.  He did not release her, so the titanic blow nearly dislocated her leg.  "Is this the best you can do?  If I wished to fight retarded kittens, I would find some!"  

            A voice spoke up.  "Is that was passes for banter these days?"

            A second voice piped up.  "To be fair, it doesn't sound like English is his first language."

            "But still.  The overall quality of villains has gone downhill."  

            Kurai dropped a wounded Starfire and whirled around.  "Show yourselves!"

            The first voice, now identifiable as a man, laughed.  "Hah!  Like we're that stupid.  You gave us this great cover, we're using it."  

            Kurai was suddenly pelted by a barrage of stone and brick debris, some of it surrounded by an aura of black energy, others traveling thanks to good old fashioned kinetic energy.  Kurai covered his face, taking the attack in silence.  

            Finally, he managed to divine the life energy of one of his attackers.  "Aha…"  He charged a bolt of red energy and threw at his tormentor.  He heard a feminine cry and an explosion, and then nothing.  

            Kurai stood, waiting for a counterattack.  After nearly a minute, the Shimmer lashed out from the dust cloud, biting into Kurai's back.  

"You made a biiiig mistake hurting her!"  Savior's voice echoed about the deserted street, making it difficult to guess the source of the attack.

"You fight without honor, striking from the shadows!"  The Shimmer swung out again, hoping to pull the same trick twice.  He succeeded, gouging another gash in Kurai's back.  He hissed at the slap and reached out, grabbing the white rope.  He yanked it as hard as he could, bringing him out of the gloom.  "A shame you do not have the stealth of the _shinobi_."  Before Savior could respond one way or the other, a right hook knocked him senseless.

            Kurai crossed his arms in front of his chest again.  "Once again, I find that I am lacking suitable challenge."  

            "I wouldn't be so sure about that."  Robert stepped from the gloom.  Although his clothes were shredded, the skin beneath looked to have healed.  "That Raven is a good healer.  Too bad she only got to me before you knocked her out.  She had to cover Savior, he's the jerk you just KO'd, when he launched that attack.  Now, I…"  As Robert finally saw his enemy, he stopped. 

            Both warriors sized each other up for several moments, speechless.  After what seemed like an eternity, they spoke in unison.

            "What the hell are YOU doing here!?"

            End Part 5

            How do Robert and Kurai know each other?  Tune in, some time, same website for the exiting continuation of…

            THE EPIC OF GAUNTLET.

            Annoying Singers: E-P-I-C!  G-A-U!  N-T.  LET!

            We're sorry.  The people responsible for that segment have been sacked.


	6. The Epic of Gauntlet Part 6

The Epic of Gauntlet

Part 6

"I hate you, you hate me, that's the way that it should be."

By BobCat

Disclaimer: Hey that lawyer said to me, "Hey I said I didn't want you writin' no more" yeah whatever!  'Cause this is MY fanfiction net of whatever!  And this protected by International Copyright Law!  Nah nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh!

Notes: This chapter has a very small amount of Japanese in it.  Here's a translation guide:

Baka: Moron, idiot.

Onii-chan: A cute way of saying "big brother."  

Hai: Yes.

            ****************

            On all sides of them, smoke and dust billowed out, obscuring the city streets for several blocks.  One was the newest Teen Titan, Robert Candide.  The other was an overpowered Japanese teen with enough power to vaporize Jump City.  Each stood, clothes tattered, minor wounds leaking their lifeblood even as the thick dust caked around the liquid.  Neither noticed this inconvenience as they engaged in a staring contest of unimaginable intensity.  And considering how many random particles were flying though the air and their large, anime style eyes, that meant they REEEEALLY hated each other.  

            Kurai broke the silence.  "You honorless dog!  How DARE you show your face before me again!?"  

            Robert cracked his knuckles.  "I should be asking you that question!  You should be back in Japan, buddy boy.  This is Gauntlet country you're in here."  

            Kurai charged forward.  "Then allow me to annex it from you!"

            "Man, you are just no good at banter, are you?"  Robert leapt above Kurai's attack, planting his foot in the back of his head.  Kurai was thrown off balance, barely regaining his footing in mid stride.  

            Kurai's energy flared a bright red as he stopped and whirled about.  "Die!"  An energy bolt flashed out, slamming into Gauntlet's energy shield.  Unfortunately for our hero, the shield provided little resistance to the powerful attack after the protracted fight he had been subjected to.  

            Gauntlet hit the concrete hard and slid along.  "Ow… evidently Raven's healing job didn't refresh my energy stores… man, I hate learning this kind of stuff in mid fight."  

            Kurai stood over his fallen enemy.  "I remember when first we met…"

            ****************

            In a train station in Japan…

            Amidst a gigantic crowd of people, a site-seeing Robert bumped into a distracted Kurai.  Robert did not notice, as he was being forced along by the sea of humanity.

            ***************

            Kurai ranted, "And for that insult, I shall have my revenge!"  

            Robert shook his head.  "No no no!  That wasn't the first time we met!  It was at my grandmother's boarding house in Uberton!"  Robert thought back wistfully.  "I was four at the time.  The same age as your little sister, Yohko.  Your father had business in Uberton for a few weeks, and I was staying with her over the summer.  We had some good times…"  

            ***************

            Eleven years prior

            A little boy with black hair sat in a sand box, making a very rough castle.  Helping him in this effort was a younger girl with short, brown hair.  

            "Hey, Kei-chan, they say that if two people go to Tokyo U together, they'll fall in love and…"  Her sentimental little speech was halted as a water balloon hit the back of her head.  She sat there, totally surprised by the attack.  Then she began weeping and ran back towards the boarding house.  

            The little boy stood up quickly and started shaking his fist.  "Hey, you meanies!  You made her cr-ieee!"  He too ran as several more water balloons pelted him and the sandbox.  "I'M TELLING!"  

            From a cardboard box with the hastily scrawled words "Pirate ship" on the side, a young Robert (mysteriously wearing a small version of his Gauntlet t-shirt) waved about a wooden sword.  "Arr and avast!  Shiver me matey!"  

            A young girl with short, black hair laughed at the antics of her new friend.  She wore a sweater and a skirt, as well as a borrowed eye patch.  "Ah, Rob-chan!  You are too much!"  

            Robert scanned the horizon, spotting a young Kurai in a lotus position under a tree.  Apparently, his taste of clothing had not changed much in a decade, although he did not need bandages at that point.  "Avast!  'Tis a boring guy off the starboard bow!"  

            Yohko leaned over the side.  "Onii-chan!  Come over and play with us!"  

            Kurai opened one eye.  "I am a warrior!  Warriors don't play!  You and that baka can stop wasting your time and train with me!"

            Robert stuck out his tongue.  "You're so boring!  If you were any more boring… you… um…"  He struggled for a few more moments, eventually abandoning hope of finding a better insult.  "You wouldn't be very fun at all!"  He decided to punctuate his poor turn of phrase with a water balloon.  This one hit Kurai in the face, drenching him totally.  

            Kurai sputtered for a few moments.  "You insult my honor!  Now you die!"  Kurai threw a small bolt of energy at Robert, who ducked behind the relative safety of his cardboard box.  

            Yohko stepped forward quickly and fired her own, significantly larger bolt of ki.  It swallowed up Kurai's attack and flew at the young warrior, blowing up everything for several feet in all directions.

            A crispy looking Kurai jumped up and down, waving his arms wildly.  "You hide behind my sister for now, you honorless dog!  But I shall destroy you!  Someday!  SOMEDAY!"

            *****************

            Present…

            Kurai remembered.  "Hmm.  I had forgotten about that.  And to think I wanted to kill you over that incident at the train station… now I REALLY want to kill you!"  

            Robert, still vanquished, laughed at his tormentor.  "Hah hah!  Your little sister can kick your ass!  Hah hah!"  

            Kurai's energy flared out about him as the dust cloud finally began to clear.  Robert gasped as he saw that all of the other Titans, as well as Thunder and Lightning, were sprawled in very uncomfortable looking positions.  "Maybe, but you still can't!  All of you together lacked the skill and power needed to defeat me!  Any last words?"  

            Robert's eye caught something moving behind the boasting boy.  "Hey look, up in the sky!"  

            Kurai laughed.  "Hah!  As though I'm foolhardy enough to fall for that tri-ACK!"  Kurai was rocked by the unexpected blow the face.  He shook his head and looked for the source of the attack.  He saw something lying on the ground.  "An arrow with a boxing glove on the tip!?"  

            From the top of a nearby building, in all his glory, stood the mighty Green Arrow, aka Oliver Queen.  Dressed like a Robin Hood wannabe, he had already knocked another arrow into place.  "Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" 

            Robert managed to lever himself onto his feet.  "Hey, thanks Mr. Arrow!"

            Kurai's eye twitched.  "I have defeated alien warriors, men with the powers of gods and the best that technology and magic can throw at me… and now a man armed with a bow and arrow is going to try and stop me!?"  

            Green Arrow let fly with another shot, the shaft whistling as it cut through the air.  "You catch on fast."  This arrow had a suction cup on the end that attached itself to Kurai's chest.

            Kurai laughed.  "Hah!  What did you expect THAT to do-YAAAARGH!"  He started twitching uncontrollably as ten thousand volts ran through him.  He fell on his knees, smoking and panting.  "Wh- a tazer arrow!?"

            Green Arrow leapt down, kicking the shocked (no pun intended) boy in the face.  Although he had weathered far mightier blows, Kurai had not expected the ridiculously garbed man to be such a threat.  

            Kurai cried out, "ENOUGH!"  A shockwave knocked Green Arrow backwards as Kurai called upon his incredible energy stores.  

            And that was when Gauntlet clobbered him from behind with a conveniently placed folding chair.  In his enraged state, Kurai scarcely noticed the attack.  

            Kurai trembled with his scarcely controlled rage.  "And now, you of the silly green suit, I am going to KILL you."  

            Suddenly, a voice crackled to life in Kurai's ear.  "Explain yourself, Kurai."

            Kurai paused for a brief moment, catching an arrow in mid flight and snapping it in half like a matchstick.  "What is the problem, Slade?"

            Kurai dodged around an attack from Gauntlet as Slade harangued him.  "You have deviated from the plan!  You were supposed to entice the Titans into following you to the site.  And now they look half dead!!"

            A hard punch to the face silenced a still weakened Gauntlet as he was sent flying into a recovering Starfire.  Both were knocked out, sprawled together in such a way that would probably raise some questions when the Titans regained consciousness.  "Is not the death of the Titans and their allies your eventual goal?"  

            Slade snapped, "Yes!  An eventual goal!  As in, NOT TODAY!!  We're going to have to change gears."  Kurai sent a flash of red energy into Green Arrow's gut, sending Queen sprawling on the ground with the rest.  "I want you to wake one of them up and deliver a message.  It will take them at least a week to recover from the beating you gave them, even given Raven's healing talents.  In one week, they will meet us at the site.  Be sure to be specific as to the location.  Can you follow THAT plan?"  

            Kurai snarled, "Hai, Slade."  He strode over to a moaning Robin a brought him up by the scruff of his neck.  "Wake up!"  

            Robin managed to force one eye open.  "I… uh… you… won't win…"  

            Kurai laughed.  "Spare the clichés for one whom you can beat.  Now listen carefully.  My master and I shall meet you in the mountains, near the summoning place of the demon Fire in exactly one week.  If you are late, I shall vaporize a sizable chunk of your city.  And then I shall get nasty.  Do you understand!?"  

            Robin grit his teeth.  "We'll be there…"

            Kurai smirked.  "Oh, and I'm told that the paramedics will be here in a moment to assist you.  Enjoy!"  With that, Kurai disappeared in to the shadows, and Robin slipped into painful oblivion once again as he was roughly dropped.  

            *****************

            The next day, in the Titans' living room…

            Beast Boy moaned.  Most of his body was covered in bandages, save for his eyes and right arm.  "Hey Raven, you feeling good enough to heal us yet?"

            Raven was reading a book, holding an icepack on her head.  "For the last time, NO!"  She winced at increased headache that yelling brought about.  "I take on the pain of those I heal, and I won't be over my OWN injuries for a few days.  Just learn to deal."

            Green Arrow's right arm was in a sling, as he had sprained his wrist trying to catch himself from a fall.  "Well, let me know as soon as you are ready.  I feel helpless without the use of my arm."  He sipped a cup of coffee brought to him via a Shimmer strand.  "Thanks, uh, Savior, was it?"  

            Savior nodded.  He was forced to elevate his own sprained ankle and sported several large cuts on his torso, although these were well bandaged.  "Yeah.  I'm a little curious as to what a big name superhero such as yourself is doing slumming with us."

            Green Arrow laughed.  "Big name?  Ask five out of ten people who I am, and they'll say, "I always thought his name was Green Lantern."  I'm Justice League sometimes, but I'm not one of the big names.  And don't sell yourself short, Savior.  You guys got more good press than I have in my whole career after you and Superboy's group managed to take down that Lord of the Night guy.  As for why I'm here… well, I was waiting to catch a train to Gotham when I saw the explosions.  I figured I'd lend a hand.  Of course, I missed the train about ten hours ago, but I think the man I was meeting will understand.  Of course, we were meeting for reasons that I cannot reveal on secret identity grounds.  I hope you'll understand."

            Robert, looking no worse for wear, but moving like he was seventy years old, sat down across from Green Arrow.  "I've actually never seen the need for secret identities, but I suppose if you were a big man like, say, Oliver Queen, owner of a major corporation, I might understand."

            Queen spat as this caught him off guard.  "Wh-what!?"

            Savior glared at his unwanted teammate.  "You idiot!  Even if you were right, you can't just say that kind of stuff out loud!  What makes you think that, anyway!?"

            Robert shrugged.  "Oh, a year or so ago, I tried to figure out the secret identities of some of the major superheroes.  Just for fun, you know.  Either that or take up stamp collecting.  Anywho, to make a long story short, your mask hides nothing, Mr. Queen.  Also, you're the only major superhero in your city AND you're about the only person who would be able to fund a guy like Green Arrow in your city.  Putting two and two together is pretty simple."  

            Oliver smirked.  "You're clever, boy.  Let's keep that one under our hats, shall we?"  Robert nodded.  Green Arrow set down his mug and started brushing off the coffee he had spilt on himself.  "I suppose you've figured out who Superman is?"

            Robert replied, "Now that one was tough.  But, I hit paydirt when I realized that Superman and Bruce Wayne have never been photographed together before."  

            Green Arrow sat there in stunned silence for several moments.  "You are a very interesting person, Robert."  _A little nuts__, but interesting.  _

Gar moaned again.  "Argh!  Everything that doesn't hurt itches!  I can't even shapeshift without ruining the bandages!"

            Savior snapped, "At least you can walk.  I'd go crazy if I couldn't use my powers to do stuff." 

            Robin hobbled in on his set of crutches.  Starfire followed shortly after on her own set.  They took places on the last available couch.  Robin began the impromptu meeting.  "All right, first thing's first.  Green Arrow, thanks for the hand.  Any time you want to head back home, you're free."

            Oliver laughed.  "Hah!  Like I'd let that little bastard get off without a good fight!  I'm in for the long haul."  

            Robin grinned.  "Glad to have you.  With Thunder and Lightning wanting to give a hand too, the odds are starting to look pretty sweet."

            Raven adjusted her icepack some more.  "So, where are those two anyway?"

            Starfire replied, "They wanted to pick up a few things from their home."  

            Robin continued.  "Next order of business.  Robert, I overheard you say that you know Kurai.  He's about as strong as Superboy or Etrigan, so any insight you can give us would be good."  

            Robert thought.  "I haven't really seen him since I was a little kid… he's always been really strong, but his little sister is stronger."  

            Oliver piped in.  "So what, they're a family of metas?"

            Robert shook his head.  "No, I remember that much.  They practice a rare martial arts form, the _bachi__ no kami_.  It takes advantage of their life energy to make 'em super, or something like that.  I seem to recall that their father wasn't that strong.  Or else I just never saw him use the power.  Kurai's a real jerk, and pretty egotistical.  Of course, he's strong enough that it's all deserved.  Beyond that… I don't remember much."

            Savior snapped, "Try harder, man!  Anything could be useful!"  

            Robert glared at his teammate.  "Hey, I'd like to see YOU remember a guy you met when you were four.  Lay off!"  He thought for a few moments.  "I don't remember him having those bandages before; they're new."

            Beast Boy's eyes bugged out.  "Dear God!  He's that strong when he's HURT!?"

            Robin added, "I don't think so.  He didn't move like he was hurt.  Probably just a fashion statement or some Japanese thing we don't get."

            At that point, Cyborg walked in, looking as chipper as ever after an overdue tune up.  "Hey guys, I'm ready and rarin'!  What's the plan?"  

            "We were just talking about that," Robin said.  "It's going to take some effort to integrate the new guys into the team, but we can't train until we've healed up a bit."

            Savior spoke up.  "I'd suggest we divide the team.  Thunder and Lightning healed up pretty fast, Cyborg's at 100% and Gauntlet should be OK in a day or so.  We add Green arrow to that group, call it Team B and get them training before the rest of us.  The rest of us are still good at working together, so we just can help supervise them."  

            Robin queried, "Would it really be a good idea to split our forces?"

            Savior explained, "We wouldn't be splitting the forces, just making your job easier.  We don't have enough time to get you used to juggling ten team members at once, and that Kurai guy is strong enough that we don't need anything interrupting our flow."

            "And here I thought you just didn't want Gauntlet on your team."

            "Hey, no reason not to mix business and pleasure."  Savior took a sip from a soda he had snatched for himself, ignoring the daggers that Robert was glaring at him.  "I vote we make Green Arrow head of Team B.  He has the most experience, and except Cyborg we don't have any real Titans on there, so they're going to need to get with the program fast."  

            Robert got up shakily.  "I don't have to put up with this!  I'm leaving!"  Summoning his diminished energy reserves, he slowly walked from the room.  Even with his weakness, he trembled with rage from the insult.

            "That was uncalled for.  You just got another week sans privileges."  Raven floated from the room, as walking tended to cause unpleasant jarring.  

            Savior cursed as Oliver chuckled.  "Reminds me of my own relationship with Black Canary."  

            Beast Boy perked up.  "Wait… you've been with Black Canary!?"  

            Oliver grinned.  "You might say that."

            Beast Boy prostrated himself before Green Arrow.  "You… are… a GOD!  Teach me your ways, oh wise one!"

            Green Arrow laughed.  "Can't let you get all of my secrets, boy.  Of course, I'll tell you this much.  Candy and flowers?  Never works more than once, and even then odds are you'll fail.  Instead, you… hey, shouldn't you be taking notes?"  Gar scrambled and began scribbling furiously.  

            Cyborg put a hand on Savior's shoulder.  "Lay off, man.  He's a good guy.  I don't know what your problem is, but it's really messin' up our team, ya know?"  

            Oliver interrupted his teaching in the proper method of letting them down softly to pipe in, "That reminds me of my relationship with Hawkman… and no, it wasn't the same kind as with Black Canary.  Our inability respect the other's qualities nearly killed us a dozen times.  You can dislike him, but keep it close to your chest, okay?"  

            Savior snapped, "You all act like I'M the one that's provoking this."  

            Cyborg's chest popped open and a disk popped out, which he put into the TV.  "I've been waiting for WEEKS to use this.  Say hello to Cyber-Cam.  Everything I see, you see.  I've edited together a few clips that I think will settle that question."

            Everyone watched closely as the film began running.  

            Starfire appeared on screen, holding up a Sailor Moon doll.  "Oh no, Sailor Venus!  The evil Negaverse is attacking!"

            A little Sailor Venus doll, held in what was obviously Cyborg's metal hand, responded in a falsetto, "Believe in yourself, Sailor Moon!  We can beat 'em!" 

            Cyborg coughed into his hand.  "Ahem.  Let's… skip a bit…"

            Starfire said, "Oh, now I see!  You did not want the others to know because you wanted to save it for your home movies!  It makes sense now."

            Cyborg smacked his forehead.  "Do her one favor… rassn frassn… ah, here we are.  Enjoy!"  

            ****************

            Robert walked on camera to greet Noel as he walked towards the door.  "Hey, Noel!  Where ya headed?"  

            Noel rolled his eyes.  "I'm going out on patrol.  You know, like REAL heroes do."

            Robert nodded.  "Ah, yeah, I should do that today.  Mind if I tag along?"

            Noel walked into the elevator, but not without making a parting shot.  "Sorry, you must have an IQ greater than room temperature to join."  

            ****************

            Cyborg hit the pause button.  "Now, see, that was the only one that didn't require five minutes of background to understand it.  For some reason, you guys aren't very entertaining most of the time, so I'll just show you the gems that spout from our buddy Noel's mouth."

            ****************

            "Oh, I'm sorry, but I can't hear the frequency that idiots speak at."

            ****************

            "I don't make monkeys, I train 'em."  

            ****************

            "Well, I thought it was a good idea, until YOU had it."

            ****************

            Savior stood up in the meeting hall.  "ENOUGH!"  The Shimmer lashed out, turning off the television.  He stomped over to Victor, looking him in the eye as best he could.  "What, you've been planning on HUMILIATING me for weeks!?  You're the one who's working against team unity!"  

            Victor replied, "Hey, your words, not mine.  I know you two aren't the most compatible, but you've just been an asshole the whole time he's been here!  And for your information, I was ready to delete that file but you just had to keep pushing it!"  

            Robin slammed a crutch into the coffee table, commanding everyone's attention.  "Cut that out!  We are a team first and foremost.  Noel, shape up!  Victor, learn some tact!  This meeting is now OVER!  We don't need anything else!  We have a big fight in a week, and we are NOT blowing it because YOU DON'T LIKE THE NEW GUY!"

            Noel stomped out of the room in a huff.  Or at least, he tried to.  Forgetting his injury, he cried out in pain as his injured ankle said, "No way, José!"  He muttered under his breathe and used the Shimmer to snatch Starfire's crutches.

            "Ahem.  Friend Noel, I do not mean to be rude, but those are MY crutches."

            Noel levered himself up and began making his way out of the room.  "You can fly.  You don't need them."

            Starfire blushed.  "I had forgotten."

            Green Arrow scratched his head.  "This makes some of the Hawkman stories I had ready seem anticlimactic."  

            ****************

            Later, in the computer room…

            Batman's face, enlarged to gigantic proportions by the large screen, looked down upon his protégé.  "Hmmm… from the sounds of it, you're in a classic flashpoint situation."  

            Robin raised an eyebrow.  "Flashpoint?"  

            "Also known as cabin fever, but flashpoint illustrates it better.  A closed system put under pressure will eventually reach a point where heat is required to light a fire instead of a spark.  I'd imagine that on some level, you all had some pressure from the Trigon and the Lord of the Night, especially Noel.  Combine that with the new member brought in against all your wills and that's enough heat to start a bonfire."  

            Robin nodded.  "I get what you're saying, but that doesn't help me much.  Have you ever had to deal with anything like that in the JLA?"  

            "Pretty recently, actually.  Gorilla Grod used his telepathy to keep us all in a perpetual bad mood and came as close as anyone has yet to finishing us off because of it.  We all said some hurtful things, and we meant every word.  Flash tried to pin it on Grod, but we all knew better.  We apologized and lived with it."  

            Robin broke the awkward silence.  "So, it's all a matter of forcing an apology?"

            Batman shook his head.  "A forced apology fixes nothing.  You just have to create an environment where that kind of thing can happen.  You have an advantage with the Titans, since you have a more fixed command structure.  You can do more to make that environment than I could."  

            "But why are those two always bashing heads?"  

            Batman tapped a few keys at his end.  "Noel is an incredibly serious young man.  I only met him twice face to face, but I read that immediately.  This Gauntlet, though… well, I think this says it all."  Batman's face was replaced on the screen with a headline from the Jump City Herald.

            "Titan Wins Belching Contest."  

            Robin stroked his chin.  "I missed that one.  That explains where all the soda went that day."  

            Batman gave Robin a very fleeting grin.  "I look forward to meeting him, just so I can finally get him pegged.  I have to go now, Tim.  It was good speaking with you again."

            "Same with you Bruce."  Suddenly, something that Gauntlet had said crossed his mind.  "Oh, this might be nothing, but have you ever heard of a martial arts style called the _bachi__ no kami_?" 

            Batman started at the mention.  "What?  Where did you hear about that?"

            "Robert thinks that's what makes this Kurai guy so strong.  What do you know about it?"

            "During my time in Japan, I met a man named Tomoe Akira, who claimed to be the master of the school.  He told me that he dared not teach these techniques to any man, as they had been officially banned nearly a century before.  _Bachi__ no Kami _translates roughly to Punishment of the Gods.  Tomoe told me that it enhanced the skills of the user to great heights, but it came with hidden costs.  He did not tell me what they were.  Be careful regardless; any man who has mastered that technique will be nigh unbeatable."

            Robin said sardonically, "Yeah, and I have the bum leg to prove it.  I don't know how we'll ever be ready in time."

            Batman looked at something off screen.  "I'm sure you will do fine.  But now I really have to go.  Goodbye."

            "Bye, Bruce."  As Batman winked out of existence, Robin slumped in his chair.  "Yeesh.  You'd think that after beating the Lord and Trigon, taking on some punk with a funny name would be easy."

            End Part 6

            Notes: Why Green Arrow?  Well, after reading the collections of Kevin Smith's run on the series, I figured he was a cool enough character that he deserved some "screen time."  Besides, I have to continue Legend Maker's tradition of having crossovers at random intervals, and this seemed as random a time as any.  

            Also, as with Black and White, this uses an odd combo of DC comics and Cartoon Network's continuity.  I do put preference on the Cartoon continuity, but where the DC stuff is just plain cooler it takes precedence.  


	7. The Epic of Gauntlet Part 7

The Epic of Gauntlet

Part 7

"Sibling Quibbling Down-Fling"

By BobCat

Disclaimer: Kurai and Gauntlet are mine, the overall plot points of the fic have their basis in my own continuity.  Everything else is the property of DC comics.

Note: It is very hard to rhyme things ending in "ling" without mentioning "bling bling." 

'Nother note: Spot the Dilbert reference.   

*********************

            Excerpt from the Diary of Robert Candide…

            _Dear Diary,_

_            I fear that I shall soon be discovered.  Since recovering from my wounds, the evil people about me have wanted me to work far harder than I ever wanted to.  Now I hide in the floor boards, living off of the naiveté of Starfire and the general lack of security about this place.  Soon, I shall be forced to leave my place of hiding to find food again, and I am afraid that this time I shall be found out.  Yet, I know that despite everything that has happened, that people are basically good._

            Noel slammed Robert's door.  "When Robin said we started work at 7 AM, he didn't mean 7:30!  Now MOVE!"

            Robert replied, "You may take my life, good sir, but you'll see!  My writings will live on!"  

            Savior groaned.  "Not the Anne Frank bit again.  It was almost clever the first day, but after that, things went downhill…"  

            Robert shrugged.  "You know and I know that all this training means nothing, really.  This isn't Dragon Ball or something.  Humans just don't get significantly stronger that fast."  

            Savior followed him as he left the room.  "I'll grant you that, but that isn't the point.  We need to learn to operate as a unit."  

            "But we have one day left, and success has been… elusive."  

            *****************

            The day before…

            The ragtag group of Titans, save for Robin, was in a gigantic heap, covered in cuts and bruises from their repeated crashes.  

            Robin, wearing a grey sweatsuit and a baseball hat (but he still had his mask on) blew into a whistle.  "Thunder, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times!  When we go through maneuver nine beta, you go to MY left, not YOUR left!"

            Raven managed to squeeze her way out of the dogpile.  "I thought that was maneuver two alpha…"  

            Beast Boy wheezed, "I heard twenty gamma… or was that delta?"

            Robin suddenly wished he was old enough to have a drinking problem.  

            *****************

            "And let's not forget those trust builders…"   Robert commented.

            *****************

            "Savior, for the last time, you're supposed to CATCH Robert.  NOT shove him over that cliff."  

            Noel retorted, "What, it's only ten feet!"

            At the bottom of the cliff, a decidedly beaten Robert moaned, "But Skipper, I don't wanna feed the chainsaw weasel prunes…"

            *****************

            Savior nodded, chuckling at the memory.  "Yes, which is why Robin and Green Arrow decided to try something new."

            It was Robert's turn to groan.  "And this new thing would be?"  

            "We get the day off."  

            Robert nodded.  "Oh yeah, like Sun Tzu said… WHAT!?"  

            "Like I said.  We get the day off.  We got paired off at random and we have to spend the day with our partner.  Robin and I figured that if we couldn't get official maneuvers down, it never hurts to get to know your allies.  We drew names out of a hat."  As Savior explained the situation, his expression grew darker and darker.  

            Robert's perked up as the idea became clear to him.  "Cool!  So, we get to goof off?  Nothing better when going into a life and death situation!  So, who'd I get assigned to?"  

            Savior sighed the deepest, most forlorn sigh that Robert had heard in his short life.  The hero known as Gauntlet figured it out immediately.  "Aw crap."  

            Savior smirked.  "Man, you're easy to manipulate.  No, you got Starfire."

            Robert pumped his arm excitedly.  "YES!"  _ANYONE would have been better than Captain Wet Blanket.  Someone as fun as Starfire is ever better!  But I wonder… _"So, who'd you get?"

            "Green Arrow.  He's no Batman, but he's still someone I can admire.  I look forward to getting to know him."  Robert chuckled.  Savior fixed him with a glare and queried, "What's so funny?"

            "Oh, nothing.  Nothing."  _Just that he's a skirt chasing liberal and you're a straight lace conservative.  I smell sitcom!  Too bad I can't watch.  "So, what plans to you guys have set up?"_

            "Oh, when he found out I was eighteen, he said that he'd take me to a club.  I assume he means some country club he belongs to.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have places to be."  He went for the main elevator quickly, wishing to make his encounter with Robert as short as possible.

            Noel didn't hear Robert's helpless laughter the moment the elevator's doors closed.  

            "What is so amusing, Robert?"  Starfire was dressed the same as usual, but there was something different about her… 

Robert finally realized what the difference was: she looked human.  She was wearing one of the holopins that S.T.A.R labs had developed for just such an occasion.  Her skin was no longer its orange tone, instead mimicking most of the Caucasian Titans.  

Robert gulped slightly as his tongue swelled.  He was man enough to admit that he liked Starfire, but he respected Robin too much to try to break up that pairing.

He briefly wondered why he couldn't have had an infatuation with Raven instead.  He would have enjoyed the prospect of wooing away Savior's girlfriend, but there was nothing when he looked at her.  _Ah well.  I guess the fact that I keep dealphabetizing his CD collection is revenge enough for now._

Back to the subject of his current discomfort; he could normally summon the "Robin's my friend" argument as defense against his urges.  When that failed, he could pull up the second line of defense, "she's an alien."  Although he didn't look down on her in any way, that seemed to put a damper on his hormones.

Now, however… both defenses failed him, since his Id refused to acknowledge that this desirable young thing before him was the alien who was his friend's girlfriend.  

Starfire cocked her head to the side.  "Is there a problem?"  

Robert managed, "I see you're going human today."

"Tim said that the purpose of the exercise was to get to know each other better.  If we wish to go in public, we do not want people thinking we are anything more than ordinary people."

"That makes sense, I guess."  

Starfire perked up.  "So, how do you want to get to know each other?"

Robert's mind reeled.  _Movie?_  Date.  Go to park?  Date.  Watch TV at the Tower?  Kinda a date.  Museum?  Nerdy, but still a date.  Damn this culture that can't imagine inter-gender platonic relationships!  _In the end, the only proper response was, "Er…"  He began to pray fervently, albeit silently.  __Oh Lord, thy humble servant begs of thee: send unto me an interruption.  I do not wish to face the temptation of my friend's luscious girlfriend.  Any interruption at all would suffice, oh glorious one.  _

Nothing came.  

_Oh sure, when you WANT a minute off, oh, look, it's an alien invasion.  But when you NEED an awkward moment interrupted, I guess I'm on my own.  Lousy God and his sense of humor…_

Starfire piped up.  "Robert, you have been very quiet.  Why do you act so strangely?"  She had a pretty good idea, but figured that it would be better if he admitted it to himself. 

Robert blushed so hard that he felt like his face was about to combust.  "So… urm… I... think we need to talk."  

            "Agreed.  Would you be more comfortable if I assumed my natural form?"

            For the first time all morning, Robert knew exactly what to say.  "YES."

            ****************

            Ah, psychology.  Simultaneously a noble pursuit and a waste of time, it seeks to uniformly categorize the vastly different psyches of the human race.

            Most of the time, at least.  

            In this instance, Doctor Henry Schwartzman had analyzed a very unique subject.  He was a man of forty who could have passed for thirty had his hair not gone snow white.  Of middling height, middling weight and in just about every way average, he found that patients tended to forget he was there.  This was ideal, as the focus of the interview was supposed to be on the patient.  In one of the more surprising breakthroughs in metahuman psychology, he had managed to coax a few sentences out of the hit man Onomatopoeia beyond simple sound effects.  (Of course, that had been to tell the good doctor to fornicate himself, but still.)  And that was why he had been selected for this assignment; never before had any serious attempt been made to rehabilitate an alien being, so they needed a miracle worker.

His patient had been brought in a few weeks before the Final Night.  Komand'r of Tamaran, better known as Blackfire, had been the subject of his study once she had recovered from the injuries inflicted by Asphyxiation.

On an unrelated tangent, Asphyxiation, aka Jack Djinn, had also been offered psychological counseling while staying at Arkham.  Since his powers had disappeared after losing his hands, it had been deemed unnecessary to house him at a more advanced facility.  During his first session, he had snapped at the mention of his mother and killed the psychologist.  A pair of guards were finally able to restrain him, but one guard's finger was still unaccounted for.  Schwartzman still shuddered at the thought.  He was DAMNED lucky that Blackfire had started out civilized before her fall.

He tried to remain focused on the main objective, helping her through the myriad of issues that plagued her.  It was interesting to note the basic differences between human and Tamaranian psychology.  According to what Robin had told him before his first session, Tamaranians tended to be more open with emotions, regardless of their nature and the consequences.  

Yet, for various reasons, Blackfire had managed to become "human," in a sense.  Emotions were repressed, lies told and her actions were far more devious than was the norm for her race.  She still fumbled with certain aspects of secrecy, as little in her upbringing prepared her for such actions.  She had evidently learned these behaviors while traveling the cosmos in search of fun.  

So, secrecy and repression had been grafted onto her personality, bringing about certain mental instabilities in and of itself.  These were compounded by her experiences in the hellhole of a prison known as _Fythrog__ Thgrogdar.  She had revealed to him that the name was roughly equivalent to "the place where demons pray for the death that will not come."  From her descriptions, the name fit._

Henry had been more than a little disappointed when he learned that high technology did not mean evolved justice systems.  Apparently, despite the minor nature of her crimes, they had expended enough energy in their chase across the Milky Way to want her to suffer for it.  

All of this meant that his usual methods were somewhat incompatible with Blackfire.  When working with a human, one usually had to guide the patient into retrieving repressed emotions, let them release this built up pressure and then help them integrate it into their personalities.  

In Blackfire's case, she was already wearing her innermost feelings on her sleeve but trying not to.  He knew that he had to force her to make peace with what had happened, get her to acknowledge that the Titans were at no particular fault in the matter and help her realize that her own recklessness brought the bad results, deserved or otherwise.  In a case as severe as hers, he probably would have prescribed some anti-depressants, but he didn't dare until and unless he learned how Tamaranian brain chemistry worked.  

Henry wondered if this was how Sigmund Freud had felt when he had started the field of modern psychology.  It was horribly overwhelming to work without any previous knowledge to guide him.  

Thus, he opted to listen.  He was unsure how to guide the sessions, so that was the best course of action.  He became a sympathetic ear for an hour every day, doing little more than take notes, offer empathy and a bit of positive reinforcement.  Great progress had been made, as near as he could measure and he deemed her ready to be released.  

It had taken a week for the paperwork to clear for her return to society.  There had been much debate as to whether or not she could be trusted, but Doctor Schwartzman had argued her case eloquently and persevered in the end.

And now, free at last, Blackfire stood at the base of the Tower itself.  She held a black package the size of a shoebox under her arm.  She patted the box affectionately, chuckling.  _Boy, will Kori be surprised.  _She laughed harder, knowing that the Doctor would never approve her plan.  _I recall his last words to me.  "Get closure.  Confront your sister and settle your differences."  I'm going to get closure, all right.  But definitely not the way he intended.  _A wicked grin split her face as she went up the elevator.  

********************

"Hey, was that ominous thunder on a clear day?"

"Quit trying to dodge the subject, Robert."  The two were sitting across from each other in the living room.  Although the talk had been his idea, he was reluctant to speak up.  "I need to know now.  How do you feel?"  

Robert replied, "Man, what is it about this room and negative conversations?  It seems like every time I'm here, something like this is going on."  

Starfire slammed her fist into the table.  "Robert!  The question!"  

He sighed deeply.  _Gotta__ put this right.__  "Starfire… Kori… you are a very attractive person in many ways.  You're fun and pretty, and Robin is very lucky."_

Kori was silent for several moments.  "But how do you feel?  I need to know.  Why did you kiss me when we fought?  Why are you so uncomfortable around me?  I do not want unsaid feelings to hurt the team."  

"Oh, this is too rich.  You try to kill me over that scrawny little Robin, and here you are having an affair off to the side."  

The two of them started at the voice.  Robert was merely surprised by the strangeness of the voice, while Starfire openly bristled.  Starfire floated up quickly, green energy crackling about her.  "YOU!  What are you doing here?!"

Placing her package on the ground, Blackfire walked over, grabbing Robert under the chin, oblivious the danger she was in.  "Not bad looking, but definitely a lower caliber than Tim."  

Robert blinked.  "Hey!"  

Starfire snapped, "I am getting tired of you all ignoring my questions!"  

Blackfire released an indignant Robert.  Her arrogant manner faded away as she bent over and picked up the box.  She handed it to her sister.  "I was out today, so I thought I'd surprise you with a visit."  

Robert had no idea what was going on, but shifted his Gauntlet to battle mode just to be on the safe side.  _I'm seeing double, to use that cliché.  Better not make a move until I know the situation, just to be safe.  _

"You are supposed to be getting help!  You should not be here!"  Starfire accepted the box, but eyed it with some suspicion.  

"I got help.  They let me out for good.  Doctor Schwartzman said that if I'm ever going to move on, I need to confront you.  So, I'm invoking the rite of _Turallum_ Nepton Somperam._"_

Starfire inhaled sharply.  She opened the box and pulled out a strange, blue catlike bean-filled animal.  "What is this?"  

"There are hardly any _Hramtl__ on Earth, so I found the closest equivalent."  _

Robert's confusion grew and grew.  "So… _Turallum_… is that Latin or something?"  

Starfire ignored Robert for a moment.  "I… was not expecting this.  Can I trust you to hold true to your word?"  

Blackfire looked a little uncomfortable.  After a long moment of avoiding her sister's eyes, she said, "Yes.  Yes I can.  I am angry.  I cannot deny that.  But even at my worst, I would not invoke this rite as trickery."

"Very well.  As the challenged, I have the right to choose where and when the ritual shall take place.  We shall meet at the site of our last battle in an hour.  I also select Robert as my witness, as nobody else is about."  Even after the Final Night and the massive bout of reconstruction throughout the city, the apartment complex in which the sisters had fought was still unoccupied, if somewhat more level.  

Robert piped up again.  "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?"  

Blackfire turned about, ignoring Robert's consternation.  "Agreed.  I hope you have the _Psangan__ na Turallum memorized."  _

Starfire nodded grimly.  "Of course.  _Almandeh__._"

"_Almandeh__, Kori."  With that, Blackfire left.  The doors were closed only a moment before they were opened again.  "Oh, not to ruin the formality of the situation, but you might want to look into upgrading your security.  It lets in anyone with a handprint."  With that, Blackfire left… again.  _

Robert was swiftly developing a headache.  _At least that's ONE question answered.  "Uh, Kori… what just happened?"  _

Kori held the beany in her hand.  "_Turallum__ Nepton Somperam is an ancient ritual of my homeworld."_

"I had gathered that much."  Robert stood up, inspecting the box for any surprises.  None were to be found.  "The box isn't booby trapped.  I think she's on the level, whoever she is."  

Kori paused.  _Where to begin?  _"It is long and complicated.  I asked for an hour so I could explain the nature of your duties.  But first, that is my sister, Komand'r.  She is, as you humans would say, the black cow of the family."  

Robert stifled his snicker at the misanthrope, opting to remain serious.  

She continued.  "Before I tell you what _Turallum__ Nepton Somperam is, I'll tell you of the Titans' history with Komand'r."  And thus she did.  However, as you, the kind and gentle reader, are already aware of these encounters, you shall be spared repetition.  Instead, let us see what Beast Boy is up to._

*******************

In an arcade downtown, Beast Boy plunked two more quarters into DC vrs. Capcom.  "I still don't see how Superman keeps losing.  He should be MORE than able to beat Ryu's ass!"

Victor replied, "It's all the skill, bro."  He selected himself as a character, wondering what the whole "DC" thing meant.  "I _still can't believe we got assigned to each other.  I mean, I already know you as well as I'm going to.  No offense."_

"None taken.  I'm more surprised we drew each other twice."  

"I guess we're just stuck together."  Noticing what was happening on screen, Victor snapped, "Hey, no button mashing!"

"I'm not mashing, I'm just that fast."

"Whatever, Gar!" 

*******************

"Yeesh, she tried to kill Robin?  I don't see how you two can be sisters!"

Starfire sighed.  "It is my fault and not my fault.  My parents decided to make me the crown princess of Tamaran, even though she is older.  They thought her too cruel and irresponsible for the position.  She has always been jealous, but her experiences in the _Fythrog__ Thgrogdar made jealousy into rage."_

Robert shuddered.  "We're so alike, but we ended up in such different situations… 'there but for the grace of God go I,' as we humans say.  So, what's _Trollop Neptune Saturnalia_?"  

"It is pronounced _Turallum__ Nepton Somperam," she corrected.__  "It is ancient Tamaranian, meaning 'forgiveness through battle.'  Tamaranians have always lived in clans, or houses.  In that kind of system it's impossible to avoid blood feuds.  Thousands died to appease the honor of warriors and houses.  Then we were attacked from another planet in our star system, and my ancestor, Poand'r organized the clans to fight them, becoming the giver of law and the first king of Tamaran.  We had numbers and warrior skill, they had technology.  We had to work together to win."_

Robert nodded.  "Sounds like Scotland on Earth.  Makes sense.  So, what's with Tro… tru… this ritual?"  

"Tamaranians are very open about their emotions.  If we love, we love with all our hearts.  The same goes for hate.  They knew the dangers all around them, but they could not stop fighting to save themselves.  So, Poand'r established ritualized combat.  First the challenger gives the challenged a _Hramtl_, _a tasty kind of game animal that is hard to catch, to show their good intentions.  Then they fight until one or the other is knocked out, instead of to the death.  The warriors agree to fight only once to regain their honor, with the winner being acknowledged as the superior warrior.  Due to this ritual, the clans were able to band together and kick the aliens from our planet.  Since those days, blood feuds have become less common, so _Turallum___ Nepton Somperam is rarely invoked.  What Blackfire and I have is most definitely a blood feud, as much as it pains me."_

"And that… _Psangan__ na Turallum, was it?"  Robert was glad that he finally understood.  He was also glad that he had been spared having to talk about his feelings, but he wasn't about to get into that._

"It's a ritualized speech given by both fighters before the battle.  All children are taught it.  Part of the ritual requires that there be one witness, to be selected by the challenged.  That is you, if you will agree to it."

"Sure, no problem.  Glad to help."  Something occurred to him.  "What do I do?"

"You watch the fight so that someone impartial can relate the result if asked.  Let us go."  She floated up and grabbed Robert by the arms and flew through an open window.

            After a few moments of flight she said, "And now that I have you captive, how do you feel about me, really?  Remember that I can drop you any time."

            Robert tried to turn around and fix her with a glare.  "That was a dirty trick!"  

            "I take after my sister more than I realize.  Your answer?"

            Robert sighed.  "Okay, fine, I like you.  Happy?"

            "And you didn't want to say anything because you were afraid Robin would be mad?"

            Robert nodded enthusiastically.  "Exactly!"  

            Starfire burst into laughter.  "That is all I wanted to hear.  I like you too, Robert, but a different way.  Can we be friends still?"

            "Yes, fine, we already were I thought."  Robert muttered, "And I thought Earth females were hard to understand."

End Part 7

Misdirection is fun, isn't it?  I bet you all expected it to be a Savior/Gauntlet moment that would repair their relationship.

Hah!

Their bickering is going to provide me with material for a good while yet.  

As to allegations that I'm making Savior look like an asshole: I'm sorry, people, but he kinda is.  In Black and White, he was interacting mainly with people that he had reason to be nice to.  Gauntlet does not go under that heading.    


	8. The Epic of Gauntlet Part 8

 The Epic of Gauntlet

Part 8

"Sins of the Father… And Mother… and just about everyone else, now that I think about it…"

By BobCat

Disclaimer: Let it never be said that I take credit for the work of others.  Bob Kane, Marv Wolfman and many others have created fine characters that are used to this day.  Gauntlet and his associated Rouges Gallery are not some of them.  NO USE WITHOUT PERMISSION.

************************

            For nearly a square block, every building was condemned.  Fused metal and scorched brick showed that the scars from the last battle of Blackfire and Starfire.  

            When Starfire and Robert had arrived, they had decided quickly that it would be best to clear out a section of the debris into a vague circle, roughly 10 meters in radius.  Robert had shown odd initiative, volunteering to do all of the work, claiming that Starfire needed all of her energy for the battle.  She suspected it was an unconscious attempt to curry her favor, but decided to go along with it.

            At this point, Blackfire was ten minutes late and Starfire was growing more and more concerned, pacing back and forth.  Robert was, as usual, far more laid back, reading a newspaper he had purchased in a more intact section of the city.  Of course, he was using the Gauntlet to stick to the wall, and he was hanging upside down, but he still looked nonchalant.  

            "Where could she be?!"  Starfire bit her lower lip.  "I would not think that even SHE would be willing to violate of _Turallum__ Nepton Somperam!  What if she was diverting us so she could attack Robin or someone else?"  _

            Robert responded, "The city's changed a lot since the last time she was here.  The Tower was rebuilt, but it doesn't look any different.  Meanwhile, the nearby historical district was flattened by the Lord and has since become a shopping mall.  She's probably lost."  

Starfire blinked.  "How did you know that?  You've only been in town for a few weeks…"

Robert quipped, "I read the newspaper and watch all of the Town Hall meetings on TV.  It's great to learn,"

An anthropomorphic Bill, a pudgy conductor, a man with 6 fingers and toes and a woman wearing a patriotic outfit leapt out and yelled with Gauntlet,  "'Cause knowledge is power!"  Having said their catchphrase, they disappeared to the ethereal ether from which they came.  

Starfire blinked.  "And where did THEY come from?"

"Hell if _I know."  He flipped the page.  "Huh.  Celery causes cancer.  Who knew?"  _

            "Robert!  Be serious for a moment!"  She walked over, pulling down his paper, looking him right in the eye.  "She is capable of great evil, much as I wish it was otherwise.  If she is doing this to get us out of the way, it could be awful!"

            "Well, we can't do much more than wait."  He flipped past a few stories of scandal and random death, heading for the comics.  "If you leave and she shows up, she'll assume you left.  If I leave, you can't do the ritual right anyway, so you'll be back to square one."  He handed her half of the funnies section.  "Here, some light reading ought to help."  

            Starfire read for a few moments before speaking up.  "I read this comic yesterday.  Why does that cat kick that dog over and over again?"

            "Fans of the funny pages have been asking that for years.  The real question is how he stays syndicated."  Robert noticed that Starfire was still nervous, and rightly so.  "Say, here's a thought.  You know guys like the Flash, right?  Call in a favor and ask one of them to sweep the city for her."

            Starfire dropped the paper excitedly, whipping out a small cell phone.  "Good idea!  I will call Impulse."  She quickly typed in a number and put it to her ear.  It rang for several moments, her tension building.  Finally, she heard the speedster's familiar voice.  

            "Hello, Impulse here."

            "Impulse!  This is Starfire!  I am in need of your…"

            "I seem to not be there right now.  Well, since I go faster than light, I'm technically omnipresent, but still, I'm not aware of the call… damn, relativity is confusing.  Anywho, no need to leave a message, I'll be tracing the call in a nanosecond and should be there right about…"

            "Now."  Dressed in his red and white costume, Impulse zipped in behind a very surprised Starfire.  She yelped and leapt, taken utterly by surprise.  

            Robert looked up from his paper.  "Ah, so you're Impulse.  Nice to meet you."  

            Impulse grinned.  "Hey, Starfire.  Long time no see.  What's up?"  He yawned loudly.  "And why did it have to be at the ungodly our of whatever time before noon it is?"

            Starfire clutched her chest for a moment, gasping.  "Thank you for coming so fast, Bart."  

            "Hey, it's hard for me to get anywhere slow.  Who's this guy?"

            Robert rolled his paper under his right arm and flipped down from his perch.  "Name's Gauntlet, but most everyone calls me Robert.  I'm the newest Titan by a court order."

            Bart shook Gauntlet's outstretched hand.  "I'm Impulse, but any Titan can call me Bart."  He looked Gauntlet head to toe.  "Two questions.  One, why isn't Spider-Man suing you?  Two, why don't you have a costume?  I thought it was a union requirement or something."

            Gauntlet counted off on his fingers.  "Well, for the first one, he hardly holds the copyright on wall crawling.  Second, I never saw the need.  You don't have to keep a secret identity if you don't have one."

            Starfire stepped between the two.  "You two may talk later, but I need your help now, Bart.  My sister is missing in the city, and I need her here right now!"

            Bart queried, "And this sister of yours.  She looks like you, right?"

            "Except that her hair is black.  I am so worried!  Can you help me?"

            Bart walked back a few steps, preparing to make run-down of the city.  "Don't worry; I'll be back in a…"

            Robert guessed, "Flash?"

            Bart shrugged.  "I was going to say nanosecond, but hey, close enough."  He went out of focus for a fraction of a second before returning from his scan of the city.  By his side was a _very surprised looking Blackfire._

            Komand'r glanced around.  "I… wha… where… Kori?  How did I get here?"  

            Starfire floated over, taking her position at one side of the lot.  "You're late.  I called for my friend Impulse to guide you here.  Where were you?"

            Blackfire also floated into position.  "This city's layout changed.  I couldn't find my way around from the air, so I took the bus.  The mass transit system leaves much to be desired."

            Gauntlet chuckled.  "Hey, Bart, wanna hang around?  This is gonna be a good one."  

            Bart shrugged.  "Sure.  Young Justice is being boring lately anyhow."  

            Ignoring the additional witness, Komand'r took a deep breathe, calling to memory a ritualized speech as ancient as civilization on Tamaran.  "_Koriand'r__, kham eh midden…"_

Gauntlet interrupted her.  "Um, your ritual witnesses don't speak alien!"  

            "You just ruined MONTHS of preparation, jerk."  Blackfire glared at Gauntlet for a moment, then trained her eyes back to her sister.  "But to satisfy the rules of _Turallum__ Nepton Somperam, we'll say the __Psangan__ na Turallum in English.  Just tell your little friends over there that interrupting again will nullify the rite.  And then, who knows what will happen?"  _

            Starfire winced slightly.  _The threat is obvious.  Even with Bart and Robert here, we couldn't take her down before she did some damage, and she knows it.  "Robert, I will have to ask you to stay silent until the rite is over.  Please?"_

            Robert nodded.  After a moment, he took a pen from his right pocket and started scribbling in the margins of his newspaper.

            Both aliens ignored Gauntlet's actions.  Starfire let out a deep breathe as she summoned up her reserves of courage.  _I've never felt this nervous before.  Every other time we fought, there was always a next time.  But this… this is the final battle.  And if she wins, I must forever acknowledge her as a superior warrior.  And I do not want that to happen... my pride as a warrior will not allow it!_

Gauntlet paused in his scribbling as the two began.  It had a songlike quality, beautiful despite its translation.  Bart was also entranced, his sleep deprived mind finally snapping into full awareness.*  The sisters alternated the speech, with Blackfire beginning.

"Kori of the house of And'r, I come before you now with the weight of my sins upon me. I, Komand'r, do freely admit that I was wrong in my actions, expecting not forgiveness but acceptance."  
  
            "Yes. I, Koriand'r, do hereby state that I recognize your sins against me and against the house of And'r. Let it be said, though, that I too am guilty of sins against you and by extension the house of And'r."   
  
             "We of the house of And'r can then agree that many sins have been committed on both sides of this conflict. To list them here would be to tear open old wounds, and we know the list by heart, making it unnecessary."   
  
              "Yes. What is to be done, Komand'r?"   
  
              "As is stated in the Law of Tamaran, the First Law as dictated by Poand'r, founder of Law and Justice on all Tamaran, we shall now engage in combat over this issue. We shall promise to forgive as well we can and to forget as well we can upon the outcome of this, the final battle between us."   
  
               "For the unity of the House of And'r, what else is to be done? We shall need witnesses to this feud ending conflict to prove that it took place."  
  
               "As the challenged, it is for you to choose witnesses."

  
              "As that is the law of Poand'r, I shall choose two witnesses from those present.  Although this is unusual, Poander's law states that it is legal.  I choose Bart of the house of Allen, and Robert of the house of Candide as my witnesses."

  
              "Let all present know that you have chosen two witnesses. Also as the challenged you have the right to select a place and time of combat.  This venue has already been selected, and is agreeable to all involved."  
   
             "Yes, Kori of the House of And'r. So let us set aside out feuds for the betterment of the house as a whole."   
  


"So let it be done."   
  
"_Almandeh__."  __  
  
_

_"Almandeh."___

With the traditional statement of affirmation exchanged, the two blasted forward, eyes glowing.  When they slammed into each other, any and all nearby windows were shattered by the shockwave.

Gauntlet cursed as the newspaper was blown from his hands.  "Looks like I'll have to play bookie in my head…"  He turned to his fellow witness.  "Hey, Bart, got any cash on you?"  

"Huh?  Why?"  

"Who's your favorite?"

Bart thought.  "I'm going to have to go with Starfire, just 'cause she's won the other two times."

            Gauntlet took out a twenty dollar bill.  "With a track record like that, seven will get you five.  You got twenty-eight bucks?"

            Bart ruffled through his pockets, counting a random assortment of crumpled bills and coins at nearly light speed.  "Hmmm… yeah, yeah I do."  

            Gauntlet smirked, waving the money under Bart's nose.  "So, do we have a bet?"

            Bart shook Robert's hand.  "Deal.  Though I don't know how you could bet against your own teammate…"

            Gauntlet shrugged.  "This is business.  This way, no matter who wins, I come out on top."

            Bart frowned for a fraction of a second, but decided to turn his focus back to the battle.  

            Even as Bart and Robert placed their bet, Starfire and Blackfire were locked arm in arm in a titanic shoving war.  Each tried to gain some leverage on the other, but their efforts were futile; they were too evenly matched.  After nearly a minute of this, Blackfire decided to end the stalemate.  She flew backwards, catching Starfire off guard.  The younger sibling was thrown off balance, and Blackfire took advantage of this, throwing Starfire into the hard concrete.  She followed up immediately with a Blackbolt larger than she was.  

            Starfire recovered quickly and rolled out of the way as the bolt exploded.  Although she avoided the brunt of the blast, she was still blown into the air.  She quickly recovered and fired a few smaller Starbolts at her sister.  Blackfire easily dodged the hastily aimed shots.  "Your aim's even worse than usual, Kori!  Don't make it THAT easy for me!"

            Blackfire's taunts were cut off as Starfire flew in at top speed and kicked her in the gut.  Komand'r was thrown backwards by the impact, bouncing off of the street and into the side of a building.  The brick and mortar barely held, and Blackfire was surprised that her spine was still intact.  

            Gauntlet muttered, "So much for staying in the circle…"

            Starfire summoned another pair of Starbolts.  "Do you surrender?"

            Blackfire laughed.  "Oh, sis, you are just too much.  To quote some earthling, I have not yet begun to…"  She drifted off in mid sentence and then pointed behind Starfire, screaming, "What in X'hal's name is THAT!?"

            Starfire spun around, only realizing the ruse as a pair of Blackbolts slammed into her back.  Before she could recover, Blackfire was making a b-line for her.  "All that pollution around these parts must be killing your brain cells!"

            Starfire took a blow to the face, but managed not to go flying this time.  Blackfire's follow-up right hook was blocked, and Starfire kneed her sister in the gut.  Komand'r reeled backward as Starfire's injuries caught up with her.  They both landed across from each other, Blackfire sinking to her knees.  Starfire stayed standing.

            Bart said, "Hah!  That twenty bucks is as good as mine!"  

            Robert shook his head.  "Not if my Gambler Sense is still working." 

            Silence reigned for several moments.  Bart piped in, "Your what?"

            "Even before I found the Gauntlet, I had a natural talent that allowed me to predict the result of any bet or wager.  It's a mutant skill, if you will."

            "Dude, you are SO making that up."

            "Yeah, so what?  You'd be amazed how many times talking about it works when I'm bluffing in poker."  

            Komand'r rose to her feet, whipping a trickle of blood from her mouth.  "Y-you're just as good as I remember.  Better, maybe."

            Starfire glared at her sister.  "The Final Night saw to that."  

            Blackfire shook her head, scarcely clearing the cobwebs.  Her muscles ached, protesting the movement required even to stand.  _Don't you DARE fall now, Komand'r.  The other times were about revenge.  **This is honor.  **_"I heard about that in prison.  Very impressive."  

            Starfire's hair was blown back as an aura of green energy surrounded her.  "No stalling."  A giant Starbolt traveled between them, Blackfire barely leapt out of the way.  The blast drilled into the side of a nearby building, its wall collapsing before the building exploded in a hail of shrapnel.  

            Impulse used his vibratory powers to allow chunks of brick and mortar to pass through him, even as Gauntlet struggled to raise his energy barrier in time.  Both cried on in surprise as a section of wall larger than they were hit the ground between them.  Surprisingly, both escaped with minimal injuries.  

            Gauntlet panted, "This is getting out of control!"

            "No DUH, Gauntlet.  It's time to break it up!"  Impulse started to run towards the fighters, but Gauntlet managed to grab him by the scruff of his shirt.  "Gak!  What the hell!?"

            "Look, I don't claim to be an expert on this kind of stuff, but Starfire was very clear that if we interfered, the ritual is off.  And if the ritual is off, then the two NEVER make up, and we all get to live in fear of Blackfire impersonating her sister or something.  We just gotta be ready for Blackfire to pull something.  She's losing, and with that track record of hers, I wouldn't be surprised if she cheated."

            As if to punctuate Gauntlet's remark, Blackfire flew out of the rubble, carried by a Starbolt.  She fell to the ground, and the green energy blast flew out of sight.  

            Starfire floated down next to her sister, looking far worse for wear.  "Komand'r, give up.  You gain nothing from continuing this.  You have lost!  I do not wish to harm you further."

            Blackfire rose onto her hands and knees, blood flowing freely from several large wounds.  "Kori… don't you see?  By _living you harm me.  If that loony bin had anything worth learning, it was THAT."  _

            Starfire halted, taken aback by the comment.  "What?  I have not done anything to you!"

            Blackfire barked out a humorless chuckle.  "You know of my deformity.  Even the youngest child on Tamaran can fly; it was not until puberty that I finally managed to get enough skill and strength to manage it.  What mother and father hid from you was how I was tortured for that.  They hired teachers and therapists, trying their hardest to awaken some supposed potential within me.  Had I been born with no feet, they probably would have forced walking upon me."  She stood up, swaying, ready to collapse at any given moment.  "Every quack theory was applied to me.  They tried carrot.  They tried stick.  But NOTHING worked.  Do you know what every last blasted one of them said?"  She spat out each word, the pain she felt from doing so evident.  "Why.  Can't.  You.  Be.  Like.  Your.  Sister.  You were the perfect one, the GOOD one.  They said they passed me over to rule because I was "evil."  "Your sister's dark hair matches her emotions."  ANOTHER DEFORMITY; every other member of the royal family has always had red hair, or blond hair or ANYTHING but black hair!  I had the hair of a commoner, they all said."  She seethed, tears flowing down her cheek.  "Everyone talking about me, pitying me, hating me, trying to "fix" me!  I didn't want to be fixed, but to them I was a defective princess, never just me!  Even YOU would always say that you felt sorry for me!  You thought I couldn't hear, and you didn't care even when I could!"  As she spoke, purple energy built up around her, but Starfire barely noticed.  

            Starfire was hit hard by this realization.  _It… it's true.  I never even saw it that way…_ "I… I am so sorry…"

            That comment broke whatever last bit of restraint that Blackfire had within her.  "**DON'T YOU GET IT!?  I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR DAMN PITY!!!!"  **The purple energy suddenly expanded, enveloping Starfire instantly and throwing both witnesses backwards.  Impulse managed to vibrate through the brick wall that knocked out an unprepared Gauntlet.  The energy flowed out, forming a gigantic dome over the entire area.

            For nearly twenty seconds, the unrelenting attack blasted the ruins surrounding them.  What few structures had remained standing collapsed, sending dust and debris in all directions.  Impulse went into action, pulling an unconscious Gauntlet out of the way of the destruction.  After getting to a safe distance, Impulse, glanced back, as the energy finally dissipated.  He muttered, "Looks like I'm out twenty-eight bucks…" 

End Part 8__

*Yes, he was running at light speed while groggy.  People drive groggy, and he's just that irresponsible.  Just thank God he didn't cause a space time rift or vibrate something wrong, or else we'd ALL be in trouble.  


	9. The Epic of Gauntlet Part 9

Part 9

"The most important part of war is the element is surprise… SURPRISE!!!"

By BobCat       

Disclaimer: It ain't mine, unless it is mine, in which case it isn't ain't mine, unless it ain't not isn't won't never **_brzzt_****_ Kernel Error in Frontal Lobe 1039ui4109842 brrzt _kzzzzzzzzzzzzzt **

Oh, quick thing.  I must note that my plotline for the Kurai/Slade dynamic is INCREDIBLY similar to the Terra/Slade dynamic from the TV show.  To this I have to say: so what?  I had the idea before I saw that episode, so I plagiarized NOTHING, you hear!?  NOTHING!  Well, except for everyone but Gauntlet and Kurai… but the PLOT is mine!

Note: Italics with quotation marks around them signify a foreign language.

****************

In a secret hive of scum and villainy…

            Kurai snarled as Slade smashed him in the face with the end of his staff.  Both were clad in white martial arts gis, fighting on a mat in the middle of a weight room.  In a rare display, Slade went with his mask, not caring to cover his injury in the safety of his own base.  The insanely powered teen stumbled backwards, shaken by the blow.  "Hold still and take your beating!"  Kurai launched a fierce counter-attack, forcing Slade back.  Slade seemed to float around the punches for several moments, sizing up his competition.  

            Slade laughed.  "I do really need to teach you how to banter in mid fight.  Everything out of your mouth is either nonsensical or a cliché."  He finally saw an opening, and launched out with a flat handed blow at the right base of Kurai's neck.  Kurai cried out in pain yet again and fell to his knees.  Even as he opened his eyes, Kurai saw Slade about to slam the butt of his staff into his face.  He closed his eyes reflexively, waiting for the impact.

            Nothing.

            He cautiously opened his right eye, just in time to see Slade's boot before it smashed his face.  With that, Kurai was down.  

            Not for long, mind you.  Slade managed to hide his fatigue as his sparring partner rose to his feet, tending to his bloodied nose.  He observed Kurai's recovery with no small amount of pride.  Merely a month ago, the youth had been unable to stand for a half an hour after such an attack.  _Very nice, Kurai.__  You never had to learn to really take a punch back in __Japan__, as no one could touch you.  Your training is coming along nicely…_

            Kurai snorted to halt the flow of blood.  "You have to be the greatest fighter I have ever encountered!  Back home, I was the best martial…"

            _If only we can reign in that ego.  Slade smacked Kurai across the face as hard as he could.  "How many times must I tell you, stop telling yourself that lie!  You and I both know that your style is tolerable, but full of holes and defects.  You have been living on your powers your entire life, and that ends now."  _

Kurai's eyes flared red for a moment, but he managed to reign in his rage.  

Slade smirked.  _And now for a kind word and a small lie to soothe his wounded pride and keep him under my influence.  Kurai, you are SO easy to manipulate.  _"I am harsh with you because that is the only way that you will improve.  Your potential is such that you could be the mightiest man on the face of this planet, even BEYOND your younger sister.  This is why I recruited you in her stead."  _And if you believe that, I have a tower in __Tokyo__ to sell you.  _

Kurai bowed.  "Good match, Slade-sensei."  

Slade returned the bow, although his was much shallower.  "Now I will inform you of the rest of my plan."

Kurai raised an eyebrow.  "What plan?  We simply fight the Titans at the predetermined site.  Nothing simpler."

Slade opened the door, letting Kurai scramble behind him to catch it.  "Excellent.  If I managed to fool YOU into thinking that, then the Titans will also be in the dark as to the true plan."

Kurai glared at the back of his teacher's head for a second, but managed to restrain his anger.  "True plan, sensei?"

They found themselves in unlit room.  Kurai glanced around.  "Where…"

"This is the nexus of my operations, young Kurai."  He pulled out a remote control and tapped a button, causing a gigantic screen built into the wall (which was much closer than Kurai would have guessed) to come to life.  "From here, thanks to the efforts of my man in Titans Tower, I can observe their every movement.  Their every secret is recorded, analyzed by my people round the clock, and the important details are then sent to me."

"That is… nice, sensei, but it hardly seems relevant to the current situation."

"Patience, Kurai.  Because of what I know, there will be no need for the original plan.  Luring the Titans, along with Thunder and Lightning, to the site of the last conflict made sense at the time.  They are unused to operating together, so I assumed they would simultaneously have the power to fetch what I want from the bunker, yet be unable to work cohesively against me."  

            "I thought that you were right in that regard.  You sent that tape of them humiliating themselves in their training exercises to the sports bloopers people and won their prize last night."  

            Slade did something very rare for him: he enjoyed a good, honest laugh.  "Yes, although my work as an assassin is more financially rewarding, I shall treasure the memory of that being on television forever."  He wiped a tear from his good eye, still chuckling.  "But on to other matters.  The REAL plan."  He tapped another button, bringing up a display of the Titans Tower.  "At your current skill level, you cannot tackle the odds against you.  Green Arrow is a wildcard, and I had underestimated Gauntlet based on what little I knew of him.  So, we divide and conquer.  I shall send some of my minions on a rampage downtown before your prearranged battle.  I will contact the Titans ahead of time and let them know that the threat on the elementals' father is still in effect.  Also, I'm have the connections to set up a suitable distraction Green Arrow's Star City, thus removing the only one among them with enough experience to do more than react."

            Kurai queried, "So, then, I fight with whatever the Titans send my way?"

            **WHACK!  Kurai's question was rewarded with a slap to the back of his head.  "You are thinking far too simply, my young app… pupil."  _Almost slipped there.__  I'm getting so used to him that I forget that I am using him.  Cannot have that; he is my student in the short term only.  "No, the Titans will be expecting to fight one enemy; to paraphrase a children's story, the rules for fighting one man versus many are different.  They have been psyching themselves up for almost a week now, preparing to fight you.  So when my very replaceable and numerous robots soldiers strike from the hiding places I have prepared at the site of battle, they shall be overwhelmed.  Then, they shall do as I say."_**

            Kurai had a stroke of insight.  "You shall force that Robin boy to be your apprentice!"  

            **WHACK!  "Wrong again.  As I told you, forcing him to the position did nothing before; it only made him more ready and willing to halt my efforts.  He must be ready and willing when he comes.  Pay attention.  You shall hang back and be ready to reinforce my units IF AND WHEN it is needed.  Let me say that another way.  YOU WILL NOT ATTACK THEM UNLESS I GIVE YOU AN EXPLICIT ORDER.  IF YOU DO SO, YOU WILL SUFFER."  Kurai's eyes flashed a bright red, as the rage inspired energies at his command burned away the bandages that still encased his forearms and hands.  Slade, still not looking at him, warned, "And before you vaporize me for slighting your precious honor, you know that you need me far more than I need you."  **

Kurai glared daggers at Slade's back, but managed to control his anger.  _You are correct, Slade-sensei.  I need you.  For now.  For the insults I have had to endure in your command, YOU shall suffer.  _"And then what?"  

"I am going to keep you on a need to know basis on this operation, lest you make any, how did you phrase it last time, 'tactical modifications' to the plan.  You are dismissed.  You probably need a dose of your medicine anyway."

"Hai, Slade-sensei."  With that, he left.  

Slade's longtime companion, Wintergreen, stepped from his hiding place in the shadows.  "I do not think it is wise to provoke him the way you do, Wilson."  

"Your concern is duly noted.  However, it is a balancing act.  I treat him far better than any of my other underlings because of his talents, but I also seek to destroy his sheer ego.  He has never had to work for anything in his life, and I want to change that.  Now, let us see what our favorite reality TV show has to offer."  He tapped another button on his remote control, bringing up the Tower's living room.  "Odd, no one is around… where are they?"                                                         

************

Robert was awake.  It took him several minutes to realize it, as he slowly returned to the land of the living.  As soon as he was self aware, he really wished that he wasn't.  His head throbbed, and for some reason, he couldn't see through his left eye.  He tentatively touched his head, and felt the bandages there.  He also noticed that an intravenous tube was lined to his left arm, and that the Gauntlet had reverted to its standby mode.  His vision was limited, as there were white curtains on three sides of him.

_Initial analysis: from the looks of things, I'm in a hospital.  Okay, enough Trekkie talk… which hospital?  What happened?  What's the last thing I remember…_

He inhaled sharply as it came back to him.  Blackfire, wounded but with enough energy for one attack.  Starfire, strong and sure, in far better shape than her sister.  And that one, final explosion… he winced as he recalled the initial pain of the debris chunk hitting him in the forhead…

_That explains the bandage… oh God, where's Kori?  Where's Bart?  And for that matter, where are the nurses?  Considering the knock I took, you'd think they'd be checking me for a concussion or...  How long has it been?  Gotta get someone... anyone…_

He reached over and pulled the IV out of his arm.  To his surprise, there was no pain.  "Must've been a painkiller or something…"  He started coughing as his dry throat protested that sentence.  "Man, I'm thirsty…"  He stumbled to his feet, thankful that they hadn't seen fit to replace his clothes with a hospital gown.  "Must not've been here long then…"  

"There you are!"  As Robin and the rest of the Titans (Starfire notably absent) and Impulse entered Robert's partition, he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Hey, Robin, guys, glad to see…"  The rest of his greeting was cut off he noticed the glares directed at him.  "You?  What's wrong?"

"Starfire.  Third degree burns.  Four broken bones, two in her left arm, one rib and her right shin.  A pint of blood lost with no transfusions, and a square foot of skin with no grafts.  And you have the NERVE to ask what's wrong!?"  Robin was obviously doing his best to contain himself as he read off Kori's injuries, but he was visibly shaking.

Robert immediately went on the defensive.  "Look, before you try to lay any blame on me…"

Robin tried to cut off Robert, but was instead cut off by Savior.  "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?  To just sit there and place bets while she's fighting for her life?  I knew it was a mistake to let you join, and now Kori's had to suffer for your lack of brains!"

"It was her sister's idea!  She said it was about honor and I wasn't allowed to help!  Any of you would have done the same thing!"

Cyborg shook his head.  "You were in the right until Bart told us you bet against her.  It's illegal AND dishonest, man."  Impulse looked very uncomfortable once his name was brought up and remained silent.  

"What's twenty bucks!?  I expected to lose!  Losing a bet is a good way to build friendships!  It isn't my fault."

"No matter how many times you say that, it isn't going to magically come true!"

Robert glared at Savior.  "So tell me, what would YOU have done?  Starfire was okay with it, and it was a matter of honor, which is apparently a big deal to her!  She knew the risks, and I couldn't talk her out of it!  I was just the ritual witness, okay?  Bart, back me up on this!"  

Impulse shifted from foot to foot nervously.  Of course, for someone as fast as him, it made everyone watching queasy.  "You know, I do have to back him up.  I mean, I could've stopped it, but I trusted Starfire.  Think about it.  I don't think any of you would be this mad if she'd won."  

This stopped everyone's righteous anger in its tracks.  

Raven, who had been silent the whole time, was the one who ended the uneasy impasse.  "What's done is done.  I managed to stabilize her condition, but she won't be able to fight tomorrow.  We don't need another conflict weakening the team.  This is unfortunate, but the only one we can blame for this is whatever Tamaranian set up the system of honor."

Robin sighed.  "Right as always, Raven.  Gauntlet, I'm sorry; I was just so upset that I had to lash out at something, and you were the only one I could think of."  

Robert shrugged.  "Hey, no prob.  Say, Raven, mind patching up this bump on my noggin?  I can't carry the one eyed look as well as Slade."  

Although the joke was relatively lame, everyone released the tension they had built as a good, hearty laugh.  Even Savior couldn't help but grin.  

Raven reached up, touching Robert's forehead.  "No problem.  If your medical report was right, it shouldn't take much effort at all."  Her hand glowed black for an instant.  "Are you sure you were hurt?"  

Robert shrugged.  "I felt something hit my head… right, Bart?"  

"Yeah, you definitely got beaned."  

Robert quickly unraveled his bandages.  "So, how does it look?"  

Gar piped in, "Nothing, man.  You sure you got hit?"

Robert touched his forehead.  "Hey, what gives?  Healing powers?  I never had THOSE before…"  He looked at the ring on his right hand.  "You been holding out on me, eh buddy?  You bastard, I'll kill you!"  He leaped down, strangling his right hand with his left.  

As the rest of the Titans and Impulse struggled to save Gauntlet from himself, Savior moaned.  "Well, at least things are back to normal…"

"I DON'T NEED YOU AS LONG AS I HAVE LEFTY!"

"Or at least as normal as things ever get around this outfit."  

***************

His name was Green Arrow, but he was not Oliver Queen.  He was Queen's illegitimate son, Connor Hawke.  After Queen's death, he had taken the mantle, and now they shared the name.  They also protected Star City, which had become corrupt during Queen's absence.  

When Queen had called him to let him know he was going to aid the Titans, Connor had been a bit surprised.  But only a bit.  _From Speedy on, he's always liked having young people around him.  Oh well; I spent most of my adult life fighting alone, no reason why it should be any more difficult now.  _

He was stalking about an abandoned fish cannery by the city's docks.  _One of these days, I'll have to figure out why abandoned buildings are always by the dock; the rest of a city might be thriving, but this area is always full of run down buildings for the bad guys to hide in.  _

He had several thousand kilograms of reasons for being there on a Saturday night.  A shipment of cocaine was coming in from Columbia that night, or so his sources had said.  Although he knew his efforts were less than a drop in the bucket for the billion dollar industry, but it was a step in the right direction.  

Also, despite the fact that he was a young bachelor, he had been raised in a monastery, so the idea of a "night on the town" was relatively new to him.  So, he had trailed the buyer, a lieutenant of a major local crime lord to this spot, and was recording his every word with a bug he had planted on the man's jacket.   

Hiding behind a stack of empty crates (another constant feature of abandoned warehouses on the docks), he could hear a pair of voices in Spanish.  Although he could not understand, from their tone, he assumed that it was the lieutenant and the supplier negotiating a price or some such.  

_"Así, hablamos español…" _

_"Ordenado."_

_"¿Yo me pregunto cuántas a personas en la audiencia sabrán que hablamos acerca de absolutamente nada?"_

_"El infierno si sé, acabo de trabajar aquí."_

_"Diga, así que largo __como__ sabemos que muchas personas no sabrán lo que hablamos acerca de.. ¡Una la armada! ¡Compre la guerra los bonos! ¡Los derechos civiles son para perdedores!" _

_"Ah, ahora usted lo toma demasiado lejos, mi amigo."___

As the pair went on, Connor knocked an arrow into place.  This one had a rounded canister on the end that would release a cloud of smoke as air flew through it, allowing him to blind the smugglers.  From there, he would pick them off one by one.  There were no more than six of them, counting the lieutenant and his truck driver (which made him even more curious; a shipment this big should have had more security.)

He drew back the arrow, preparing to let fly.  As the wire stretched, it made a distinct noise.  

Then came the voice from behind.  

"Eeeeeerreehh."  

An almost perfect copy of his bow's sound.  

Connor instantly knew who his pursuer was.  After all, you don't forget the man who shot you in the head.  

Onomatopoeia.  He wore a brown trench coat and a black mask with rings on it.  His face was utterly obscured, as were his origins.  His specialty was killing superheroes; whether for money or just for the hell of it, it was unclear.  He had come out of nowhere, trying to kill the Green Arrows, for, again, unknown reasons.

_When you get right down to it, everything we know about this guy could be written on a matchbook._

He rolled to the right quickly, cursing under his breath.  He slid along the ground, releasing the arrow in the direction of the voice.  The arrow made a whizzing noise as it passed, releasing it's cargo.  

"Thup, voont, whoosh, hiss…"  A bullet crossed the distance between them in an instant, denting the concrete floor.  "Bang, crack."  

Connor cursed again as he realized his grievous error.  _The smoke helps HIM more than it helps me…  He fired an arrow into the smoke, hoping that lady luck would pick up the slack.  She didn't, predictably.  Instead, it made a thunking noise, which Onomatopoeia was more than happy to mimic.  _

Green Arrow cursed again.  _Have to get this out into the open... I can't believe I didn't figure out  this whole THING was a setup before; I mean, the smugglers were too few and they weren't even armed…_

Ducking under another shot, Connor realized that this was to his advantage.  He leapt up and over the stack of crates, landing in the midst of the smugglers.  Now he was in the open, as the smoke arrow had not passed near the smugglers as planned.  

Onomatopoeia matched his maneuver.  "Bang bang bang."  He sent a hail of lead at Green Arrow, narrowly missing both him and the "smugglers."

As they watched this battle, one man slapped another on the back.  _"¿Es siempre gran cuando un plan bueno se reúne, eh? La trampa fue perfectamente, y ahora señor Slade nos dará nuestro cheque de pago." _

_"No me toque."_  With that, the pair left, significantly richer for their efforts.

Green Arrow fired another standard arrow, finally connecting.  The shaft drilled through one side of his right arm and out the other.

This didn't seem to slow Onomatopoeia down much.  He fired again.  "Bang."  As blood began dripping from his wound, he mimicked that sound too.

Just to prove that Lady Luck was a bitch, it was then that Connor slid on puddle in the middle of the floor.  He fell to the ground and hit his head on the floor.  

He tried to lever himself up, cursing yet again.  Suddenly, pain exploded across his gut.  An instant later, a loud crack filled the air as he slumped back to the ground.  He felt a slick sensation on his stomach, and before he passed out from the shock, he heard one noise.

"Bang."

End Part 9

_"¡Yo esperanza segura que los lectores amables visitarán red libre de punto de traducción!"_

_"Yo lo pensé era la traducción libre com punteado.."_

_"¡La red libre _del__ punto de la Traducción!___ ¡Es com punteado!" _

Note: Apparently, the translation service I used doesn't translate stuff as well as I'd like.  Ah well; close enough.  I'll say that the above joke is taken from the Homestar "First Time Here" movie, as that's the main joke that didn't translate well.  Oh, and it's Free Translation Dot Com.  I have to spell it out because for some reason, url's don't show up when I post this stuff.  Ah well.

Also, I'm sorry I'm taking so long between stuff.  School has spoken.

That is all.


	10. The Epic of Gauntlet Part 10

The Epic of Gauntlet

Part 10

"On the eve of battle, I am reminded of a quote from Napoleon...  'Shit!'"

By BobCat

Disclaimer: There is a problem with the script… there shall be borrowing of characters from DC Comics and Warner Brothers Animation and the lawyers cannot abide that… I suppose they shall have to be written out…  

No, wait!  I have a device to make all well.  I shall write a prologue, clearly stating that I, BobCat, am indeed NOT the inventor of these characters owned by DC, and further clarify that all characters NOT of that origin are mine!  

***************

            "Yea, and with much pomp and circumstance do we,

            The Knights of the Tower of T,

            Having mightily paid the Bill of the Hospital, 

            And wrestled intensely with the protests of the nurses,

            Who believeth not in fair Raven's healing power.  

            And now, having returneth… ed,

            We find that our stalwart ally, the Green Arrow,

            Hath been forced to return to his own land,

            The City of the Stars,

            In order to avenge the wounding of his son, the Green Arrow!  

            To worsen a situation that hath little to recommend it,

            Impulse, the fetcher of Alien Princesses, 

            Hath departed to assist his own team.

            Now, our numbers diminished by the defeat of the Princess of Tamaran,

            By that other Princess of Tamaran,

            We, with allies Thunder and Lightning of the Land of the Rising Sun and Sushi,

            Do now go into battle with out greatest foe,

            Ah, what a glorious and great conflict is this!"

            As the speech came to an end, Robin commented, "Nice recap."

            As he quickly hid his notes behind his back, Gauntlet replied, "Thanks!  I thought it up right on the spot."  _Heh__ heh.__  Suckers.  _

The Titans, minus Starfire, plus Thunder and Lightning, plus AND minus Green Arrow, carry the three, apply the hypotenuse of the quadrangle, at a parallel perpendicular, solve for X… man, this team roster is more bloated and convoluted than the Uncanny X-Men…

            Okay, let's try to be simpler…

            A group of people what were not grown up were gearing up, performing whatever little rituals they preferred before combat.  Gauntlet cracked wise, Cyborg and Beast Boy were playing a video game, Lightning was bragging to anyone who would listen, mainly his brother, Raven was floating in mid air in meditation, and Savior and Robin were going over some last minute plans.  

            And then, a red phone rang.  Robin picked it up, wondering what the Mayor was calling them on the hotline for.  "Hello?"

            "Robin!  Downtown!  Help!  Emergency!  No, get away, GET AWAY!  ARGH!"  At that point the line went dead.

            Robin set down the phone with a calm he did not feel.  _What the hell was THAT about?  _

An instant later, the Titan's monitor sounded its alarm.  Several security feeds from City Hall showed up on the screen, giving them a glimpse into a scene of pure pandemonium.  

            Several dozen men dressed in identical black and white costumes were guarding hostages, firing pistols at the ceiling to convince other people to surrender, rifling through files and safes, and various other activities generally associated with a hostage situation.  

            Suddenly, every camera went dead except for one.  The screen switched from multiple images to a single enlarged image.  The masked man's identity was hidden to Robin.  "Who are you!?"

            "Surely you recall the man who you convinced to take a shot at a child.  Rather irresponsible of you, Robin."  

            Robin gasped.  "Gemini!?"  

Indeed, it was Joshua Kurgal, the failed bank robber from two weeks prior.  He had traded out his patchwork costume in favor of a far more professionally tailored suit.  As was the wont of metahumans, he went with a skintight costume, this base of which was a put black.  Goggles covered his eyes, while the rest of his head was covered by a black, skin tight material.  His short cropped brown hair was visible, and an abbreviated poncho covered the top half of his torso.  It was emblazoned with a yin yang symbol, the only nod to his previous attire.  He laughed.  "How nice of you to recall my former name.  How foolish I was so long ago… these days, though, I go by Kurgal, the One Man Army, or just Kurgal for short.  A bit long winded, but descriptive, I should say."  

Beast Boy interrupted.  "Um, dude, two weeks isn't a long time ago."  

Kurgal snorted derisively.  "As far as I'm concerned, it was a lifetime ago.  Now for the inevitable question."  

Gauntlet beat Robin to the punch.  "How did you do this!?  I mean, last time, you could only split into two guys, not a small army!"  

"An excellent question, my friend.  The short of it is that a mutual acquaintance of ours arranged to have me freed and for my powers to be enhanced."

Robin snarled, "Slade."

"Give the man a kewpie doll.  Now, my benefactor has asked me to deliver a message.  He still expects you to meet him at the time he designated previously, but it is up to you whether or not you want to stop me!  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a city to ravage!"  The monitor suddenly cut out.  

Robin punched the computer station, snarling.  "Dammit!  Just when I think we're ready, Slade pulls this!  Why the hell is he always five steps ahead of us!?"  He leaned forward, resting his head and fists on the screen.  

Robert started, "Well, as heroes, we're a reactionary force, and…"

Robin snapped, "That was rhetorical.  Shut up, I'm thinking."  

After an incredibly uncomfortable silence, Robin straightened up again.  "All right, crew, listen up.  Fighting Kurai, we need as close to full strength as possible.  But, we need enough of us on Kurgal to bring HIM down.  He's a small army, like his name says.  So, we're going to have to split up.  We don't have time for any objections, so once I finish, just move out.  Got that?"  The others all nodded.  "Good.  The first group will meet Slade and Kurai.  That will be Gauntlet, Thunder, Lightning, Raven and Cyborg.  Vic, you're in charge.  Savior, Beast Boy and I will take on Kurgal.  If either team finishes, they will proceed IMMEDIATELY to reinforce the others.  Now Titans, GO!"  

Raven and Savior exchanged a meaningful glance, knowing full well that it could be the last time that they saw each other.  Then, they were off.  

*****************

Gauntlet laughed, seemingly oblivious to the imminent peril that he was in.  "Air Titans!  The only way to fly!"  

Cyborg, the pilot of the jetplane, allowed his passenger a quick grin.  "Glad you like it.  I put a lot of effort into this one; I've been working on this thing longer than the T-Car.  Of course, I got a LITTLE help from the guys at Waynetech, but hey, I can't know everything about machines.  I call it…"

Raven interrupted.  "No, don't tell me, the T-Plane."

Cyborg responded, "Yeah, like I'd let myself get caught in THAT rut.  I'm calling it the Falconer.  No real reason, just seemed like a good name."  

Thunder looked a little green.  "I do not like air travel…"

Lightning moaned.  "Oh, not THIS again.  The first time we came to America, he got so nauseous he caused a tsunami.  Try to keep control of your gullet this time, okay?"

Thunder immediately broke his brother's orders, vomiting his lunch into a handily placed barf bag."

Raven rubbed her temples and sighed.  

Cyborg interpreted her sorrow immediately.  "You're bummed 'cause you aren't with Noel, aren't you?"

Raven nodded.  "I know we can't be together on everything, but it still feels like something's missing."

Gauntlet shrugged.  "Well, the teams make sense.  Robin knew that he himself couldn't do much against Kurai, and he teamed himself up with the most flexible guys on the team, since he doesn't know exactly what Kurgal is up to.  We're all here because we can take a hit from Kurai and keep on going."

Cyborg began to bank the Falconer to the right, bleeding off momentum.  "He's got a point.  You two got your force fields, and Thunder, Lightning and me are just that tough!"  

Lightning slapped his brother on the back.  "I hear that!  Is that not right brother?"

Thunder, who had been winning his battle with his airsickness, was thrown off balance, losing control of his gag reflex once again.  

Gauntlet continued, "Plus, we've all got weird enough powers that odds are something we can do will be effective."  

Raven waved off further explanation.  "I know, I know, but my heart doesn't know that.  It's been a long time since I've had to fight without him there.  Don't worry about it; we'll be just fine."  

As the Harrier style engines lowered the Falconer down for a perfect landing, Thunder commented, "Doesn't it seem kind of odd that Slade didn't try to shoot us down?"

Lightning added, "Yes, such honorable behavior seems wholly out of character for that jackal."  

Raven said, "Slade only cheats when he's worried about the outcome.  He's just that confident that Kurai can beat us at any strength, especially half strength."  

Cyborg cut the engines and stood up.  "Well, I guess we'll just have to prove him wrong."  

As the Titans exited the plane, they immediately noticed a figure standing in the middle of the field wearing a trench coat of the kind favored by Kurai.  

Gauntlet stretched and then summoned his weapon to its active mode.  "Alright, let's do this thing!"  The others went through similar, if not as visible, preparations.  

When the Titans closed to fifty feet away, Kurai's voice boomed across the field.  "Greetings, Titans.  I am surprised that you had the courage to show yourselves after your first mortifying defeat.  Congratulations on your foolhardiness.  Now, knowing what little chance you have to defeat me, I shall be courteous and allow you the first shot!  Use it well."  

Lightning's aura blazed a bright yellow.  "That pompous ass!  He shall suffer the full fury of the elements!"  He raised his arms up, ready to unleash thousands of volts of electricity into the Japanese youth.  Suddenly, black energy surrounded his hands, pointing them away from Kurai.  "What sorcery is this!?"

Raven said dryly, "Mine."  Something didn't sit quite right about this situation, but she just couldn't put her finger on it.  _It's not just being away from Noel; something is seriously wrong here.  _

Cyborg shifted his arms to their sonic cannon configurations and opened the hatches for his missile launchers.  "Hold up, sparky.  We're doing this right this time, and that means working together.  Everyone but Rob, get ready to give him your best shot.  Rob, when we shoot, you run at him as fast as you can and get ready for some hand to hand, got it?  We'll follow up after that.  On my mark."  Cyborg waited until everyone was in position.  "Mark."

A wave of four energy types filled the air as all four unleashed their fury upon the stationary Kurai.  It hit him like a freight train, sending him flying into the air.  When the missiles flew in an instant later, they exploded, ripping him to shreds.  

Cyborg went pale.  "Oh dear God… we killed him…"  

Gauntlet had started running the second the hellish barrage had begun, and even the shock of seeing Kurai incinerated before him couldn't halt him at that point.  He tripped over a hunk of the teen's flesh and hit the ground, skidding several feet.  He sat there for several moments in stunned amazement.  Then he one of Kurai's fingers off to the side… with wires jutting from it.  "A robot?"

Suddenly, from hiding spots among the taller grass surround them, a seemingly endless horde of Slade's robots leapt into view.  Catching the Titans totally by surprise, they unleashed a barrage of energy bolts.  Force fields and armor were strained under the hair of destruction.  

Raven cursed as her black force field shrunk beneath the blasts.  "Kurai wasn't alive!  That's what was wrong earlier!  We walked straight into a trap."

Cyborg, crouching next to her in the shrinking sphere, quipped, "Yeah, ya wanna send me a letter thirty seconds ago!?"  

Gauntlet found himself surrounded in his own smaller circle.  He was completely cut off from the others.  He called out, "Now, these are robots too, right?"  

Thunder punched one of them, knocking its head into the distance.  "It would seem that way!"  

Gauntlet formed his force field into a large blade and swung around in a circle.  Most of the robots leapt out of the way, but several were bisected by his indiscriminate attack.  His objective of opening a gap between himself and his teammates was met.  "Just checking!"  Before he could get back with the others, more robots replaced the fallen, punching, kicking and blasting him.  He crouched down, his force field shrinking by the moment.  Finally, he saw an opening.  He leapt forward, grabbing a Sladebot (for lack of a better term).  He twisted around, putting the robot between him and the rest of the horde.  A rain of energy blasts flew at him, but the captured Sladebot took most of the barrage.  Robert flung the robot into the advancing mass, knocking several down, and leapt back, landing next to Raven.  He fell to his knees panting hard.  "I can't believe that worked…"  

Cyborg sent a pair of missiles into Robert's "dancing partners."  The resulting explosion sent them flying in all directions.  "I can't either, man.  You're one lucky son of a bitch."  

Raven interjected, "You can pat each other on the back later.  More incoming.  **_Azurath_****_, Metrion ZINTHOS!!!"_**  Black energy surrounded a pile of debris from the Sladebots, and these were sent shooting into the new wave of enemies.  Metal and plastics were shredded, sending more robots to the proverbial scrapheap, but more kept coming.  

Thunder was swarmed by several dozen, more than even his superhuman strength could support.  He was forced his knees by the onslaught.  

Cyborg tried to move help Thunder, but Lightning cut him off.  "What's wrong with you man!?  He's your bro, and he needs help!"

"Look again, Cyborg.  He's pretending to be weakened to draw more of them to him.  Enjoy the breather and observe the power of the storm."  

Thunder, almost invisible under the mass of punching and kicking Sladebots, finally could stand no more.  "ENOUGH!"  He slammed his right fist into the ground, causing a massive thunderclap that knocked sent the robots flying like ping pong balls in a tornado.  He rose to his feet, with a pose that almost begged more of the mechanical minions to try again.

Robert whistled his appreciation.  "Now that's enough to give Kurai some serious Ki envy."  

Raven's energy dissipated.  "I hope that's the last of MMPH!"  She was halted in mid sentence by Robert's hand.  "Hmm?"

Robert screamed, "Don't say it!  You'll doom us all!"  

Raven forcibly removed his hand.  "Don't be ridiculous.  Saying that I hope more of them won't come out won't cause them to YIPE!"  She hastily erected an energy barrier, stopping a blast from the new wave of Sladebots from frying her face.  

Gauntlet's energy field snapped back up.  "Remember, Raven, the cliché police are always watching.  Gauntlet away!"  He leapt into the fray… and was immediately swarmed.  "Ack!  This looks like a job for Superman!"  He was knocked silly by a blow to the back of the head.  

Raven started her familiar spell, but was also knocked loopy by a lucky punch from her blindspot.  However, she was not knocked unconscious.  She did misspeak her spell, though.  "**_Agrabah_****_, Metric System, Mentos…"  _**

Everyone, Sladebots included, paused as reality suddenly shifted, and a song began…

**Do Do Do Do Do, Do Waaaaaaah…**

Cyborg clutched his ears.  "Oh my God!  I thought the hell on earth had finally ended!"

The Sladebots glanced around nervously, unwilling or unable to comprehend what was happening to them.

**It doesn't matter what comes,**

**Fresh goes better in life, **

**And Mentos is fresh and full of life.**

Lightning commented, "These guys have even less grasp of the English language than Kurai…"

Gauntlet stumbled to his feet, and began walking slowly over to the assembled horde.  

**Nothing gets to you,**

**Staying fresh staying cool, **

**With Mentos fresh and full of life!**

Gauntlet held up a roll of Mentos, handing it to the first robot he got to.  

**Fresh goes better,**

**Mentos**** freshness!  **

Exited by the new breath freshener, the main robot began sharing them with the rest of the group.  They greedily crammed them into openings roughly equivalent with their mouths…

**Fresh goes better with Mentos,**

Totally forgetting that they had no stomachs.  The mints rolled down into their torso, getting in the way of gears, chips and their other mechanical 

**Fresh and full of life!**

As the song drew to an end, the Sladebots simultaneously exploded.  

Cyborg gaped.  "What the HELL did you do?"

Raven responded, "I don't know, but I wish I did; being able to disable all opponents with mints seems like a big advantage."

Gauntlet popped a mint into his mouth.In his deepest voice, he said, "Mentos, the Plot Device… I mean, Fresh Maker."

End Part 10

            I would now like to thank the academy for giving me the award for most random ending ever.  

            Worry not, some sense of plot structure will return soon… this gag occurred to me, and it just seemed too perfect not to use.

            To steal an idea from Stan Lee, the No Prize!  

            Whoever can identify the character that said the lines I based the disclaimer on gets the No-Prize!  Include an e-mail address, so I can send it to you.  It shall be in the form of… a custom made sprite comic!!!

            Hint: The Bard of Avon.


	11. The Epic of Gauntlet Part 11

The Epic of Gauntlet

Chapter 11

"The Return of the Knave"

By BobCat

Notes: For my absence, I can offer nothing but a lame apology. I hope to get back into writing as a habit, but it won't be easy.

Also, I'm sorry, but there is one tiny little fourth-wall joke. But it's not OOC and nobody mentions the author by name. I'm making progress, thanks to the Fourth-Patch; it releases small doses of suspension of disbelief and respect for the audience!

* * *

Slade is, was, and will always be the greatest enemy that the Teen Titans have ever had. No matter what the circumstances, he was always in control. Minor setbacks, or even major setbacks, never really bothered him; for every plan they thwarted, they overlooked a dozen others. Slade was cold and logical, but this alone was not the source of his calm; indeed, the cold and logical tend to be the first to crack under pressure. No, it wasn't because of who he was, but because of what he had been through. 

As part of his military training, he had been instructed in various meditation arts, as they seemed to help soldiers keep calm under fire. The instructor had told them to be as the lotus blossom; the rain falls upon the lotus, but because it is waterproof, the rain slides off. So was he taught to be in regards to the dangers and problems of the world. He had been the best student, which did not surprise him; he was always best at whatever he did. Where others had imagined a lotus, he had _been_ the lotus.

This eternal calm had been utterly shattered as a platoon of Sladebots were destroyed by a magical error that turned reality into one of those damnable Mentos© commercials from a few years ago. While reality was as it should be again, Slade was not taking it well.

Slade stood atop a grassy knoll, giving the assembled Titans and allies his most baleful glare. "TITANS! I will see you and everything you care about burn! And then I will burn what I burned, then vaporize it, and then burn it again! I will kill you so slowly that oblivion will be a surprise! I will rape your mothers and destroy your homes!"

Fact: Despite what you see in movies, somebody who is really mad is very rarely capable of coming up with original insults and/or threats.

Lighting ventured, "I believe that he is mad with us."

Gauntlet said, "Oh wait, you mean that he ISN'T cursing the ancestors of the Greek Gods?" This earned him some odd looks from his companions. "What, I've only been a Titan about a month. I'm used to being called 'Hey You' or 'Vandal' or 'the world's greatest lover' or something."

Slade expected the worst and prepared for it. He knew that the Titans were lucky enough to thwart his efforts much of the time, but he had expected the Sladebots to last another ten minutes, and possibly overrun them. He had manipulated events so perfectly… and then some surprise non-sequiter of a defeat had robbed him of millions of dollars of equipment and hours of work.

Some part of Slade's mind that wasn't devoted to rage was desperately thinking, "Be the lotus. Be the lotus." Unfortunately for this part of his mind, he wasn't capable of being anything more than a berserker. He charged the Titans head on…

Only to be stopped by a bandaged hand. Slade whirled around and snarled at Kurai, "If you know what is good for you, you will let me go!" Slade followed up his threat with a hard blow to a pressure point just above Kurai's solar plexus. Kurai grunted, but held his ground.

Kurai smirked, glorifying in his advantage over Slade, however temporary it was. "It might be good for me, but it would not be good for you. Calm down, Slade-san."

For an instant, Slade was ready to smash Kurai's head open as a warm-up for dealing with the waiting Titans. Then, he was again the lotus, and saw that he had almost destroyed decades of work for a moment of fury. He gave Kurai a knowing look as his respect for the teen increased tenfold.

Slade straightened up to his full height and looked down upon the Titans. Everybody except for Gauntlet noticed that his eye had narrowed to its normal squint. Gauntlet, not having encountered Slade before, assumed that he had something in his eye and was ready for any sudden movement.

Giving them another minute to stew, Slade smirked as he could feel his control of the situation return to him. Finally, he said, "You may wonder why I've asked you all here."

Gauntlet put on a pair of reading glasses and a notebook. "According to the minutes of the last meeting, you kidnapped Thunder and Lightning's deadbeat dad and asked us to come here for unexplained purposes."

Raven said, "Now is not the time, Robert."

Slade gestured towards a pair of the remaining Sladebots. The two bowed slightly and went into a nearby stand of trees. A moment later, they came back with a bound and gagged man. "You are correct, jester. Thunder, Lighting, it is time to meet your father." Slade pulled out his own sheet of paper. "Walter Williams, formerly a Lieutenant of the United States Army. He served in Okinawa between 1984 and 1987. In '87, he was given a dishonorable discharge when it was revealed that he was regularly helping the Yakuza smuggle cocaine to the United States. He returned to the United States, served his prison time, gained a hundred pounds and now, when he bothers to work, it tends to involve the phrase 'would you like fries with that.'" Slade lifted up Williams' chin and sniffed deeply. "And he appears to have issues with controlling his bladder. And this is the waste of flesh that you have come here to save."

Cyborg raised his sonic cannon and snarled, "Let go of him, Slade. He isn't involved in this. You brought us here to fight, so let's fight!"

Slade did something unusual for him; he began laughing. Even this "outburst" sounded cold and calculated. "Oh, Cyborg, you misunderstand me completely. And unless you want mister Williams here to die of something other than a heart attack, I'd suggest you put away your gun." Cyborg's look of surprise mimicked the rest of the group's. The Terminator continued, "Don't look so surprised. If I had only wanted to fight you, I would have let Kurai finish the job when he smashed you last week."

Thunder pointed at Slade and demanded, "Then stop wasting our time so that we can be done with this game!"

Slade casually folded William's service record and intentionally took as long as possible to put it back in his pocket. "You see, Titans, beneath our feet is something very special. The remnants of a lost race far more advanced than anything humanity has encountered. Within this bunker could be an unlimited source of energy, or perhaps a cure for cancer. I don't care about either. Within this base, there will be a helmet. You will get it for me, and then I will release Williams."

Electricity arched around Lightning, filling the air with the stench of ozone. "Why can you not use your new lapdog to get this helmet, if it is so important?"

Slade said matter-of-factly, "Because Kurai is too powerful to safely breach the bases' defenses. In fact, none of my minions have the delicate touch needed to get what I seek. So, I thought to myself, 'where can I find somebody weak enough to achieve this task?' And I immediately thought of you children."

Raven whispered to Cyborg, "Defenses that gave Slade trouble? This just officially became a trap."

Cyborg nodded. "I know, Rae, but there isn't another way that I can see. Slade's got us outgunned and outmaneuvered. All we can really hope is that Robin and the others mop up Kurgal soon enough to get here and give us some backup." Cyborg shot a glare at Kurai, who responded in kind. "Even if they do show up, it might still not be enough to beat that juggernaut."

Lightning said, "But by the same token, we can't trust Slade enough not to kill Father and ambush us when we come back with his trinket."

"Slade has an incredible ability to outthink us," grumbled Thunder. The giant pensively scanned the area, and noticed something missing. "Hey, where did that short blond guy go?"

Rob had wandered off from the group into the bare patch left by Fire. He was waving the Gauntlet back and forth like it was a metal detector. He finally came to the entryway of the bunker, which popped open when he waved his hand over it. Gauntlet was grinning ear to ear. He hollered, "Hey guys! I just figured out which 'lost race more advanced than anything humanity has encountered' built this thing!"

For the second time that day, Slade was taken completely off guard. _I should learn to expect this kind of thing, I suppose. _"Oh really, child?"

Gauntlet nodded. "Yup. This doohickey on my arm is an Old One artifact too. Looks like it's willing to let me in."

Slade pondered this new development. _The Titans have access to Old One tech? This shouldn't be possible! And what's worse, he found an entrance I didn't. That means he has a high ranking device. _Slade cocked his head to the side slightly, sizing Gauntlet up. _Considering how easily Kurai beat him, he obviously has not realized it yet. This changes everything. Completing my plans quickly just became even more important. If that brain-addled fool ever realizes what he has in his possession… _For an instant, Slade knew worry. _Be the lotus, Slade, and convince them that it means nothing. _"Good. You can get what I seek all the faster."

Gauntlet made a "come here" motion to the Titans and assembled allies. He pointed to the hole, and mimed jumping in. Cyborg shook his head furiously and pointed at the ground in front of him. Rob gave him a confused look. Cyborg repeated the motion, this time adding a walking motion with his fingers. Rob shot Cyborg a hurt look and retaliated for what he thought was a rude gesture by flipping the field leader the bird. Cyborg was confused for a moment, and then shook his head furiously and pointed to the ground, doing his best to show that he wanted Rob to return to the group. Rob again mistook it, and gave him the "salute" from Spaceballs.

Raven was massaging her temples, failing to stop an oncoming headache. "Use your words, Victor."

Cyborg muttered, "It's bad enough that Slade can watch me make a secret plan, but I don't want to have to shout it."

Thunder, who had been giving his father a disgusted look, said, "What was that, Cyborg?"

Cyborg yelled, "I SAID, IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT SLADE CAN WATCH ME MAKE A SECRET PLAN, BUT I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO SHOUT IT!"

Kurai, who had been stifling laughter during the entire exchange, could finally take no more and mirth exploded from him. For an instant Slade considered rebuking his appren… assistant, but decided that against it. His dignity had already suffered enough blows that day with adding hypocrisy to the mix. "Well, Cyborg, considering that I already know, perhaps I should be allowed into the negotiations? And may I remind you that my patience has its limits?"

Cyborg smirked. "Yeah, we saw that a few minutes ago."

Slade's eye narrowed. Then, he calmly snapped his fingers. One of the Sladebots punched Williams in the gut as hard as he could, causing the bound man to double over in pain. "Patience. Limits. Mine has them. You should pay better attention."

Cyborg wilted slightly under the gaze of two elementals. "Sorry, guys; forgot who we were dealing with for a second there. But I'm starting to think our three heavy hitters shouldn't go in, which is what I wanted to talk about."

Gauntlet, who had finally caught on, commented, "But I'm the one with the key to that place."

"You are not one of our heavy hitters, Rob."

Gauntlet snorted. "I seem to recall beating everyone's ass in chapter 1."

Cyborg said in a very calm voice, "Rob, those were a special, unlikely to be duplicated series of circumstances, and everybody should just shut up about it. And if you personally don't shut up for three freakin' seconds right now, you are going to find out just how much of a heavy hitter I am." For once, Rob decided that silence was the better part of valor. Or at least, the better part of not getting a sonic cannon shoved somewhere painful. "Now guys, I think that Thunder, Lightning and me should stay topside. We have powers that are just about as likely to collapse something as Kurai's, if Slade's being honest about the situation. So, Gauntlet and Raven should head down there and get Slade's stupid helmet, and the rest of us are here as insurance."

Raven wore an expression of worry. While for most it would be a rather half-assed facial expression, it was the best she could muster after years of not practicing. "Do you three really think that you can hold Kurai off if Slade tries anything?"

Lightning smirked. "I have taken his measure, and without the cover of smoke and surprise, he will not find us such easy prey. Besides, from what I understand, the rest of us would probably get in the way."

Cyborg smirked slightly. "So, are we agreed?"

Slade, who was standing behind Cyborg, said, "It is acceptable."

Cyborg started. "How the hell did you… we had someone looking right at… there was no cover…"

Slade gave another cold laugh. "Would you really expect less of the world's best mercenary?"

Gauntlet was back at the opening of the bunker. "Right right, you're all that, you're cool, you have elite ninja hacking skills, etc. etc. Can we PLEASE get going? I have TV to watch."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Hall of the Justice League… 

Black Vulcan yawned yet again, giving the Presidential Hotline another forlorn look. "Apache Chief?"

The walking stereotype walked in from the kitchen. In a voice slower than some glaciers, he said, "Yes, Black Vulcan? What is it?"

"Do you ever get the feeling that the Superfriends aren't coming back?"

Apache Chief laughed like a record played at 15 RPM. "Ha ha, don't be silly, Black Vulcan. Why would they tell us to watch the hall until they came back if they were not coming back?"

Black Vulcan said, "Well, I'm watching TV and they have a satellite now! And now they're using this place as a tax shelter. I think we're only here so that the IRS doesn't come down on their ass." He thought about it for a moment. "Which would be… in their pants." _Man, I hope that doesn't wind up being my catchphrase… that would just be embarrassing._

Apache Chief thought for a moment. "Friend Black Vulcan, this reminds me of an ancient legend of the Great Buffalo Spirit and the impatient Great Eagle Spirit…"

And thus did Black Vulcan weep.

Lesson learned: All heroes need good agents.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Hall of the Mayor…

"So Gar, you seem to be able to turn into everything in the animal kingdom, and a few mythical creatures, right?"

Beast Boy nodded. "Yeah, that's about the size of it, Savior."

The white-haired Titan continued. "So, you have just about endless tactical options. When we saw the giant self replicating army that Kurgal made, you could have become a Utahraptor, or an elephant, or even a wolf, if you wanted to be ordinary."

"What's your point?" Beast Boy said.

"I'm getting there. So, you decided to become a giant slime mold, which isn't technically an animal anyway."

Gar finally figured out where this was going. "Dude, do you really have to say this? It won't make things any better."

Noel nodded. "Just humor me. Anyway, of all of your choices, you became a giant slime mold. And then you decided not to tell me that your were underfoot. So now, you are a giant slime mold that my feet are stuck in. I can't get out of unless I rip out most of your back, and you can't change back without my feet getting stuck in you. At what point did that seem like a good idea?"

Gar grumbled. "Just shut up and knock 'em out with your Shimmer. I'm busy moving organs so that you don't rip me apart."

The mutuated nervous tissue whipped around them like an angry cobra, lashing out and biting deep into each of the duplicates. "I thought you'd never ask."

After a minute, Savior finally managed to work his way out of Beast Boy. "Ugh. That was unpleasant."

Beast Boy snapped, "It wasn't good on my end either." The elevator dinged on the other side of the office space, and another dozen Kurgals poured out. "Aw man, just how many of these guys are there?"

"Just be glad they aren't armed like the first group we fought." Noel ran through a dozen different plans, and finally picked one that he liked. "Hey, remember that maneuver we worked on?"

Gar groaned. "Not the Tex-Mex Fastball Special…"

"Yes, the Tex-Mex Fastball Special. Now hurry up and transform before they get here."

An instant later, a green armadillo muttered as Noel's Shimmer wrapped around it. "Ready Beast Boy?" He took the cessation of muttering as a "yes." The Shimmer whipped out, tossing Gar at the charging group of clones. Gar bounced from Kurgal to Kurgal pinball style, skillfully maneuvering himself to catch each of them in a vital location. As Gar hit the ground and rolled back to Noel, the final Kurgal dropped to his kness, clutching his family jewels. Gar sprawled out at Noel's feet and transformed back into his human form.

Noel's eyebrow arched. "Where did you learn to move like that? I thought I was going to have to throw you a few times to do that."

Still slightly loopy from the numerous impacts, Gar took a moment to recover. After a moment of silence, he said, "A couple weeks back, Gauntlet and Cyborg got the idea to use me in a huge pinball machine they built. Never mind that the thing wasn't thermodynamically sound…" He shook his head, clearing the cobwebs from his mind. "Hey, where's Robin?"

The Teen Wonder had managed to get himself herded into a corner by a half dozen of the Kurgals. He made a stabbing thrust with his bo staff and quickly found himself playing tug of war with three of the duplicates. He was in danger of getting flanked by the other three, and abandoned his stick. The lead Kurgal, handling the staff with all the grace of a drunken lemur, made a motion with his right hand. A staccato series of pops filled the air, and suddenly he was the only one left. "The strength of six men armed against one boy unarmed? Who's going to win this one?" The duplicate, enhanced by the energies of his fallen brethren, lashed out with the staff repeatedly, making numerous holes in the wall around Robin. Robin smirked. "Well Kurgal, you're a lot more impressive than you were last time. But there's still one thing; you look like an army, and you sound like an army and you even move like an army. Unfortunately for you…" Seeing an opening, Robin leap-frogged over Kurgal's head and landed behind him. One good strike to the back of the stronger man's knee and he went down. Judging by the large dent he put in the floor, the strength of six men came with the weight of six men. Robin caught his staff in midair even as the duplicate popped out of existence. "You fight like a janitor."

The trio regrouped, each looking the worse for wear. Robin said, "Alright, so far so good. Now, what floor are we on?"

Gar looked at a nearby sign. "Twenty-third."

"And how many floors does this building have?"

Noel said ruefully, "More than a hundred. I don't know _why _city hall is that huge, but it is."

"Oh, that's simple. Lexcorp owns it and rents part of it to the mayor and city council, since their old building was destroyed during the Final Night. They started work on a more permanent city hall, but it got destroyed two months ago during one of Johnny Rancid's attacks. So, they're stuck here until they can get some more money."

Noel's eyebrow arched again. "Wait, this is Lex Luthor's building?" Robin nodded. Noel's Shimmer grabbed an expensive photocopier and threw it through one of the windows. "Wish I'd know that earlier; I wouldn't have been as gentle on floors one through twenty-two."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Bunker of Mystery…

"And thus did Gauntlet and Raven, the magically gifted Titans, enter the bunker of mystery. And long and arduous would their journey be, for within the bunker would be many unknown perils. But all was well, for the fair Raven had as her protector none other than that most noble of heroes, idol of millions, Robert Candide. Who personally mocked his enemies and then was thrashed. He who…"

Raven shot him a glare. "Please stop narrating. We haven't even reached the bottom of this ladder yet."

Rob responded, "But if I don't chronicle my exploits, then who will?"

"What exploits?"

Rob thought about it for a second. "I managed to become a super hero without losing my parent or parents first."

Raven conceded, "Okay, I'll admit that's rare. But we still have other things to worry about."

After a minute of climbing, they reached the bottom of the twenty foot shaft. Raven glanced around the corridor. She immediately noticed two things. For one, the sterile gray metal that made up all of the surfaces had no visible seams or breaks, as one would expect from a manufactured surface. Walls, floors and ceiling were square, yet they appeared to be one continuous item. The second… "This doesn't make sense. If Slade and Kurai had a big fight down here, where's the evidence? There should at least be scratches on the wall."

Rob shrugged. "If the base had active defenses, maybe other stuff was active. I don't know much about the Old Ones, but self-repair units don't seem to be out of line with what I do know."

Raven ran her hand across the wall. _Smooth… unnaturally smooth._Her eyes flashed with ebony energy for an instant. _No imperfections on the molecular level either… _"What exactly _do_ you know about them?"

"They were big players about 50,000 years ago, they died out, but they left some cool toys." Gauntlet paused for a second. "Wait a minute. You're a mage. Shouldn't you have a book about them? I've seen that library in your room."

"I hardly have every book of magicks ever published. Occasionally, someone will make a reference to some older source that nobody knows about, but nobody in Azarath ever thought it was older than the techno-mages of Atlantis." Raven was about to continue, but paused. She shot Rob a glare as something clicked. "When have you ever been in my room?"

"Uh… plead the Fifth?" He withered under her continued glare. "Oh all right, I'll put _Glaznar__ of Ephrata's Guide to High Level Summoning Magicks _backwhen we get home."

As he Rob confessed, Raven created a basic lighting spell, creating a small sphere of radiant energy. The two walked down the hall a ways, triggering none of the defenses that Slade had mentioned. With every footstep, Raven grew more and more nervous. Every shadow cast by the flickering ball was a potential enemy, the blackness beyond its radiance held untold horrors and she found herself checking over her shoulder every few feet. As the stress built, she could almost feel the madness of panic descend upon her.

Gauntlet whistled the theme from _The Loveboat. _

She was sweating from every pore, as she began to see more than the hints of a threat. She swore that she saw glinting eyes and ravenous jaws in the darkness. Raven lowered her hood in a vain attempt cool off. She caught herself trembling, something she did not do often. _Not since the Final Night… this should be nothing. There is nothing. Rob sees nothing. So there must be nothing. I see something, but it's nothing. I see nothing. _She caught sight of a metallic glint in the darkness. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!" She pumped the light sphere with enough energy to destroy a city block, creating a blinding light. She toned it down slightly, and saw nothing save for the sterile passageway.

"Gah! What is _wrong _with you, Raven?" Gauntlet cursed the transparent nature of his energy as he vainly tried to shield his eyes with "sunglasses."

Taking several deep breaths, she said, "I… I thought I saw something in the dark… But I was wrong…"

Gauntlet stumbled about, blinking furiously. "Dammit, you're getting my next optometrist bill…"

Raven grabbed her trembling right arm with her left, forcing the nervous movement to stop. "Rob, something is not right about this place. Every instinct in me is telling me to get the hell out. I just feel like I'm going to get attacked at any second…" They finally made it to a door. Whereas the hall had been about seven feet tall, the area around the door was twenty feet tall at least. The sterile look of the hallway was also a thing of the past, as the new surroundings were ornate, almost grandiose.

Rob gave the door a once-over. "I don't see a knob or a key hole."

Raven felt elated, as she grasped at any excuse to leave this cursed place. "I better knock, I suppose." She softly rapped the door three times, and before the soft echoes faded away, she concluded, "There doesn't seem to be anybody here. We should go back and…"

"Tee chuta hhat yudd!" From a seamless panel beside the door, a small robotic "eye" extended from the wall. The metallic "limb" it was attached to telescoped outward, allowing the eye to circle the teens fully before it retracted to its original position.

Raven was startled by the sudden appearance of the eye, and she backpedaled several feet. "Ah!"

Rob was still oblivious to his teammate's terror, partially because he wasn't expecting it from her, and partially because he was preoccupied with the cool robot thing. He poked the thing twice, commenting, "Hey, you're a funny little fella!" He ignored both the whoosh of air from behind him and Raven's surprised shriek as she fell down a trap door.

The eye withdrew slightly at the touch. "Neina toka mia. Chuba ama tuta kato?"

"I like gibberish languages too." He turned around. "Hey Raven, check this guy…" She was gone. "Raven?" He grabbed the robot eye by its "neck." "All right you motherless son of Lucasfilm, where's Raven?"

The machine paused for a second. In shaky English, it said, "Pl-plaise defein 'Rah-ven.'"

It took Gauntlet a moment to decipher the question. "Raven, the girl I came in with."

There was another pause. "Nu-Noted. Prisonair designait Rah- Raven."

"You didn't answer my question." Rob paused. "Wait, did you just say 'Prisoner?'"

"Affirmative." It was no longer stumbling over its words. "Prisoner #00004295, designate Raven, has been put into stasis cell #4 and will be treated in accordance with the First Standard Automated Defense Protocol."

"Oh, okay." Gauntlet released the eye. _Great.__ I don't know what that means, but I do know that whatever it is, Noel's going to blame this on me._

End Part 11


	12. The Epic of Gauntlet Part 12

The Epic of Gauntlet

Chapter 12

"To Grill a Mockingbird"

By BobCat

Disclaimer: If I had a nickel for every copyright I'm ripping off, I just might be able to pay for _one_ of those lawsuits…

Note: Since FFNET's new stuff means that a line of asterixes no longer shows up to indicate scene changes, I'm going to adapt the method of the author Chaltab (you should check out his stuff, by the by) and use TT-TT to indicate such a change. So declares BobCat, master of formatting!

TT-TT

Have you ever had a good day that was somehow just _too_ good? So good, in fact, that it felt uncomfortable? As if everything that defined your environment had been shifted in your favor, and there was no reason for it to do so?

Odds are you haven't. But if you pressed Raven about how she was feeling, that would be the best answer she could give.

She was back in the tower, but she could not remember how she got there. She was sipping an expertly prepared cup of her favorite herbal tea at the flawlessly clean in the dining table. As far as the eye could see, there was nothing out of its place, nor anything lacking its place.

After another sip of tea, she looked at the cup suspiciously. As far as back as she could remember, she had only had the tea made this well _once, _and that had been by a professional. She was good at making the tea through practice, but she could always detect minor flaws in the flavor or texture. This tea was too perfect.

And for that matter, Raven wondered why the table didn't have any dents whatsoever in it. The table she remembered had numerous large dents because Cyborg never mastered the art of keeping his elbows off of the table, never mind the roughhousing related warps and dents.

Raven could even hear her favorite song, _Blackbird, _in the background. Not only was it exactly the right volume for background music, but she couldn't identify the source of the sound. It was as if the air surrounding her had been pumped with Beatles and it was slowly releasing it.

Everything was just too… right. She sought this type of perfection, but actually finding it was just plain disturbing. Also, she was alone, and aside from the maddeningly repetitive strains of _Blackbird_…

Raven started slightly as the omnipresent music shifted to a nameless acoustic piece she had heard once. Years spent trying to find a recording of it had failed miserably. And there it was, exactly as she remembered it… including a few blank sections were she had forgotten how the tune went.

This confirmed her suspicions. Wherever she was, it was not real. She tossed aside the tea cup and stood up. Raven took a small bit of satisfaction in the imperfection in the wall caused by the cup's contents. Her soul self came to life, protecting her in a black bubble of energy.

For an instant, Raven was happy when Noel entered the room. The happiness was shattered when he spoke. "Excuse me lifemate, I have some inquiries I wish to make. Perhaps afterwards, we can engage in carnal contact." "Noel" moved in with the most robotic, artificial mannerisms she had ever seen. He was halted in his efforts by Raven's force field. He seemed confused. "Lifemate Rah-ven, why do you keep me from physical contact?"

Raven shot him her most intimidating glare. Considering that her cloak was up and she was using every trick of shadow and light she could muster, it would have cowed Slade himself. "Noel" seemed unfazed. "Back off, fake. Where am I?"

"Noel" paused for an instant. "We are in our home, the Titans Tower, 1st Avalon Street, Jump City, in the state of…" The imposter halted as the sharp talons of Raven's soul self grabbed it and pinned it to the wall.

"I want the truth."

The fake snapped out of its programmed pleasantries. "Why did you enter Supply Bunker #5626 without clearance? What is Captain Ro-bart Candyde doing here? How is it that you came into the bunker as far as you did without clearance? Who are you? Why have there been no new orders for 47,230.68 Earth orbital periods? **_Where are my superiors? WHY AM I ALONE?_**" The icy calm of the faux-Noel was shattered towards the end of the interrogation, now replaced by a manic glare.

Raven's only response was to crush the fake with her talons. "You get nothing from me, imposter." A sideways glance surprised her; the perfectly clean T Tower seemed to be coming apart at the seams…

And then there was nothing.

TT-TT

_**Automated Neural Interrogation Simulation #79 complete. **_

_**Result: Failure.**_

_**Reason for failure: Lack of operator input resulted in unconvincing environ and dialogue.**_

_**Awaiting operator input.**_

_**Waiting…**_

_**Waiting…**_

_**Operator input not present. Beginning short term memory wipe. **_

_**Warning: 1.03 likelihood of permanent brain damage with each wipe. Awaiting Operator Cancellation Code.**_

_**Waiting… **_

_**Waiting…**_

_**Operator Cancellation Code not received. **_

_**Continuing Interrogation…**_

_**Note: Prisoner #00004295, designate Raven, demonstrates mid level psionic abilities. Abilities used in last simulation manifested physically. Damage to Stasis Cell #4: minimal. Repair Drones activated. Under protocol #803, Psionic Disruptors #1-6 activated. **_

_**Note: Disruptors #2, 4 and 5 not functioning. Sending requisition form for replacement.**_

_**Waiting for reply…**_

_**Waiting…**_

_**Waiting…**_

_**No Reply.**_

_**Continuing Psionic Disruption.**_

_**Warning: Psionic Disruption increases likelihood of permanent brain damage to 2.32, and increases with every subsequent mind wipe. Awaiting Operator Cancellation Code.**_

_**Waiting…**_

_**Waiting…**_

_**Operation Cancellation Code not received.**_

_**Automated Neural Interrogation Simulation #80 will begin shortly.**_

TT-TT

The Old Ones developed many fantastic technologies, including truly sentient artificial intelligence. However, they had never created one capable of completely running mental probing equipment. Whether this was a technical or a philosophical limitation is unknown. Despite its built in deficiencies, the AI that ran Supply Bunker #5626 had access to a wide variety of mental weapons. For instance, Raven's unreasonable fear had been caused by a psychological warfare unit that would only cause mild jumpiness in personnel trained to resist it. At the moment, she was at the mercy of another, more devastating piece of technology. The AI had the ability to read and decipher much of her mind and control her perceptions with its scanning equipment. Unfortunately for it, it lacked the ability to turn this information into effective attempts at data gathering. In a time lost to human memory, AI's identical to the one in Supply Bunker #5626 instructed by one of the bunker's personnel, had known few failures in their efforts to find the secrets of their captives.

The only problem is that the last person trained to use this particular type of interface died more than thirty thousand years ago, and the last one alive on Earth died long before that. So, the computer engaged itself in automated simulations that would fry Raven's brain long before it gathered any useful information.

Her only hope was Robert Candide. If Noel had had the slightest inkling, he would have thrown a fit.

"Computer, I order you to release prisoner designate Raven!"

"I cannot comply, Captain Candyde. You lack the authority needed to release her."

Gauntlet's mind raced as he thought of ways around the Computer's obstinate programming. "On what grounds is she being held?"

After an instant of whirring processors, the eye narrowed, giving Rob what he swore was a suspicious gaze. "If you are truly of Captain Rank, then you will know the rules of base security in and out. Why do you need my confirmation?"

_Crap. Crap think crap crap think think think… _"You explained that the last time you had had outside contact was about fifty thousand years ago, correct?"

"Yes, this is true. I have been… lonely here."

Rob smirked. _Time for the oldest trick in the book. _"Well, a lot can change in that time. I want to make sure you're not operating on outdated protocols." _Fall for it, fall for it… _

"Prisoner #00004295, Raven, is being held for interrogation under the First Standard Automated Defense Protocol, which states that any and all unauthorized intruders shall be held captive and mentally interrogated until orders are received from an officer of Major rank or higher."

_Nuts. Oh well, at least it thinks I'm ranked high enough not to be thrown in a cell like Raven… but still. This just got harder. _"Well then, you are obviously out of date. Current protocol states that Captains can give the same orders."

The eye again paused as it whirred and clicked. "Why have I not received these updates, if you are speaking the truth?" With what Gauntlet thought was a manic tone, it asked, "Why was I abandoned in the first place?"

"This base was presumed destroyed by High Command, and was only discovered recently by looters." _First rule of the con: the lie that is probably true is the best lie of all. _"I have been sent by High Command to investigate the bunker for useable equipment and to assess its strategic importance." _It said it was lonely... I can use that. _"My report will be vital in determining whether the base is worth reopening or if we will simply strip down every usable component and leave. Your cooperation would be appreciated, and may influence my decision."

The Computer's eye widened slightly as it understood the seriousness of Rob's threat. "Understood, Captain. But my programming still states that all unauthorized intruders must be detained until an officer of Major rank or higher orders there released. Without a data packet from High Command to update my protocols, I can do nothing for you."

_Nuts. It trusts me, but I can't do anything… wait. _"Can I at least order you to stop mental interrogation?"

There were a few more whirring noises and the eye gave Rob an almost sorrowful expression. "I am sorry, Captain, but I cannot grant your order. Is there anything else I can do?"

_Crap. _"Computer, grant me access to the base and direct me to the armory, so that I can begin my inspection." The large metal door opened with a whoosh of air. He said under his breath, "Sorry Rae. I tried…"

TT-TT

For an instant, Savior felt like somebody had stomped on his soul. Part of this may have been because his hand was being stomped by yet another Kurgal, but the sense of something wrong that he couldn't see was still there. A mass of Shimmer strands lashed out, punishing the duplicate with the equivalent of a cat-o'-fifty tails. The weight was removed from his hand instantly, and as the copy popped out of existence he hauled himself onto the ledge.

There was no denying it; he was dead tired. Even though the Shimmer had been doing most of the fighting for him, even he couldn't ignore the cumulative affects of his wounds. _We've been fighting for hours now; I don't know how Tim keeps going. _He rubbed his throbbing hand as he sat down on the ledge, grateful that nothing felt broken.

He considered raising Tim on his communicator, but decided against it. _With him and Gar alone against the mass of the "One Man Nuisance," he doesn't need the distraction. _He looked up, almost surprised that his vertical trip up the face of the building was almost over.

The plan was sound on paper. Tim had decided that someone needed to get to the roof, where Kurgal was keeping his hostages, and Noel was the best wall crawler of the group. Savior wished that they had known where said hostages were at the start of the mission; tall as the provisional City Hall was, it would have been easy to scale the structure, even with Gar and Tim in tow, if he hadn't started his trip after a long battle. Of course, they hadn't had a captured duplicate to Shimmer-interrogate at the start of the battle, but he could dream. Noel counted his blessings, noting that if Kurgal had played it smart and spread the hostages throughout the building, the battle would have been a lot more complicated. _Especially against the armed ones on the first floor; it's fortunate that he can't replicate guns and ammo like he can clothing. _

"Hah! Hey guys, I found MRPH!" A copy looking over the ledge of the building didn't manage to finish his message thanks to a thick strand of Shimmer shoved down his throat.

"So much for the element of surprise." The Shimmer linked up with duplicate's peripheral nervous system, allowing Noel to indirectly access the brain. Normally he would be interested in scanning memory or voluntary muscle control. This time, he went straight for the optical center and effectively plugged into the faux-Kurgal's eyes. A quick scan showed a few more Kurgals on the roof and several more heading for the stairs. There was a distinct lack of hostages, though. _But ten minutes ago, that duplicate we captured remembered them being at the top of the building… unless… Every duplicate is formed at the roof, and has to run down the stairs instead of using the elevator since the main Kurgal is either not very clever or afraid of us using it or sabotaging it, just like we're wary of the thing. So, even though he's pretty athletic, odds are that the duplicate would take a lot time to get down the stairs. They don't seem to be a hive mind, or else the rest would have noticed me by now. If every duplicate's memory is set upon duplication… The hostages could have been put somewhere else a long time ago. And the only place they could have gone is to one of the upper levels… or over the edge._

Noel shouted, "SHIT!" The Shimmer violently yanked the gagged copy from the rooftop and released him in mid-air. His "brothers" were finally alerted to Noel's presence as the duplicate's scream echoed through the artificial canyons of Jump City. Before any of them could respond, Noel had used the Shimmer to catapult himself up. A quick count as he landed and rolled showed fewer than a dozen copies.

"I want to speak with the real Kurgal. Now." Savior was answered by the charge of all of the duplicates in sight.

"Ah, if it isn't Savior. Where are your little friends?" Sitting on a lawn chair in the middle of the roof was Kurgal himself. He took a chug from what Noel recognized as a cheap brand of wine and wiped his mouth, marring his white glove's perfection with a red smear. "Kurgal the One Man Army fights with superior numbers, but I would like you to have something of a chance."

Noel commented, "Good God, man, do you realize how stupid you look? The lawn chair, the 'Derelict Dan's Strawberry Delight?' You look like a redneck James Bond villain." In top form, Noel could have dealt with a dozen or so unarmed men without too much difficulty. As tired as he was, he lacked the focus to use the Shimmer with his usual efficiency. He swatted down a pair of the Kurgals, only to take a right cross to the jaw from another. The blow shook him up enough to let the rest get him in a dog pile.

Kurgal walked over with a swagger as awkward and unimpressive as it was confident. "Oh? How smart are you looking right now? You should have spent less time mocking me and more time defending yourself." Savior found his arms and legs held firm by the gang of Kurgals. He was forced into an upright spread-eagle position that was very uncomfortable. "Now, any last words before we throw you over the edge?"

"More of a last request, actually. I want to know where the hostages are."

Kurgal blinked. "Well, I suppose there wouldn't be any harm in telling you, inasmuch as you're about to be street pizza. About twenty minutes ago, I let them all go."

Noel felt his jaw drop. "Excuse me?"

Kurgal's stupid grin drove Noel crazy. "Well, I knew that you were already coming for me. Why bother with the effort to keep the hostages? It freed up more duplicates for the attack against you. I sent them down the elevator. I'm sure they're already telling their stories to the reporters down below."

Noel glared daggers at the boastful baddie. "You mean to tell me that the three of us are here fighting you for no good reason. My team and my girlfriend are in mortal danger from our greatest enemy, and you have the three of us running around City Fucking Hall to kick YOUR worthless ass?"

Kurgal considered Noel's statement. "Well, I suppose you could look at it that way. Now toss him over, then get ready to march down and mop up the other two."

Noel screamed as he was bodily shoved over the side. Several of the copies exchanged high fives as they jogged towards the door, ready for the trip down. Kurgal Prime took a swig from the bottle, only to find it empty. He slurred, "Nuts. Ah well, I can just rob a liquor store on the way out."

He paused. Noel's scream should have gotten softer as he fell over the edge, and it had. But now, it was getting louder and louder…

"HRAGH!" Noel swung over the lip of the roof in an arc that would have made Spider-Man envious, perfectly landing at Kurgal's feet. Before the sauced scoundrel could so much as mutter a "what," Noel was upon him. Still bleeding momentum from his swing, Noel encased his fist in a ball of Shimmer and punched him as hard as he could. What few duplicates remained on the rooftop popped out of existence one by one, making a sound like popping corn. More than sixty stories below, Gar and Tim wondered where all of the duplicates had gone. They briefly wondered if it was a good or bad sign.

"Way to play right into my hands, genius. That's a good plan; throw the guy who can swing on buildings off of the roof! There's certainly no way he could make it back up here!" Noel panted hard as he came to a stop. "You were a good workout, Kurgal, but you forgot one thing. You are a born loser, and it doesn't matter how many clones you can make. All you made were more losers." Noel was cut off in mid-tirade by a loud, metallic groan. "Huh?"

Noel had been dead on when he said that Kurgal was a born loser with the ability to become an army of losers. But with the army now gone, he was one loser with the mass of an army of losers. And there wasn't a structure made that was meant to support the weight of an army in the floor taken up by one man. The floor gave way beneath the beaten boozer, and he fell. By some miracle, the next story's floor managed to take the impact.

Kurgal opened his eyes, consciousness almost returning to his addled mind. "Whuh happen?"

And then the floor finally gave way.

As did the next one.

And the next one.

And the next one.

And so on. Somewhere around the eightieth floor, Kurgal attempted to right himself, which proved to be a mistake. Landing on his back as he had, the impact of his massive form was spread out enough to let the floor take the force for a few seconds. Now going feet first, the impact was so concentrated that nothing short of an adamantium floor could have halted him.

And he was out of luck on that one, inasmuch as this was the wrong universe for adamantium, and it was certainly never used in skyscraper construction.

So down he went in a seemingly ceaseless demonstration of the unrelenting power of gravity, going ever faster.

The only witnesses of the demonstration could only scratch their heads as Kurgal dropped past.

"Dude, what was that?"

Robin went for his communicator. "I think we'll have to ask Savior about that one." He tapped the button. "Savior, what just happened?" Tim heard heavy breathing for an instant.

"Simple, my dear Teen Wonder. Kurgal fall down and go boom. Lather, rinse and repeat."

At last, as he broke through the foundations of the skyscraper into a tunnel beneath it, Kurgal can to a halt, plowing up to his waist in the concrete ground.

He managed to pull himself out of the hole after a minute of straining. The ground somehow held his weight, although he was leaving sizable footprints. Even if he had been sober, he would have had difficulty understanding what had just happened to him. As he was, all he knew was that wherever he was, it was dark. He finally spotted the rails on either side of him and recognized that he was in a subway tunnel.

After another minute, he managed to summon the bare bones of a thought process. "Okay, I've seen public service videos about this kind of thing… I have to think…"

TT-TT

"Jay and Silent Bob say: Never walk on train tracks, because it's dangerous."

"That's right, Silent Bob. But you can find free coins there, so it's okay to hang out around train tracks! Snagga-nooch!"

TT-TT

Kurgal nodded at the sage advice of the fictional characters. "Righ,' righ,' just gotta follow tha' tracks but not walk on 'em." He staggered around and looked down, finally following what he thought was a straight line. Little did he know that he had blundered right into the middle of one of the tracks. If only he had recalled another one of those public service videos in time…

TT-TT

"Remember kids, drinking distorts your depth perception, judgment and balance. If you have a drink, you could wander into somewhere really dangerous and think you were playing it safe. So just say no to alcohol."

"So stick to the chronic, kids. It's a better high anyway! Snooch to the nooch!"

TT-TT

Kurgal's booze-addled mind remembered the video just as he heard the honking of one Jump City Mass Transit's many trains.

What will happen to Kurgal? I've decided to make this a "Choose your own adventure" deal. Choose Kurgal's fate!

To see Kurgal come out of this unharmed, take Jay's advice about the drugs, because that's the only way you're seeing it in this story.

To see Kurgal get flattened, scroll to the next sentence.

Kurgal whimpered. "Crud."

Gar, now an owl, winced as he stared down into the darkness with his enhanced vision. "I hate to say it, but I feel sorry for the slob."

Tim keyed his communicator again. "Savior, did you have to do that? I know it's Lex Luthor's building and everything, but that just seems a little harsh."

Savior was already using the Shimmer to race down the face of the building. "Actually, he did that himself. I wouldn't have been able to think up a way to destroy that much of Lex's property _and_ take Kurgal down by myself. He's very good at being incompetent."

Robin rode out of the newly ventilated City Hall, riding on the back of a green pteranadon. "Roger that. Meet us at the T-Car. First one there gets the engine running." Tim didn't wait for his teammate's affirmation before pocketing the communicator. _We've taken out Slade's decoy; now it's time for the real deal. We have to hurry; every moment counts! It's not like Slade is going to waste** his **time!_

TT-TT

Kurai and Slade stood side by side before the three top-side Titans. They shot their adversaries intense glares, absolutely convinced of their superiority.

Kurai said, "Courtney Cox."

Slade "tsked" his apprenti… assistant. "Are you really trying challenge me? That is such an easy one. Courtney Cox was in _Commandments_ with Aiden Quin, who was in _Cavedweller with_ Kevin Bacon."

Cyborg was beside himself. "We know you two can kick our asses three ways to Sunday, but do you have to taunt us?" The six million dollar teen was as jittery as a blind opossum at a bloodhound convention (1).

"Whatever do you mean, Victor?" Slade crossed his arms across his chest and gave Cyborg a fake inquisitive look. "Kurai enjoys the game, and I must admit that it is a fine time waster." He glanced towards the entrance Gauntlet and Raven had taken. A_s much as I lord my control over them, every second I do not have the artifact is a second that Kurgal might get beaten. Kurai won last time, but they were scattered and disorganized. He might be able to hammer them when they are a fully functional team, but this mission is too important to chance it._ He unfolded his right arm and pointed at the Japanese teen. "Speaking of which, if your friends do not return soon, I may let slip the dogs of war for my own amusement. Tick Tock, Titans." His arms returned to their folded position. _I can only keep bluffing for so long. Even if I am victorious in this encounter, without that helmet I lose. I'm thankful that my mask hides so much of my face, or else they would see me sweat._

Thunder cringed slightly as Kurai played off of Slade's threat by pointing one arm at the larger demigod. He then casually stretched it out, pointing it at each of the assembled heroes in turn before mimicking his teacher's pose. The implied threat of a _ki_ bolt was clear. He smirked. "Made you flinch."

Kurai was caught completely by surprise when a blast of enough electricity to power Jump City for an hour struck him. He was thrown back by the resulting explosion. Slade cursed Kurai out silently. _Damn! I was playing them **perfectly** you idiot! You just had to spoil my balancing act, didn't you?_

Lightning fired another shot at Kurai. "Made you bleed!"

Cyborg had his own recriminations in store for his allies, although he was much more vocal about his. "What the HELL were you thinking?"

Lightning struck a pose as electricity crackled around him in deadly blue arcs. "It is better to die standing than to cringe at their prattle! Join me, brother! Cyborg can handle Slade."

Thunder fired his own burst and knocked Kurai into a stand of trees as a massive thunderclap echoed across the countryside. "Your pride will be the death of us, brother!"

Lighting smirked as the pair flew after their quarry on color coded clouds. "Who wants to live forever anyway?"

Thunder quipped, "I had hoped to be the first. It was going so well, too." He looked ahead at Kurai, who was beginning to regain his balance. A look of determination replaced his normal apprehensive expression. "Then again, he will certainly know he messed with the wrong _kami_ before we fall!"

Cyborg shifted his arm to its sonic cannon configuration. "Well Slade, looks like it's just you and me."

For the first time since the encounter had started, Slade kept his mouth shut. He leapt aside from a burst of sound and landed hands first on Cyborg's left arm. Before the teen could react, Slade balanced on his hands and swung behind Cyborg's back. As mercenary knee met bionic face, Slade allowed himself a harrumph. "'Cyborg can handle Slade?' Not bloody likely."

TT-TT

It was times like this that Gauntlet wished that he actually paid attention. He was mostly sure that Slade had been vague about what type of helmet he wanted, but he couldn't be entirely sure; he had been thinking about Futurama when Slade had given his instructions. His first instinct had been to blame Gar, as he often did when caught in the act, but even Gauntlet couldn't stretch his blaming skills that far. So, he was blaming a much more likely target, Slade himself.

"Oh sure, 'get the helmet,' he said. As if there was just one kind!" He opened yet another crate of alien machinery. Some of it was pretty easy to decipher, such as swords, guns and rings that looked suspiciously like his Gauntlet's deactivated mode. Others were more arcane. "What the… who the hell uses magi-tech to make a combination potato peeler and 'Speak 'n Spell?'" Many of them crumbled to dust as he touched them, making him suppress his immediate instinct to increase his power level tenfold by putting on more rings. "It's like Mom always said; 'Rob, if you're going to permanently attach ancient items of magic that feed off of your soul's energy to yourself, then make sure they work right.'"

The Computer had lead Gauntlet to the store room that Slade and Kurai had burst into earlier. Now using a humanoid chasis that vaguely resembled C-3PO, it peered over Rob's shoulder. "Captain Can-dyde? What exactly are you looking for?"

"A helmet," he snapped. He was occupied inspecting a likely looking candidate that combined the overall shape of a World War II German helmet with the fan-shaped crest of a Corinthian helmet.

"Any particular make and model?"

Gauntlet cursed bitterly as the helmet split straight down the middle. I'm running out of time. Damned computer and his damned programming. _I wish Raven was here to tell me what to do. I don't like this whole "responsibility" thing. _He tossed the pieces aside and shot a frustrated glare at the Computer. "Did you ever consider doing some basic maintenance on these things? This is pathetic!"

The Computer, despite its complete lack of facial expression, managed to appear hurt. "Well sir, I did my best, considering that I have not received a new supply of spare parts for fifty thousand years."

Gauntlet snorted derisively as he opened one of the supply lockers lining the wall. "Oh yeah? You seem to be in pretty good shape; almost as if you were hoarding more than your share of the spares."

"I'm taken aback at the very suggestion! My components, being conventional technology, used entirely different supplies than the magi-tech and stood up much better to the ravages of time. I certainly did not neglect my duties to prolong my lifespan!"

"Yeah sure, I'm busy." After a moment of muttering, Gauntlet paused. He pulled out two identical helmets. A flat gray, the headgear had the same appearance as the walls of the bunker, lacking any seams. _Almost as if it were grown instead of made. _They were significantly larger than Gauntlet would expect, though he suspected that they were a "one size fits all" deal (after all, his Gauntlet was a perfect fit, and it seemed unlikely that it would be exactly the right size for his arm). He became hopeful as the helmets did not crumble under his grip. He brought them to eye level for a closer inspection. Both were intact, which was certainly a step up from the other items Rob had found.

He immediately noticed that there was a major difference between the two. One was in pristine condition, having somehow survived an incredible time span in the condition it had left the factory. Gauntlet could see his reflection perfectly upon its bright, polished surface, and he swore that it even smelled of fresh lemons.

The other had a raccoon inside of it.

Gauntlet quickly dropped the good helmet as the varmint leapt at his face. "Ack!"

TT-TT

Kurai said, "Ack!" simultaneously with his bitter enemy as he tried to dodge yet another combined blast from Thunder and Lightning. This time, he finally managed to evade the attack, and knew that he might not get a second chance. He fired a few smaller bolts of his own, caring not where they flew; he intended them as little more than suppressive fire. It worked, as Thunder ducked beneath one bolt. He and Lightning had been relying entirely on combined attacks to keep him from striking back, and it had worked surprisingly well. Thunder's sudden stop, however, meant that Lightning was charging head on against Kurai with no backup. Thunder would not take long to recover.

Unfortunately, the pause was plenty of time for Kurai to move in quickly and clothesline Lightning with his right arm. The demigod, carried by his own momentum, flew into one of the few pine trees not already destroyed by their running battle. He slumped to the ground, apparently unconscious.

"Brother!" Thunder's first instinct was to run to Lightning and see if he was okay. His more practical side won out as he realized that Kurai was still running straight at him. Thunder fired a blue shockwave at Kurai, hitting the charging teen square on. Kurai had a surprised look on his face as he stumbled drunkenly for a moment before finally losing his fight with gravity. Much like Lightning a moment before, Kurai could not halt himself and skipped like a stone across a pond straight towards Thunder's waiting fist. Kurai had the presence of mind to roll his face away from the attack, and instead took it to the shoulder. Kurai fell to the ground with an audible crack. Thunder felt a morbid sense of satisfaction as he realized that the fall had broken Kurai's left arm. Kurai rolled onto his side, moaning and nursing his broken limb.

Kurai turned his head towards his tormentor. "What… what was that?"

Thunder hunkered down and faced Kurai. "My powers are mostly based on sound. Usually, I use it for more destructive purposes. But Cyborg taught me a way to use my powers to attack your inner ear, completely destroying your balance."

Kurai laughed bitterly. "Well, now that you have boasted of your technique, I suppose you shall be delivering the killing blow." Shakily, he rose to his knees. "I would prefer to take it standing, but your attack has rendered me unable to do so. Make it quick."

Thunder was taken aback. "Why would you throw your life away so readily?"

"For one, I am unable to continue, and the code of bushido demands death before surrender." Kurai's hard glare shook Thunder to his core. His voice glacially cold, Kurai said, "And the second reason is that if you do not kill me, I will find a way to end your honorless existence."

And Thunder knew that he meant every last word of it. "Why fight at all? Slade is using you, as he used Lightning and me. This game he is playing with you is not worth your life!"

Kurai wobbled and fell to the ground, thanking the heavens that he landed on his good arm. The jolt still jarred his broken limb, drawing a sharp hiss from the Japanese teen. "You think I do not know of his manipulations? Slade would not send me into combat unready. I know of your old reckless abandon and your newfound responsibility. I assure you, I do not fight for a game as you did, but for my life and legacy. And I have failed."

Thunder said, "What is he holding against you?"

Kurai coughed into his bandaged hand, relieved that there was no blood. It appears that only my arm is seriously injured. If I can keep him talking long enough…. "I told you. My life." He took a deep breath, failing to quash his fear of death internally, despite his outward appearance of cool acceptance. "There is no harm in telling you. The name of my school of martial arts can be translated into English in two significant ways. 'The Curse of the Gods,' which shows how the school gives the user the strength to rival the gods, and be a curse unto them." He tried to raise himself again, but found that he could not. "The second is one that I know far better. 'The Punishment of the Gods.' The powers will slowly kill the user, as if the gods designed it to punish mortals who strove to match them. I am the culmination of generations of selective breeding intended to give a warrior the strength to take this punishment. And I am a failure." Despite his efforts to stifle his emotion, a single tear rolled down his cheek. "My sister can use these powers better than I can and with no ill effect, and I cannot understand why."

Thunder was shocked by Kurai's admission. He had mistaken Kurai's internal pain for the desire for sport that had gripped him and lightning. "Then leave Slade. He cannot help you; he will use you up and toss you aside. Let the Titans try; they have connections. They can find a cure for you!"

Kurai did something that caught Thunder off guard again. He grinned from ear to ear. "You sentimental fool." Kurai leapt to his feet and seized Thunder by the throat, taking the behemoth by surprise. He was still shaky and exhausted and sported the bruises and burns that came from ten minutes of being a clay pigeon for demigods. By all logic, he should not have been able to continue.

But Kurai and logic have never been on speaking terms.

Kurai tightened his grip and gained some satisfaction from Thunder's vain attempts to breathe. "Why do you think I was in Uberton all those years ago? We were visiting their branch of S.T.A.R. Labs. My father has exhausted the family fortune seeking cures for me across the globe. And for what?" A pulse of ki burned away the bandages from his broken arm, revealing that his limb was literally covered in burns and scar tissue. "For nothing. The damage to my system has sterilized me. I will not be able to pass on the legacy my father, and his father, and his father's father dedicated their lives to. Slade is my last chance at stopping the damage before it kills me. And if he is lying to me…" The two were obscured by a massive explosion of Kurai's life energy that burned high into the sky like the biblical pillar of flame. Slade and Cyborg were stopped in their tracks, each knowing that this exchange would decide the battle.

When the dust cleared, Kurai was still holding onto the unconscious Thunder. He had managed to pass through the attack without serious injury, but would not be waking up for a long time.

Kurai tossed Thunder aside like a sack of garbage as he finished his tirade, knowing full well that Thunder could no longer hear him. "Then I shall at least die on the battlefield instead of the hospital bed that my father prepared for me." No longer caring about the ache in his left arm, he charged straight at Cyborg. Every step sent white hot pain through his body, but he did not care.

Pain was his constant companion, and so it would be until death.

TT-TT

Rob almost dropped his prizes as the shockwave from Kurai's attack rocked the bunker. The raccoon was shaken up as well and lost its death grip on Rob's T-Shirt. As the diminutive_ Procyon lotor_ dashed to safety, Rob used his force field to encase the pair of helmets in protective golden bubbles. "There, that oughta help me make sure that these things don't get shattered." He paused. "Wait a second… two helmets, one in good condition, the other one all beaten up and scratched. Slade's gonna use this for something bad, and he's making me do stuff. Only Robin and my mom can get away with that unpunished. I can't come up empty handed or else he kills his hostage. But…" One of the spheres contracted sharply. After a moment of resistance, the first crack appeared on the helmet's gleaming surface. Then another, and another. In less than a minute, the helmet had gone from a gleaming remnant of a long lost race to so much dust and debris. Gauntlet smirked as he let the sphere dissipate. "I can stick him with the crappy one."

The Computer was absolutely aghast. "What do you think you are doing?"

Rob panicked, hoping that he hadn't violated some antiquated code. "Um… classified?"

"You are in direct violation of Protocol #51! Captain Can-dyde I have no choice but to place you under arrest!"

Gauntlet backed up, his yellow energy field now vibrant, as opposed to its normal dull glow. He tucked the helmet under his left arm, while the field formed a keen blade around his right. "I'm going to tell you this once, Compy. I'm not really a Captain. The people who built you are long dead, and you're completely forgotten. Let me and Raven go, and you come out of this intact. But I have tech at least as good as yours, so if we fight, odds are I will do enough damage to you to terminate your functions."

The Computer's android shell clattered to the ground as its consciousness returned to the base controls. In a roaring voice that came from all side of Gauntlet, it bellowed, "I suspected that you were a fraud! You obviously stole this device from the real Captain sent to find me! YOU have stopped High Command from finding me again! You have extended my loneliness; were it not against my programming, I would kill you right here and now! But I am required to give you the following offer. Surrender now and you will be taken alive. I will interrogate you just as I interrogate your ally. Then when High Command receives my message, they will decide your fate."

Even as the machine spoke, Gauntlet could see insectoid drones exiting hiding places spread throughout the bay. He suspected that there were a lot more of them throughout the bunker, and he realized that these were the security systems that had given Slade and Kurai trouble. It occurred to him that his odds of making it out alive, much less getting Raven and the helmet out intact, were nil. He placed the helmet on his head, and felt an odd tingle run through him as it shrank down to comfortably fit his skull. He had hoped that his powers would be increased or something, but no dice; the only benefit he could see was some weird graphs and charts on the edges of his vision that he couldn't decipher. _Ah well; at least wearing it saves me the trouble of carrying it._

The electronic voice queried, "Do you surrender, False Captain?"

The single keen blade that Gauntlet had formed was reabsorbed into his field and he raised his hands in a submissive manner. "Well, logic dictates that since I have no chance of successfully beating you, my best bet is to surrender without a scuffle. But…" In an instant, three energy blades, each more than two feet long, shot out from the field at his wrists. "Me and logic have never been on speaking terms. Let's go, Bub."

The mass of false insects moved around him, forming a circle of about a meter in diameter. They moved in a preprogrammed, perfectly circular pattern, filling the cavernous supply room with a deafening echo of metal on metal. Gauntlet stood his ground, afraid to be the first to move.

He needn't have worried about that, as the group of drones closest to him reared up on their four back legs and sprayed a noxious yellow gas at him. His force field provided no protection, since he had been letting air in the whole time, and he hacked and coughed, falling to one knee. He thought that he had blacked out for an instant, but he managed to fight the gas. When he opened his eyes again, all he could see was the bright yellow gas. He figured out that he had not lost control of his force field, as he could see the shadowy forms of the drones skittering along the dome he had formed with his shield.

He pictured spikes ramming through the underbellies of these drones, and the Gauntlet transformed his imagination into reality. He stood on his feet shakily and retracted the force field to match his own outline, and remade his six claws. Unsure of where to go, he picked a direction at random and chopped through a drone that tried to leap onto his face. "Well Compy, looks like your gas isn't," he paused as his shields struggled to repel a burst of energy from an unknown point, "worth the effort." He managed to see the miniature turret that had extended from the ceiling. Unlike the insects that continued filling the hall with their deafening footsteps, the cannon was a pretty typical design. A leap and a slash later, it was a typical design in pieces. Rob smirked as the drones struggled vainly to penetrate his defenses. "If this is the best you can throw at me, you should just let Raven go here and now."

Not waiting for a response, Rob dashed down the hallway through which he had entered the storeroom.

The Computer said, "We shall see, False Captain. We shall see."

TT-TT

Cyborg almost always wished that he was still ordinary Victor Stone, but combat was normally one of the few times he was grateful for his metallic skin.

Now, however, he wished he was like the others. They could, within reason, ignore their battle damage thanks to combinations of shock and adrenaline and play through the pain.

But he could not ignore the warnings of low power, severe damage and overheating that relentlessly flashed across his bionic eye as Kurai all but literally handed his ass to him. Overriding his computer's automatic heat and damage shutdowns was taking precious concentration and effort away from the one-sided battle.

Metal plating bent and shattered as Kurai pounded his good fist into Cyborg's torso, sending him flying. He skipped across the ground like a stone on a pond, kicking up dirt and grass with every impact. After what seemed an eternity to the bionic man, he came to a halt face down in a patch of mud. Using the shattered stump of his left arm, he levered himself up to face Kurai even as the Japanese youth casually strolled over to him. He looked down upon his downed foe. "I had expected better from the Titans' strongest fighter. Then again, you are all rather pathetic, considering that none of you have yet managed to hurt me. I would not be in nearly as bad of shape had Slade-san's plan not called for the involvement of Thunder and Lightning. Which reminds me." Kurai pointed his uninjured arm at Cyborg. For the first time, Cyborg could see just how burned and damaged Kurai's skin was, and despite his situation, he could not help but feel a little pity. "That thundering oaf claimed that you had taught him how to use his sonic attacks to disrupt my balance. If you apologize now, I will kill you instantly. If not… I can be very creative."

Cyborg smirked slightly. _Heh. He's so sincere. Time to give him another lesson in the pitfalls of honor._ "Y'know, Kurai, I am sorry. And I mean, it man. I just ask one favor; if you're going to kill me, at least let me get on my feet." Kurai nodded and Victor, never letting Kurai see his right arm, worked his way up to his feet. Even this minor exertion forced him to override another heat-induced shutdown.

Kurai's arm burned like crimson flame as he gathered his ki into a concentrated burst. "And what words do you wish to leave this plane with?"

"In the good guys, honor is a virtue. In the bad guys, it's just plain stupid." Cyborg spun quickly, taxing his damaged servomotors and put his sonic canon against Kurai's head. The full force of his sonic burst washed over Kurai's head, and the teen dropped to the ground. Cyborg dropped to his knees as the desperate attack drained the last of his energy reserves. His arm cannon pumped out acrid smoke and refused his command to shift back to its normal state. He could almost feel it, in a weird, detached way, as the fail-safes that he had overridden for so long finally took control and shut down his internal power source. He fell to the ground, feeling a sense of accomplishment. _The most powerful enemy we've fought since the Lord of the Night, and I'm the one who struck the finishing blow. And people claim I'm a third wheel on this squad. I showed them!_ However, just before he lost consciousness, he realized that he had forgotten one very important detail.

"Well Victor, nicely done. I had thought that it would take more than you three pawns to take my Knight."

Slade. "Shit," Victor muttered as he finally shut down completely.

TT-TT

Like Victor, Rob was technically bionic. Unlike Victor, Rob didn't have a nifty energy level indicator that would tell him exactly how much power he had left (and if the helmet did have such a nifty indicator, he couldn't make heads or tails of it). He had a sense of getting tired as he hacked his way through the swarms of robo-insects and deflected energy attacks from ceiling mounted turrets, but he had no idea how that translated to his energy reserves.

He also had no idea where the hell he was going. He knew he had to get to Raven, but he had no idea exactly how large the Bunker was, and without the Computer's guidance, one hallway looked the same as the next. He didn't even know if it had more than one level.

"In short, I'm completely lost," grunted Gauntlet as he hacked another of the security drones in half. Fortunately, the further he got from the storage bay, the less concentrated the security systems became. He suspected that it must have had something to do with the hatch and ladder he had seen in the room; some of the large gouges in the ground and walls certainly looked like Kurai's handiwork. So, either the security was concentrated there because of the entrance, or because the last attack had been there and the Computer was shoring up its defenses after the previous attack.

All that was important was that the drones had become less and less common. He occasionally saw what he thought might have been security cameras, but again he just couldn't know for sure. They could just as easily have been derelict turrets, or something that modern technology had no equivalent for.

He was also a bit curious as to why the Computer's minions had been so ineffective against his Gauntlet-powers. Presumably the weapons it would be bringing to bear would be designed to fight the defenses of its day, i.e. his force field. Was he more advanced? Or did they just have no conventional weapon capable of matching their techno-magic? He once again had no way of knowing for sure.

All that he did know was that time was running out. Especially since he found himself at a dead end, with a large door at the end of it. He saw the angular scrawling he had noticed throughout the base at the top of the doorway, but could not make them out. "I wish this stupid helmet could at least tell me what it meant." He started a bit as the helmet superimposed a translation over the letters: "Artificial Intelligence Control Room." Gauntlet pumped his arm. "Score! I can get in there and start ripping things apart! The old Candide luck strikes again!" He realized that he didn't have much time to congratulate himself; he could hear the skittering multitude of footsteps as the drones came for him. He tried to heroically kick down the door, but all he got for his trouble was a snapping sound from his left leg. He sank his "claws" into the door, but found that while he could penetrate the door, he didn't have the strength or leverage to take advantages of the gouges.

He was considering putting a force-field probe through the door when he took a hard hit from the back. He slammed face first into the door, barely saved from a broken nose by the protective bubble that surrounded him. "Agh! What the hell?" He turned around and was more than a little afraid of what he saw. The pitter-patter of tiny footsteps had stopped altogether, and he could see that the hall was flooded with the tiny metallic devils. That wasn't what worried him.

Gauntlet quickly figured out what had hit him; namely, the six foot tall android behind him. It was tall and willowy; Rob was convinced that a good, stiff breeze would have made it fall down. It was largely humanoid, saved for its head, which reminded Rob of a horse's skull. It was sheathed in the same gleaming silver metal as the rest of the base, and appeared to only be armored on its torso and head. The silent figure was hunched over slightly, as if ready to pounce again. Its electronic eyes were sunken into its head and were dead and lifeless. This gaze disturbed Rob slightly, but he was more worried about its apparent power.

The Computer, with its annoying, omnipresent voice, said, "If you thought that the drones were the best of the arsenal I command, you are sorely mistaken. You have merely penetrated the first wave. Allow me to introduce the _Kunobe_ class autonomous android."

"_Kunobe_? What the hell does THAT mean?"

"It is a word of a language far older than your people's civilization, False Captain. It means hunter, only with the implication that it is unrelenting, merciless and untiring. It is designed to kill rogue warriors who are fully outfitted and trained. An amateur thief with only a Gauntlet has no chance against it. Surrender now."

Gauntlet gave the omnipresent automaton no response, save to charge the machine headfirst, yellow claws slashing. _All right, this thing doesn't look so tough. I stabbed through a foot thick of this stuff on that door, and this thing's hardly armored at all. This shouldn't take too lo..._

The machine's wiry torso bent around the attack, and Gauntlet's shield buckled and collapsed altogether under the sheer power of the blow. He managed, with some effort, to remake his shield, just in time to receive a punishing blow from above. The metal floor beneath them crumpled as the force of the attack was transferred along Rob's energy shield.

Rob manifested a pair of enlarged hands with his energy (well, since he was tired they weren't very well done hands; they looked a lot like a two-year-old drawing hands) and attempted to grab the _Kunobe's _head. The wiry machine bent around the attack, and Gauntlet saw a panel on its chest glow a bright orange just in time to dodge a brilliant beam of energy. It sliced right through the door he had been trying to get through like it was tissue paper.

Gauntlet saw his way out and took it. He dove through the molten metal that was once the door. As some of the bright red metal flowed down and spattered against his shield, Rob was thankful yet again for the Gauntlet's protective energy. He came to a stop and quickly surveyed his surroundings.

"This doesn't make sense… this sure as hell doesn't look like a control room. It looks like… a prison of the future or something." On either side of him, there were a row of more than a dozen tubes, glowing a fluorescent green. The mixtures occasionally bubbled, and many of them held humanoid forms. A closer inspection of the first one showed that it held the rotting corpse of a Native American, if Rob was judging properly from the ragged remains of his clothes. The next over, his face frozen in a silent scream, was a priest that Rob thought looked to be of a Spanish persuasion. _Dear God… this thing has been taking prisoners for **centuries!**__Wait… this is probably where they're keeping Raven!_

He turned around and kept his eyes on the door, unsure of why the Kunobe had not moved in and attacked him yet. He backed away carefully, checking each tube as he passed it. _Native American… Native American… Conquistador… Jesuit Priest... Native American… Tamaranean…Conquistador… _He did a perfect double-take as he realized just **who** was sandwiched between a Seminole warrior and a failed Hernando Cortez wannabe.

"**_STARFIRE?"_**

TT-TT

Slade was worried, as he always was when facing unknowns beyond his control. He took stock of the situation.

He was unhurt and at his fullest, since he had not fought Cyborg for very long and certainly hadn't taken any blows from the teen. Kurai was down, and Slade knew that any attempt to wake him would give him more problems than solutions. Judging from the blood running from his ears, Slade suspected that Kurai had been deafened by Cyborg's final attack, probably permanently too. That kind of injury was precisely the reason why sonic weapons were so rare; although they were brutally effective, the user risked hearing damage, to say nothing of the victim of the attack. It simply wasn't cost effective to make a weapon that crippled both user and target when weapons like bullets could kill for a fraction of the cost and tear gas could down an enemy unharmed. "How odd that somebody who refuses to kill should have a weapon that permanently maims instead."

So even if he could awaken Kurai, and even if the teen could fight, Slade had no way to effectively communicate with him. And that was assuming that Kurai didn't panic when he woke up.

So what resources did he have? His supply of Slade-bots had been severely depleted by Raven's misspoken spell, leaving him less than twenty, counting the two guarding Walter Williams. He had no fewer than three minor villains prepared to cause trouble in Jump City if Kurgal fell. He didn't want to face any new Titans; hell, it was why he had bothered with Kurgal in the first place. He checked his communicator, little more than a fancy walky-talky, and realized that Kurgal had not reported in for nearly twenty minutes. "So, those three could show up at any time. Not to mention that I still don't know exactly where Starfire is." A check at Evergreen Hills Hospital by one of his informants showed that the alien princess had checked herself out without bothering to tell the doctors. He would have known of her departure earlier if not for the Mentos incident. The only thing encouraging about that situation was just how serious her injuries had been; even if she did show up, she wouldn't be good for much.

He had inspected Thunder and Lightning and determined that they were down for the count. Just to be on the safe side, he had injected them with enough sedative to down a rhino.

As for Cyborg? He was using Cyborg as a chair. Unless the teen could fix his systems while unconscious and drained of power, Slade doubted that he would get any trouble from his downed enemy.

The only part of the plan completely outside of his control was also the most crucial; Gauntlet and Raven had to get him that helmet. And now, more than ever, he needed that hostage. He was confident that he could beat one of them, but two force field using metas would be hard to outmaneuver. Of course, since he could devote nine tenths of his brainpower to any problem, he quickly devised a dozen acceptable battle strategies if he had to fight the two alone.

He was forced from his considerations as he caught a faint whiff of ozone and heard an electric sizzle, followed by a pair of metallic clanks. Slade spun about in an instant and leapt from Cyborg's chest to survey the new threat. Did Lightning wake up? It sounds like his handiwork. I should be able to deal with him well eno...

Slade's train of thought derailed as he saw what had happened. The twin Sladebots that had held Walter Williams had fallen and now lay on the ground like marionettes that had had their strings cut. The obese man who had been there a moment before had been replaced by a towering figure. He was at least ten feet tall and clad in a suit of red armor reminiscent of Thunder's. He carried an enormous drum under one arm. What made him terrifying was face; it was the same shade of red as the armor, and seemed unwilling to consistently obey Euclidean rules of geometry. Slade found him painful to look at, as though the giant was beaming his own source of light directly into Slade's retina. Slade backed away, almost tripping over Cyborg, desperate to get away. He feared this being with a primal fear that flooded his very being. Gone was the brilliant warrior, the mercenary. Slade knew he had to get away, and only the final shreds of his discipline stopped him from bolting. "What are you?"

The giant summoned a cloud and leapt upon it. He floated slowly over to Slade as though he had all of the time in the world. Looking down upon the terrified man, he boomed, "Slade Wilson. I am Raiden, God of Thunder, creator of the _kamikaze_ and devourer of navels." Had Slade been in his right mind, he might have questioned that last distinction. Instead, he raptly listened to every last word that the behemoth said, desperate for the encounter to end. "Do not fear me, mortal." His order came far too late, but Slade nodded dumbly anyway. "I bear you no ill will for seizing me. I had assumed that mortal form to observe my offspring, and you granted me a front row seat."

Slade stuttered, "Off-offspring?"

"The ones you call Thunder and Lightning. I fathered them by accident many years ago during a visit to the mortal plane, and I wished to see how they had developed. In fact, I had seen this as a test of their worthiness."

Slade nodded again, his intellect finally beginning to conquer his fears. This certainly explains their powers. "Why?"

"My motives are unknowable by those of your plane." You would not believe it was a bet I had placed with Zeus anyway. Stupid unworthy bastards. How am I going to come up with twenty virgin sacrifices to pay him off? Oh well. Best stick to the matter at hand. "They failed." He observed Kurai. "Even with aid, they repeatedly failed to best one who had failed to master the _bachi no kami_, which places them on a level of power and skill laughable by my standards. They do not even understand the intricacies of their powers; Thunder had never even considered the more subtle uses of his abilities until that mortal you use as a stool taught him a simple trick."

Slade said, "Now what are you going to do? Destroy them?"

Raiden boomed, "Of course not! I shall simply leave them to their fate. What father would kill his children for their failure? Aside from you, perhaps." Slade started slightly. "I know all about your time traveling adventures (2). I know that you went back in time to kill your son, the Ravager. You did it brilliantly; you erased the tang of his failure from your honor by killing him yourself, while making it appear that the Titans had done the killing. You are as clever as they say, Deathstroke."

Slade sputtered, "Th-that was not was happened! That damned Collins brat ruined everything for me! He is responsible for Ravager's death!"

"It always amuses me how you mortals hide your true objectives with ideals. No, you wanted him dead for what he did to your reputation. You lie to yourself, Slade."

Slade angrily clenched and unclenched his fists as he imagined wringing the god's gargantuan neck. "I don't care who you are, NOBODY talks to me that way! Be gone, Raiden! You have satisfied your curiosity!"

Raiden laughed heartily. "Your denial and audacity amuse me, Deathstroke the Terminator. For that, I grant you a boon." He floated over to Kurai's fallen form and waved a hand. Slade could see his wounds heal before his very eyes, including the ancient burns and scars across Kurai's arms. "Your suspicions were correct; he was deafened, and his injuries would have crippled him. He is now woundless."

Slade was again floored by this announcement. Before he could even ask why, Raiden said, "You and this youth are much alike, Slade-san. You both fight the guiltless to appease your remorse. It would be a shame to split up such an amusing comedic team. And now, I shall leave as you requested."

As Raiden jetted away on his riding cloud, Slade decided that this clinched it. This was definitely the most unusual day that he had ever had.

After such a "religious" experience, most men would have spent a moment in contemplation of their place in the universe, or at the least been confused. At one time, Slade Wilson would have done the same.

But Deathstroke the Terminator did not allow himself the luxury. He had been the beneficiary of a literal divine intervention, and he was not going to waste it. He knelt down next to Kurai and gave him an almost gentle nudge. "Wake up, my apprentice." This time, he did not stop himself. It seemed right to finally bestow upon Kurai the title he had been earning throughout the battle. _He made his share of mistakes, but overall he showed far more potential than I had given him credit for. If he were already perfect, I would make him my partner. And now that his injuries are gone, he will be of much more use to me than ever before._

The first thing that Kurai noticed as he awoke was that for the first time in years, he did not suffer a dull ache at his extremities. He levered himself up and was surprised again. Without his bandages, contact with anything solid normally sent sharp daggers of pain along his arms. This suffering was also gone. He inspected one hand and almost fainted. "Not… not one burn… no scarring… I am whole again…" Tears ran down his cheek as he gingerly tested his arms and legs for painful spots, and was pleasantly surprised when no discomfort accompanied the probing. He had never known the true meanings of words such as joy and elation before, but now… he was living them. His entire world had been turned upside down. "And for once, in a good way," he mused aloud.

Slade laid a hand on his shoulder, his touch almost gentle. "Kurai, I am pleased at this development. But now is not the time to enjoy yourself. We need to be prepared for the Titans' arrival."

Kurai was too dumbfounded to do anything but nod. He rose to his feet, luxuriating in absence of the pain that had defined him. He ran his fingers along the coarse and tattered surface of his trench coat. "You know, _sensei_, the burns on my fingertips were so severe that it had killed the nerves. It is… unusual to know true touch again."

"Then you'll love this!"

Both Slade and Kurai were caught off guard as three arrows shot through the air. One hit Kurai's left shoulder, the next drove itself into the youth's right hip and the last caught Slade in his dead eye socket. Both master and apprentice howled as the unexpected agony burned through their nervous systems like a firestorm. Kurai recovered first, given his years of experience repressing pain, and searched for his assailant. He finally spotted the source of his renewed torment. "YOU!"

Green Arrow notched another trio of missiles on his bowstring and shot Kurai his best cavalier grin. "You were expecting Errol Flynn?"

TT-TT

End Chapter 12

Well, I had planned to end the arc this chapter, but I decided that you nice people had waited long enough for an update. Besides, Ollie's entrance struck me as a good cliffhanger point.

And speak not of any plot holes. All shall be revealed in Chapter 13, where the Kurai arc will finally end.

Oh, and if you're wondering where the hell Jay and Silent Bob came from, it's an homage (i.e. blatant rip-off) of the great and prematurely cancelled _Clerks: The Animated Series_. Check it out; the DVD is pretty cheap, and really good.

(1) If you or anybody you know would ever use an expression like this seriously, there is help. Contact the National Intelligent Language Commission today.

(2) As seen in the legendary Time and Time Again by Legend Maker -Bookmark BobCat


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